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Ella replied to the topic Short Story here! in the forum Fantasy Writers 5 years, 4 months ago
Whoa, that’s SUPER creepy!!!!!! 😃 SUPER COOL, though, thanks for sharing!!!!
A couple of comments:
1) That scene where Wren yelled at the Smilers was a little confusing. Why would she do that if she knows how dangerous the Smilers are? I think it would be better for Gladys to freak out instead of Wren, because Wren knows more about everything.
2) The tension was great throughout the story, which I loved!!!
3) You know what would be really cool is if you used more foreshadowing, ex. classifying voices of adults (smooth, gentle, lovely) in the beginning of the story, or Wren sees/smells a specific thing when the Smilers come out (red ribbon, perfume).
I think all short stories should (since they’re so short) pack a punch. If you develop the characters a little more and strengthen the theme, this will be amazing!!!!!!!! I loved it (and it inspired me to write a horror/thriller/suspense book now 😂)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job,
Ella












