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Fantasy Writers

Audio Cinema

Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 176 total)
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  • #136706
    Brian Stansell
    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    @irishcelticredflowercrown

    Hi Neasa,

    We miss you! Do you want to give the Audio Cinema challenge a try?  We would love to hear you share a scene.

    Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
    I was born in war.
    Fighting from my first breath.

    #136707
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @devastate-lasting

    Thanks for the encouragement! I’ll try to find a day where my allergies aren’t acting up to record a short piece, then.

    Awesome! Ohh, I get the allergies issue! It’s been sniffle, sigh, and sneeze in our house for the past three months XD Can’t wait to hear it! (The piece, not the allergies XD) <3

    Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

    #136708
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @joelle-stone

    I just listened to Seen and it was even lovelier in your voice! I literally got goosebumps from listening to it (In the best way 😉 It was amazing and beautiful and the writing was excellent! <3 <3

    Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

    #136711
    Brian Stansell
    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    Per request, I have updated the Scene Questions below to include Rose’s suggestion (@rose-colored-fancy) …

    May I humbly suggest adding a question to the critique questions? When I’ve let others read a piece, it has always helped me a lot to ask what part/element they noticed or liked the most.  The answer has always surprised me and it’s very interesting to see what stands out the most about your piece from an outsider’s perspective.

    …AND I have added one additional question that goes to the value of this fun exercise. 😎  12 Disciples – 12 Tribes of Israel – 12 Gates in the Heavenly City – 12 – Eggs in a Dozen… (Okay, I’ll admit I got carried away with this last one 😜)…Why shouldn’t there be a full dozen questions?

    —————————-

    Audio Cinema – Scene Questions (Updated August 1st, 2021)

    1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?

     

    2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?

     

    3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?

     

    4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?

     

    5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?

    a. Setting

    b. Character thoughts and motivations

    c. Character appearance and/or mood expressions

     

    6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?

     

    7. Did you learn something in this scene that you wondered about in a previous scene?

     

    8. Did this scene make you want to read more scenes? (Why or why not?)

     

    9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?

     

    10. Is there a particular part of the scene that stood out to you as your favorite? (Why?)

     

    11. What, if anything, would you change about this scene to make it more interesting to you?

     

    12. Is there something in the author’s audio reading of the scene that you picked up on that you might not have noticed if you had just read the text alone silently to yourself?

    ————————– Audio Cinema Entries So Far ——–

    Rose [tagged above] (27-July) submitted “Liorah’s scene from Bk 1: Ch 3, Sc 1” (See Post #136514)


    @sparrowhawke
    – (25-June) Bethania submitted “Malar and Crin’s Scene” (See Post #135107)


    @joelle-stone
    (12-July) Joelle submitted “Seen” (See Posts #135859 for Link and #135792 for text)


    @bclarke
    – (13-July) Bronte submitted “Jade’s Side Story” (See Post #135900)

    I am not including my own 3 entries in the above list. Y’all have, perhaps, heard enough from me… 😊😋 …at least for a while, anyway.

    —————
    We need to hear from you guys and gals too…


    @this-is-not-an-alien


    @irishcelticredflowercrown


    @anne_the_noob14


    @erynne


    @nataliecone


    @crazywriter


    @ashley-tegart


    @morreafirebird


    @devastate-lasting


    @tanyacreative


    @melancholicwriter


    @imwritehere1920


    @skylarynn


    @arindown


    @joy-caroline


    @michelle


    @noah-cochran


    @fitz

    @everyone (anyone I left out, I am sorry… )

    Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
    I was born in war.
    Fighting from my first breath.

    #136714
    Livi Ryddle
    @anne_the_noob14

    I’ll see if I have time to record something next week. I have two exams this week and then a two-week break until the start of next semester, so I’ll work on finishing my short story during that time and hopefully have it recorded as well 🙂

    As far as answering questions goes, I’ll have to do that as I’m able. I hardly have time to sit for extended periods of time nowadays… 😛

     

    “Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"

    #136715
    Brian Stansell
    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    @anne_the_noob14

    That sounds great, Livi!

    Remember, the exercise only requires one scene, but if you want to do more, the file size might take longer to upload and share. Totally up to you.

