Vivian Grant

@vivian-grant

Oh, and by the way, that’s fine if fancy dialogue tags are your thing. I totally understand because I used to use them a lot too! I was just suggesting what my writing teacher had pointed out. The reader won’t think you’re boring if you use “said” a lot since the dialogue, not the tags are the most important part. The tags are just…[Read more]

@vivian-grant

That makes sense. And you’re welcome! I’m glad I could help! 🙂

@vivian-grant

Whoa, that’s SUPER creepy!!!!!! 😃  SUPER COOL, though, thanks for sharing!!!!

A couple of comments:

1)  That scene where Wren yelled at the Smilers was a little confusing.  Why would she do that if she knows how dangerous the Smilers are?  I think it would be better for Gladys to freak out instead of Wren, because Wren knows mor…[Read more]

@vivian-grant

Ooh, it’s so creepy, but I love it! The ending is really powerful, and I love how you developed the theme of needing to be informed about the danger to know how to fight it. It reminds me of this quote by C.S. Lewis: “Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and h…[Read more]

@vivian-grant

Great, thanks!

@vivian-grant

love it!!  Much better! 😉

I’ll let you know if I’m free to beta read your short story—I have a pretty packed schedule at the moment.  I’d definitely be interested though!!! 😃

@vivian-grant

I think if you combined the first and second one to introduce Wren and the creatures, it would be more compelling.  I also like @zee ‘s suggestions.  Amazing concept!!!

@vivian-grant I read it. It was good, but I think you could make it more dramatic. Maybe more facial expressions?

And, I also think you hook the reader by putting in more stakes. What will it cost the man? Is this life and death? Loosing a fortune? You don’t have to give details, just give enough to make me want to know the answer.

Sorry if I’m…[Read more]

@vivian-grant Those are good points. And I can definitely see your theme now. Keep up the good work!

@vivian-grant Hi, Vivian!

I thought Phoenix and Innolan were interesting characters and I enjoyed their relationship and dialogue. I also enjoyed the gothic feel of the story. And well done on the setting.

Ferand could maybe stand a little more development and time in the story. (I did think it was well done that you put him in the scene in the…[Read more]

@vivian-grant

I don’t know what the heck is wrong! I have written a LONG comment TWO times and they are not here!!!!! Why???????????

@vivian-grant

Hey!

I can read it if you want!

@vivian-grant As of right this very moment I don’t have any more beta reading time available, but that changes on a week to week basis. If you’re still looking for feeback next weekend (or really any time, I guess) please feel free to hit me up!

@vivian-grant Thanks for the tag! Unfortunately, I’m trying not to commit to too much right now as far as beta-reading and tons of writing projects, so I’m gonna have to back out of this one. If you don’t have a deadline, I can try to read it as I’m able, but we’ll see 🙂

@esther-sears

Oof! The whole thing was moving!!  But I guess particularly the end. As far as anything I would have change. . . I think @vivian-grant already said all that needed to be said!

You are in the Meraki guild!! That’s the guild my sis is in. Dakota.

@vivian-grant

Ikr? It’s so beautiful!! Your story sounds interesting as well.

Are you new in Story Embers?