@kristianne-hassman

I did wonder whether their tardiness had to be better explained, and your insight confirms it. The idea was that only Wren is truly aware of the danger, thanks to her nursemaid, but being a little girl and wanting to please her friend, she is easily guiled into staying out longer. I will revise the story to convey that…[Read more]

@writergirl101

Thank you. I will leave a link to the story below for you whenever you have the time.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tsimipvyfeix7qf/The%20Smilers%20of%20Carmadyne.docx?dl=0

@zee @writergirl101

Here is the revised version.

Every night, from dusk to dawn, Carmadyne town is invaded by mysterious humanoids. In fear of the creatures, no person ventures from their homes until the sunrise. Nine-year-old Wren complies with the curfew without questioning the reason behind it— until one night, when she decides to ask her n…[Read more]

@zee @writergirl101

Thank you both for responding. I will be sure to consider your feedback and advice.

@taylorclogston @arindown

Thank you both for the feedback.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1d9kuwsbjpdce70/Prologue.docx?dl=0

@taylorclogston

Thank you. I really don’t know how this keeps happening. 😛

@sam-m

Thank you for the feedback. I do see ways I could foreshadow the kidnapping a little more, because it is such a big part of the story.

Hmm, Zrorar… I put him into the beginning as a brief example of how adored and desired Phoenix was. He isn’t really supposed to have an actual role beyond that, and I think that expanding on his…[Read more]

@beth20

Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.

@beth20

Thank you! I would greatly appreciate it.

@taylorclogston

Next weekend would work great, but again, you can come to it whenever you have time.

@anne_the_noob14

I appreciate the reply. I don’t have much of a deadline, and hopefully at least one person can critique it for me, so we’ll just see what happens.