    Thank you for giving it a shot.  As for the questions, these are what one or more of us will answer for you regarding your submission.
    But you are welcome to listen to any of the others that have been posted and provide your feedback to those questions too.

    May God bless you as you study and give you understanding, recall, and clarity as you answer during the exams.  Praying for you.  I do remember those stressful times and am so glad they are in the past.

    I always could relate to this verse:
    And further, my son, be admonished by these. Of making many books [there is] no end, and much study [is] wearisome to the flesh. [Ecclesiastes 12:12 NKJV]

    Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
    I was born in war.
    Fighting from my first breath.

    #136717
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @anne_the_noob14

    Ahh, the dreaded monster of exams! I hope the exam doesn’t stress you out too much and that it goes well! <3


    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    I like the new questions! I must admit, I’ve always been fascinated with the recurring numbers in scripture. 40, 7, 8, and 12, for example. I actually started using it in my WIP XD Seven main characters, seven tribes, seven craft-masters, I could go on, but stuff happens in sevens. XD Just a fun easter-egg for those who find it XD

    @everyone

    I tried to submit this piece earlier, but the internet gremlins gobbled it up, so I’m trying again.

    This is from Faye’s perspective. She’s the second protagonist in my second book and doesn’t feature at all in the first book. She has a separate storyline that won’t spoil the entire first book, so I have a couple scenes I can pull from there.

    Also, I just really love Faye. Wait, none of you have met her yet! She hasn’t been in any of the castles and Liorah doesn’t know her yet at this point. Well, here’s your introduction then XD

    I was struggling with introducing seven characters in one scene without making it too shallow or too cluttered, so tell me how I did with that!

    Book 2, Chapter 4, Scene 1

    1021 words (6:46 mins.)

    Audio: (Internet gremlins acting up again! I’ll post it separately to see if it works better.)

    Faye

    Melodic whistling, like a bird in spring, drifted through the window.

    I smiled. You could always find Father by the sound of his whistling.

    Several voices talked all at once. As I put the wooden bowls on the table for breakfast, the door swung open.

    Mother and Father came in first. I resembled both of them, but only slightly. Mother was petite, but carried enough authority to make all us children behave. Father’s eyes crinkled, as though he had just been smiling, even when he hadn’t.

    The twins came in after them, Lev in front. He grinned at me, his dimple deepening. Lev was one of those people you couldn’t help liking, even though he attracted trouble.

    Sage trailed behind, closely followed by Raisa.

    Sage concentrated on something in his hand, a contraption of some sort. He didn’t look up as he sat at his usual place.

    Raisa arranged the golden waves of her hair. She was the beauty of the family, and acutely aware of the fact. The double kolye chain sparkled on her forehead. At twenty, she was the first of my sisters to get engaged.

    Yoni, my youngest brother, peered into his cupped hands, observing whatever he had found. I shuddered at the thought of what creature it might be. I hoped he would leave it outside.

    “Lev almost broke the chicken coop,” Raisa announced, shooting him a contemptuous look.

    I stifled a grin.

    “Again?” 

    Lev shook his curly brown hair out of his eyes.

    “It’s flimsy, so whoever fixed it didn’t do it properly. The roof practically collapsed before I even touched it.”

    “It’s not made for climbing,” Father pointed out. “Besides, you fixed it last time.”

    “How else was I supposed to get that fat hen off?” Lev demanded.

    “I can suggest at least ten ways,” Sage said absently, still absorbed in his project.

    Lev glared at his twin brother, already formulating a retort.

    Mother interrupted him.

    “Please stop arguing,” she said, “Where’s Juni?”

    “Checking her traps I think, but who ever knows?” Isa said, laying out the spoons.

    Mother sighed.

    “She’ll show up soon enough,”

    We were halfway through breakfast before Juni appeared.

    Though, ‘appeared’ was too gentle a word to describe her entrance. She exploded into the room, throwing open the door with a bang. I dropped my spoon in surprise. A gust of cold air blew through the room.

    “You’ll never guess what I heard!” Juni said, ruffling her short brown hair.

    I winced. I wanted to cover my ears every time Juni spoke.

