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@vivian-grant Hi, Vivian!

I thought Phoenix and Innolan were interesting characters and I enjoyed their relationship and dialogue. I also enjoyed the gothic feel of the story. And well done on the setting.

Ferand could maybe stand a little more development and time in the story. (I did think it was well done that you put him in the scene in the beginning). It felt slightly disconnected from the whole of the plot when Ferand kidnapped Phoenix -maybe you could foreshadow it a little bit more?

Also, Sir Zrorar kind of vanished from the beginning of the story -maybe he could play a small role near the end? (Maybe he’s part of the Velvet Society).

The story might benefit from inserting a  slightly more obvious (but not necessarily too obvious) theme or question (I admit, this could also be personal preference). For example: does Innolan care about about Phoenix? You could have Phoenix  doubt that he does, but then he rescues her at the end. OR you could do something broader like: are people good or bad? Then you have Innolan who murders people, but also saved Phoenix and kind of goes to show that people can be both.

It was a good story -I think you have the potential to make it even better. Thank you for tagging me so that I could read it! 🙂