Fantasy Writers

Character Castle 2.0

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  • #125098
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    “It’s alright, someone new has arrived.” It was the prince, but his voice was taunt, like he was tensed and ready to act. Danger?

    Someone grabbed Riure’s free hand, and Sadiq growled. Probably Ehud.

    “It’s this big guy in a suit that looks like WarMachine!” Yes. Definitely Ehud.

    “War machine?” Riure asked with a shudder, cautiously peeling her other hand off the cold pillar and resting it on Sadiq’s head, hoping to calm the dog down. “Is that bad?”

    “Ruby Actual, this is Ruby Five. Are you there? This is Ruby Five. Please respond.” Riure had no clue who Ruby Actual was, but the person sounded male. Another male. Forcing herself to relax her muscles, Riure let a small laugh bubble into her mouth, where she silenced it.

    “You’ve got to admit, that was an impressive entrance,” the princess said, her voice coming from up above. “Greetings, what’s-your-name. Welcome to the place we’re all going to die.”

    “Li’ah, stop being so morbid,” Gavril said, and Ehud shook with laughter. Riure couldn’t contain her giggles either, so both of them chortled until Riure’s sides ached, tears streamed from her sightless eyes, and Sadiq was silently trying to decide whether Ehud was having a bad influence on her mistress. Swiping her tears away, Riure tried to calm herself. I wonder if anyone thinks we’re crazy yet, besides Rosario, she thought, and that made her laugh again, which caused Ehud to lose control.

    “Morbid? Me?” Princess Liorah responded, ignoring the hysterical pair. The sarcasm coating her tone made it even harder for Riure to get a hold of herself. “Why would I ever?! I mean, we’re trapped in a cave, the only way out is up, where we’ll probably all fall to our deaths, and if we don’t, who knows what ‘lord castle’ has waiting for us. How dare I be less than enthused by our futures?”

    Ehud made a choking sound, and Riure finally controlled her heaving sides. She dug a knuckled fist into her abdomen, smiling still despite the stitch making it hard to breathe. Cocking her head, she listened to the prince coaxing his sister up and away. So Princess Liorah was as afraid of heights as Prince Gavril had made her out to be.

    “So…whadawe do now?” Ehud said slowly, shifting his weight and letting go of Riure’s hand. She stroked Sadiq’s head, waiting for orders. She wished she could be useful.

    “Take Riure upstairs, carino, stay with the group,” Rosario ordered. “I’ll take the back, in case anything happens.” Something clicked, and Riure felt the air grow slightly more tense.

    “You always assume the worst of everybody,” Ehud said reproachfully.

    Rosario wasn’t impressed. “If you roll your eyes far enough you might find your brains there, idiota.”

    Oh, that would be interesting. Riure had never tried rolling her eyes before. She did so now, slowly bringing them up and around, then doing it again and again until she felt she was going to fall over and her eyes were truly going to tug her brain out. A snort burst from her carefully constructed controlling wall.

    Ehud wrapped an arm around Riure’s shoulders, guiding her up the steps. She shrugged away from his guiding with a smile. “I don’t want to slow you down. If you just talk me through it, Sadiq can guide me.”

    She couldn’t quite tell if Ehud was offended or not, but before she had the chance to find out, something blared from above, causing her to jump involuntarily and step on Ehud’s foot. He grabbed her arm before she could fall.

                                          And I said, “Hey pretty lady, won’t you give me a sign?
                                          I’d give anything to make you mine all mine
                                         I’ll do your biddin’ and be at your beck and call”

    “What, is, that?” Riure gasped.

    “It works, it works!” someone – male, sounded kind of like Dancrow – shouted at the top of his lungs. “Ecray Was!! YES!” Slowly the music faded.

    —————

    So I’m a little confused as to the timeline here, but I’m just rolling with it. 😉 @this-is-not-an-alien

    Making something beautiful in a broken world can be harrowing work. And it can’t be done alone.
    ~AP

    #125103
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Ooh, how do you say “why aren’t you in school?” in Dutch?

    Usually: “Heb je geen school vandaag?” (Don’t you have school today?) It’s usually formulated like that because the Dutch school system is freakishly irregular and oftentimes a school will take a day off randomly.

    Your new pic’s really interesting btw it looks like it could’ve been from ancient Egypt or Greece!

    Thank you so much! It’s one of my newer drawings of Liorah, I was particularly proud of that one XD Her clothing and headdress are based on Amazigh’s (Berber) traditional clothing. It’s pretty close to what Liorah would have worn for formal events in her time and place. (Medieval North-Africa) Don’t get me wrong, very few things in my book are historically accurate, but I do like taking historical inspiration. And it’s super pretty XD

    That whole ‘rant’ was awesome btw!

    Aw, thanks!

    Ehud had sole rights to calling her Rosy and she had no interest in becoming ‘chubby’ with everyone here, some of them at least were going to die so there was no reason to become attached.

    That is the most Rosario thing I’ve ever read XD

    Rosario nodded and was about to say something when an explosion occurred. For some obscure reason she was not surprised. No, no surprises here, just a blockbuster size metal man.