    “What?” Lev asked, his mouth full.

    Thankfully for him, Mother didn’t notice.

    “Guess,” Juni sat on the floor and pulled off her shoes. She refused to wear wooden ones like the rest of us. She claimed they scared off the animals.

    “The Landowners decided we can own the farm?” Isa asked, hopefully.

    Father raised an eyebrow and Sage snorted.

    “I said news, not a miracle,” Juni threw her shoes out the door. Why she couldn’t take them off outside was beyond me.

    “Close the door, Juniper,” Mother said,

    Juni pulled a face at her full name but obeyed.

    “Tell us, won’t you?” Raisa said, annoyed.

    Juni sauntered over to her chair but didn’t sit. She drew herself up to her full height, which wasn’t that impressive since she wasn’t much taller than me.

    “Listen here,” she said, relishing the undivided attention.

    “We’re already listening,” Sage said,

    “Shut up. I bumped into Kelila, and she told me she’d heard the news from— ”

    “This is getting complicated,” Sage interjected, purely for the sake of aggravating Juni.

    “Only for your simple mind,” Juni retorted.

    Father interrupted what would become an extensive argument.

    “Please, Juni. Tell us,”

    Juni obeyed, giving Sage a final superior look.

    “There’s war in the south,” Juni declared, dramatically.

    For a moment, there was a stunned silence. Then everyone spoke at once, except me and Yoni, who admired the green lizard he’d pulled out of his pocket.

    I shot him a look. Reptiles weren’t allowed at the table.

    He stuck out his tongue at me but hid the lizard again.

    “Who started it?” Father asked, his calm voice graver than usual.

    Everyone else quieted to hear Juni’s reply.

    “The Kezbes—”

    “Isn’t it always?” Isa asked.

    “Attacked the Lehabim,” Juni finished, ignoring Isa.

    “They’ll wipe the Lehabim from the face of the earth. In any case, let them fight out their own battles, it won’t affect us,” Father said, closing the topic.

    With that, Juni finally sat. Her moment of glory was over.

    After breakfast, we split up, each to their own chores. Sage and Lev followed Father to gather wood for the week. I smiled as I heard Lev try to whistle like Father. It didn’t sound like a melodic bird, more like a strangled frog.

    Isa and Mother cleaned up the dishes while Raisa pulled out a dress with only a few seams left to finish.

    “Lady Chana better be satisfied.” She slid a leather thimble onto her finger and started sewing.

    “What was wrong this time?” I asked. It was the third time Raisa had to remake the dress for the butcher’s fussy wife.
    Raisa threw up her hands in despair, dropping the needle.

    “She says it makes her look ‘as plump as a partridge’,” Raisa said, mimicking Lady Chana’s haughty tones.

    “I don’t think it’s the dress,” Mother murmured, stifling a grin.

    Raisa laughed and continued stitching.

    I went outside and slipped on my shoes.

    Juni and Yoni sat against the wall outside the door, plucking some fat quail Juni had caught in her traps.

    “No, like this,” Juni said, pulling out a handful of dull brown feathers. They fluttered to the ground. I hoped Juni would remember to pick them up this time, instead of leaving them to blow all over the yard for someone else to take care of. Probably me.

    Yoni puckered his face in concentration as he tried to follow Juni’s example.

    I started on the long walk toward the pasture we shared with most of the village. Our cow would be calving soon, and I needed to check on her.

    ________

    This piece was just plain fun to record. I did find myself constantly having to adjust the volume whenever I recorded dialogue for Juni XD I imagine her with a pretty loud voice, and I got a bit enthusiastic while recording XD (No worries, I adjusted it so it won’t blast out your eardrums, it’s all fixed XD)

    Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

    #136718
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    Yay! It worked! Here’s the audio file: Faye’s first scene

    Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

    #136719
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @rose-colored-fancy,

    Aww, thanks so much!!! I totally didn’t deserve that and it made my day. 🙂

    (Also… very excited for this new piece you’ve posted… :))


    @anne_the_noob14
    ,

    Yahoo, I can’t wait to hear from you! And best of luck on your exams. 🙂

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #136732
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @joelle-stone

    Aww, thanks so much!!! I totally didn’t deserve that and it made my day.

