Daeus Lamb

@daeus-lamb Nice! The one critique I have is the first line.

Failing to save her fourteen years ago haunts his memory,

The ‘her’ is vague and not explained and threw me because I was expecting to be told who she was. If it was even just a generic description like ‘sister’ or ‘one he loved’ or… something better than that. XD But something, I…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb

I have to agree with @taylorclogston with the fact that — at least at the beginning — it sounds typical and generic. I was almost turned off just by the first sentence. There are a couple of really good sentences in there, but as a whole it was really vague and typical, which I know does not represent all of the hard work you have…[Read more]

Thanks for the tag, @daeus-lamb !

This reads pretty generically to me. Your first sentence is “Protag is the main character of the same fantasy epic you’ve read a million times, where a Dark Lord is returning and the hero wants to stop him.” And the last two lines tell me “The author is a Tolkien nerd.”

The part that really interests to me is…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb *promptly melts aforementioned chair* Thankee kindly. *nods*

I definitely like the revised version. The second one you put could be used if you needed something shorter than the first. For the last two lines you mentioned, I think you might need some sort of transition from the 3rd to last and the 2nd to last, the idea of saving the…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb @hope-ann

Woohoo!!! Congratulations, Hope!

And, thank you for allowing me to contribute to Rillumen’s count, Daeus. It was an honor.

@daeus-lamb *smacks forehead* I’ve been so busy trying to finish school up before Christmas break that I’ve barely written at all. . .

@daeus-lamb Hey, how’s it going? *waves* *offers ice cream* *also raspberries*

Well, first of all, this sounds epic. Just wanted to make sure that was clear before going forward. 😛

I think in the first paragraph, rephrasing the second sentence to “saving the world would be a dream come true” might be clearer.

And perhaps instead of saying “no…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb

Whoaa… this is so exciting. 😉

Personally, I feel like the first sentence could include a little bit of setting, like referencing the land that the story takes place in. Perhaps this could stand in place of “the world” which would help tie the reader’s mind down to a specific place. Also, it would keep the second “the world” from…[Read more]

@morreafirebird I kind of let out a deep breath and smiled when I saw your post! 😊 It’s so good knowing I’m not the only one. . .

I haven’t read Lord of the Rings (it’s on my list because so many writers have sung its praises on here!), but I will say that it can show up anywhere if there’s a situation that could allow for it. However, YA does…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb Just idiotically submitted a word count for something I wrote today if you could discount that. Sorry! 😥

Fellow Paramis, I’ve been diagnosed with repetitive strain injury in both wrists from both handwriting and typing, so you’ll continue to not see me around for a while, and I won’t really be writing much either. School is already…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb:

Question: even though I’m not in a guild (😭- YET – someday when school disappears) I’m curious about these word wars because I’m a curious person. (😋) I’m clever enough to know that you write and keep track of your word count for a week to enter/win/etc., but do you enter your word count at the end of the week? Make multiple…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb

Sounds awesome and thanks for the offer, but I really don’t have time right now.

@daeus-lamb Thanks so much for the offer. It sounds amazing! But I think I’m gonna pass this time.

@toklaham-veruzia Yeah, I was wondering the same thing! It kind of confused me since they seemed fairly similar (I mean, excepting the differences @morreafirebird stated) and involve so many of the same people. I’m not sure exactly why Story Embers came about as a separate entity. I’m sure there’s a reason, though! 😀

@josiah @daeus-lamb @hope-ann…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb

I promise I haven’t forgotten, it’s just most of my 5000 word stories aren’t finished yet. 🙂 So I’m having a hard time picking one, I tend to jump from project to project. But I should have picked one out by tonight to send you.