    That was hilarious!


    @joelle-stone

     I went on vacation over the weekend and everything I did I somehow managed to get it into my book or research it for my book or use it for my book. I was telling my dad about it, and my older sib (who was listening in) was like, “Do you do ANYTHING but books?”

    That sounds so familiar XD

    Gavril

    The man laughed and put away his rifle. I relaxed. That had been much too close.

    “The first one better knock me out,” he said.

    I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing but stifled it immediately.

    “That’s… optimistic, but okay,” I said, as I folded the sling and returned the lead bullet to the pouch. I had never used my sling on a person, but I had hunted and chased away predators. The bullets could shatter a hyena’s thick skull, so a human’s wouldn’t be a problem. I was glad I didn’t have to try it.

    The man introduced himself as Klein Larson, a Gunnery Sargeant. I had no idea what that meant, but I did gather that I’d been correct and he was in the military.

    He flew across the chasm with the help of some sort of device attached to his armor.

    I raised my eyebrows, impressed.

    “Well now. Let’s break out of prison,” he said,

    I nodded and peered up the stairs. Ehud and Riure were disappearing around a bend, but Rosario stood at the bottom of the stairs, a small device that looked like a weapon clenched in her hand. She gave us both a quick, calculating look, then bolted up the stairs ahead of us, shooting glances over her shoulder as though she expected us to stick a knife in her back.

    “I’m Gavril, Crown prince of the Lehabim. Second in command, I don’t know what you’d call that in your time,” I said, apologetically.

    I didn’t mean to brag, but he’d introduced himself with his name and rank, so I did the same. I didn’t pride myself on my rank. It hadn’t been handed to me, I’d had to prove myself every single day, but I hadn’t really earned it either. It didn’t feel that way, at least. I’d never even been in a real battle.

    Rosario slowed, held up with Riure, who was having trouble with the stairs. I waited, patiently. I was in no hurry to get to the top, and I didn’t want her to feel rushed. Eventually, they reached the top.

    Liorah

    I heard voices downstairs. Gavril and the other one– Ruby five? Gavril’s voice came first. His tone was familiar and it sent my stomach plunging to my boots.

    It was the tone he used when there was danger, the slow, careful, measured one. There was a pause, then laughter. I let out a sigh of relief. Gavril had managed it, again. Footsteps rattled up the stairs, first two pairs of quick ones. Rilyn and Konyar burst inside, both in human form now. Then two slower pairs, that paused somewhere halfway, and another sound, a rattling of nails on steel. That must be Riure, Sadiq, and someone else. Either Ehud or Rosario. Probably Ehud.

    They came through the doorway next, Ehud’s blonde hair even more rumpled than usual. Rosario came next, her footsteps bounding in long, quick strides. She shot a suspicious look over her shoulder at what sounded like Gavril and the new person.

    “Yeah, I know. Gavril’s a pretentious, overly-polite idiot. You learn to ignore it after a while,” I told Rosario, making sure Gavril could hear me.

    “I heard that!” He said, appearing in the doorway, a frown on his face for the first time.

    “You were supposed to,” I said, grinning smugly.

    The armored man followed him. Apparently, Gavril had decided it was alright, so I’d just have to trust him.

    Gavril looked down the stairs.

    “Okay, I think that’s everyone–” Before he could finish, the door slammed shut and we were left in darkness.

    I scrambled to my feet and limped toward Gavril. I stood next to him, somehow feeling as though I needed to be close to him.

    A single light clicked on on the far side of the room, illuminating the door that we hadn’t gone through yet.

    A metallic, unnatural voice resonated out of the walls, and even through Dancrow’s voice-box-thingy.

    “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”

    My mouth had gone dry and I barely managed to keep the quiver out of my voice. We were trapped, up high, together, and held up only by the very thing that was threatening us. This was just great.

    “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point,” I said, dryly. Though it sounded like nothing more than my usual bravado, I had another reason. I wanted to figure out if the stupid thing could actually hear us.

    The castle silenced, apparently insulted. Good.

    “Ya know, you might have an idea there.” The castle’s tone had altered so radically that I staggered backward. It was a casual drawl, not unlike Dancrow or Ehud’s accents.

    “‘Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies. Just hurry, you have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun!”

    My stomach twisted as what that meant finally set in. Out of all of us, only half would leave. The others would die. Somehow. Just, die.

    “Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”

    The utter disregard the castle seemed to have for our lives made red flecks appear in front of my eyes. I couldn’t lose anyone here. I couldn’t. Especially not if my life could save someone. Tears of anger, of fear, of pain, brimmed in my eyes.

    I raised my wounded leg and yanked the boot off, almost enjoying the sharp sting. I reared my arm back and hurled the boot at the lit door with all the power I had. I was barely biting back furious tears as the boot simply bounced off the wall. Useless.

    _______________

    Okay, y’all, I took the liberty of moving everyone’s characters along a bit, since I really wanted to get the trap started.