    (Also… very excited for this new piece you’ve posted… :))

    *Gives you a big hug* Of course you deserve it! It was lovely!

    I can’t wait to see what you think of Faye, my precious smol cinnamon roll. XD She’s the sweetest character. (Quite a contrast with Liorah XD)

    Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

    #136736
    Neasa
    @irishcelticredflowercrown

    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    Hi there 🙂 sorry my life has become very hectic literally overnight, so I haven’t had a lot of time for Story Embers. But this looks like good fun! I will upload a recording as soon as I can.

    #136742
    Linyang Zhang
    @devastate-lasting

    All right, um…here is a thing I recorded, of a work that I started but have put on the back burner for now. It’s the very beginning part, because I really didn’t write that much of it. I realise that I sound like I’m dying (probably because I don’t read out loud much and it’s been ages since I’ve done public speaking) and also I trip over words a lot. So, please, forgive me.

    Book Title: In the Faded Light of That Day, Chapter 1, Part 1

    Moniker: @devastate-lasting

    Text: 874 words, 4:35 audio

    May 25th, 2035.

    The day that the world as we knew ended.

    Chen Mai was sitting in the empty classroom, staring at the afternoon light outside the window. The breeze was warm for the first time in a long while. It would be summer soon, and school would be over.

    He was standing by her desk, holding out a single rose. Embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck in the way that he used to.

    “Chen Mai…I heard you like roses.”

    “Who told you that?”

    “Erm…Yan Ling from Class Three.”

    “Is that so?”

    She turned to take the rose, but he was gone.

    The curtains were floating in the fresh breeze. White and faded but soft and reassuring. She swallowed, wishing that he was here so she could take the rose. She would place it in a vase of tap water by her bedside. That way, when she woke up too early, she could stare at it, listening to the machines outside, watching the sunlight strike the red of it and turn it warm.

    Someone entered the classroom, whistling, and stopped, seeing her. “Chen Mai? You still here?”

    Yan Ling from Class Three. He had dyed his hair blonde sometime in the winter, and right now she could see his black roots starting to reappear. He had gotten into trouble for it but he couldn’t un-dye his hair without another visit to the salon so they let him keep it.

    “I forgot to leave,” Chen Mai said with all seriousness. “What are you doing here?”

    “I forgot some books,” he replied, reaching into one of the desks. “So I came back to get them.Didn’t want to leave them at school over the weekend.”

    “…this isn’t your classroom.”

    He straightened up, shifting his backpack onto his other shoulder. “That is absolutely correct. The truth is, Li Jian is the one who forgot his books, but he was too embarrassed to come back and get them. So he had me fetch them instead.”

    Li Jian. Glasses-wearing, top of the class. He wasn’t the type to forget, ever. So of course he would be embarrassed.

    “Where is he now?”

    “He’s waiting with Mei Yu down the street. Are you coming? Mei Yu’s been worried about you.”

    “I’ll come, I’ll come.”

    She took up her bag and followed him down. The school was empty at this time of day. She had missed cram school by now, surely.

    “What were you doing up there anyways?”

    “…I fell asleep.”

    In the light of the early dusk she saw Li Jian and Mei Yu waiting for them underneath a tree that grew in the sidewalk. Li Jian’s hair was getting slightly in need of a haircut, and Mei Yu stood short next to him, her bangs reaching the top of her glasses.

    “Don’t you guys have cram school?” Chen Mai asked.

    “Well, we were going to wait for you, but then we were going to be late, so we went, but then found out that the teacher’s sick, so we circled back to see if you were awake yet.”

    Yan Ling rolled his eyes. “We only came back because Li Jian forgot his books.”

    “Shut it.”

    “Hey, is that any way to talk to someone who just went up several flights of stairs in a closed school for your stuff?”

    “Thanks,” Li Jian mumbled, taking his books and shoving them in his backpack.

    Mei Yu took Chen Mai by the arm. “Are you feeling sick? You didn’t look too well today…”

    Chen Mai looked down at her. Mei Yu was her desk mate and one of her closest friends at school. Of course she’d notice.

