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@daeus-lamb *promptly melts aforementioned chair* Thankee kindly. *nods*

I definitely like the revised version. The second one you put could be used if you needed something shorter than the first. For the last two lines you mentioned, I think you might need some sort of transition from the 3rd to last and the 2nd to last, the idea of saving the world.

He knows that he wants to save the world. Does he know what he’s saving the world from? The song, or a different evil? Are there more evils than just the song he has to account for?

Maybe “he underestimates” the dark shadow etc, or something along those lines.

“What could go wrong with saving the world? Yet Exton fails to consider (underestimates) a darker shadow lying over the land. –>>>”

The first one I think is good as it is, and above is just in case you wanted to reword those last few lines. 🙂