    “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

    Mei Yu gave her hand a small squeeze. “All right. If you say so.”

    Li Jian checked his watch. “Well, it’s too late for cram school, if there was any. But I think we can still make it to piano class.”

    They were second year high school students. Chen Mai, Mei Yu, and Li Jian were in Class Two. The four of them did go to the same cram school, but the reason that they were friends was because they took piano lessons together.

    As they walked towards the bus stop, Chen Mai felt her chest tighten. Was it because of the cool warmth of the day or the weight of her backpack? Was the road too steep? But they were going downhill…

    She couldn’t breathe. She wanted to sit down. But before she could say anything…

    That day, the world ended. The world which we knew was gone forever.

    “Chen Mai…I heard you like roses.”

    She felt bile rise up from her stomach. Why was the ground like that, all twisting and turning like some weird pudding? Were the windows supposed to be rattling so loud? Everything was shaking, bouncing, up and down like waves…

    Someone was calling her name. But everything was so loud, so overwhelming…

    “I think this is what they call an earthquake.”

    She tried to look for the voice, because it was his voice, and she wanted to ask if he had anymore roses left…

    Everything was falling apart, but everything had been falling apart long before this day, her whole world had been shattered long ago…

    Audio file link (please please please work): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JabPKgjb1Et_gnL1QLNam5W4dc55mc-n/view?usp=sharing

    "I set a melody upon the scenery I saw outside my window;
    It's beginning in my spacy world."
    - TK

    #136744
    Brian Stansell
    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    @irishcelticredflowercrown

    Hi Neasa!

    I just wanted you to know that you are fondly thought of and always included and your contributions are always valued.

    my life has become very hectic literally overnight

    Dear Lord, I pray for my friend Neasa.  I know you are aware of whatever is going on in her life that burdens her. I pray for You to intervene and to show Yourself mightily in her life and in this situation, whatever it is. Strengthen her, encourage her, bear her burdens, and open doors of opportunity for her, that amaze everyone witnessing Your Hand on her life and on her talents yielded to You.  Give her clear direction from Your Word.  Give her the confidence to cast all of her cares on You, for You tell us You care intimately for each one of us and know us by name.  You count the very hairs on our heads. (Luke 12:7)

    You are Jehovah Rapha (Our Healer), Jehovah Nissi (Our Banner), Jehovah Jireh (Our Provider), and Jehovah Shalom (Our Peace).  I pray that these aspects of You, Father, will be shone to her in a powerful way today.

    For it is in Your Precious Name of Jesus (Yeshua our Messiah) that we ask and claim these things for her.
    Amen.

    Be comforted, my friend. God’s got this.
    Whenever you can, we would love to hear your own entry, but we will practice a fruit of the Spirit in the meantime…patience. 😊

    Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
    I was born in war.
    Fighting from my first breath.

    #136747
    Brian Stansell
    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    @devastate-lasting

    Linyang,

    Your reading was brilliant! You have a very calm and soothing voice, girl. You need never apologize for those dulcet tones.

    I realize that I sound like I’m dying (probably because I don’t read out loud much and it’s been ages since I’ve done public speaking) and also I trip over words a lot. So, please, forgive me.

    Your flow is very good and you add nuance to each character, that I don’t even think you realize. Excellent job!  I can’t wait for the others to hear it.  You should be confident to do more public speaking.

    The shift from the moment Chen Mai starts to take the rose, to the flashback and then to the moment where the memory returns to the present where she cannot take the rose is brilliant.  You leave us with the longing to know more about her and about the meaning of her cryptic allusion…

    Everything was falling apart, but everything had been falling apart long before this day, her whole world had been shattered long ago…

    This scene begs for a follow-up.  This is exactly what a single isolated scene should do!
    Bravo! Bravo!

    Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
    I was born in war.
    Fighting from my first breath.

    #136762
    Bethany
    @sparrowhawke

    @obrian-of-the-surface-world

    Thanks for the tag. July was unusually (but in a good way) busy for me, but I hope I’ll be able to get to some of these stories later this month.


    @rose-colored-fancy
    & @devastate-lasting

    I’ll try to get to your stories sometime in the next couple weeks!

    "Can't have dirty garbage."

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