    Here’s how it works: Besides what the castle mentioned, there’s no way to break down either of the doors, the walls, or anything else. (Don’t worry, the characters won’t actually die, but I need them to feel as though there are actually consequences.)

    The purpose of this exercise is to figure out how characters react to a clear sacrifice/survival situation. I thought it might be interesting 😉 I picked the rules so it could happen that one of the characters just sort of grits their teeth and rattles of a list of names of people who will die. Generally, whatever happens will cause a lot of internal and external conflict, and I hope y’all can have some fun with it!

    Oh, and nobody is required to stick to the utterly ridiculous voice I randomly chose for the castle. That was solely for my own amusement.

    "I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." ~The Book Thief

    #125104
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @rose-colored-fancy,

    Okay, y’all, I took the liberty of moving everyone’s characters along a bit, since I really wanted to get the trap started.

    Totally fine and understandable!

    Here’s how it works: Besides what the castle mentioned, there’s no way to break down either of the doors, the walls, or anything else. (Don’t worry, the characters won’t actually die, but I need them to feel as though there are actually consequences.)

    The purpose of this exercise is to figure out how characters react to a clear sacrifice/survival situation. I thought it might be interesting   I picked the rules so it could happen that one of the characters just sort of grits their teeth and rattles of a list of names of people who will die. Generally, whatever happens will cause a lot of internal and external conflict, and I hope y’all can have some fun with it!

    *GASP* That is BRILLIANT!!! I can’t wait to see how everyone reacts to this!! Great development idea. 😀

    Oh, and nobody is required to stick to the utterly ridiculous voice I randomly chose for the castle. That was solely for my own amusement.

    Ha ha, I’m totally sticking with that. Maybe the castle just changes however it wants? 🙂

    Also, I realized that I forgot to respond to a couple things you said earlier, so…

    WOW! That post was amazing! I was actually scared when she was walking across the bridge, you wrote that SO well!

    Ha ha, thank you!! I kept trying to make it not cheesy, and while I wish it had turned out better, you made me think maybe it wasn’t that bad. 🙂 Thank you!!

    Have you ever heard the song ‘Set The World On Fire’ by Britt Nicole? I heard it today and I was just constantly thinking of Riure.

    *looks up song* WOW. That describes Riure PERFECTLY. Thx for sharing that with me!!! 😀

    I often think of my characters in terms of songs that describe them or that just sort of ‘work’ with them, and that one made me think of her.

    You do that too?! I love doing stuff like that. I also have recently gotten into writing stories from songs (look up Gollum’s Song by Emiliana Torrini; saddest song IN THE WORLD). 🙂

    Anyway, yurp.

    Making something beautiful in a broken world can be harrowing work. And it can’t be done alone.
    ~AP

    #125115
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    @this-is-not-an-alien

    AHH MATER! I love him! “Like tuh-mater but without the tuh” Have you seen Cars 2? In that one he gets tangled in with a buncha spies it’s awesome!

    Heheh *–awkward pause–*

    YES! I love that movie!!!!

    Oh you poor thing! I once dyed pudding green so, lol, no matter how many stupid things you do someone will always have done something stupider at some point XD.

    Thank you 😛

    (…how did you get mustard in your ear?)

    Well . . . .The lid was not screwed on the mustard container. I picked it up to put it in the fridge. I like to flip things around in my hands as I’m handling them, and voila! An utter mess 😛

    You take guitar lessons, that’s so cool!!! I always wanted to learn to play a guitar but I don’t have a) the time b) the money c) the patience and dedication. It is an acoustic or a bass or an electric?

    Ha ha; patience is one thing I’m still working on, LOL I just started a month ago or so, so I know a max of 4 chords! Yay! I’m a genius! (hear the sarcasm?) And its an acoustic (I love the sound 😀 )

    And YES! If characters (even villains) are interesting enough, you can get people to love them. In fact, when I’m writing, I end up loving my villains more (is that a bad thing or a good thing? 😛 ) Btw, those examples you stated are really cool! I’ve never read any of those, so I’ll have to check them out . . . But that reminds me of another one of my absolute favorite villains: Captain Nemo from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea!!!!!!!! 😀

    “If you roll your eyes far enough you might find your brains there, idiota.”
    Ehud rolled his eyes again, this time almost looking like he was trying to test that theory.

    I love their dialogue, XD, I love it!


    @rose-colored-fancy

    I totally agree! I think what contributes to that phenomenon is when characters don’t have realistic consequences and reactions to their actions. As far as I can remember (I read it almost two years ago) he didn’t have any consequences for the stuff he did. I think that’s what makes it seem ‘good’ because he seems to get satisfaction (of some sort) from his vengeance.

    Yes! Realistic consequences are key!

    Over-analysis, of absolutely everything XD Writing has ruined books and movies for me. I’m constantly thinking stuff like ‘that was an excellent use of the catalyst’ or ‘oh, they changed X to give the protagonist more agency’ or ‘The sword clearly represents unforgiveness. Without a doubt.’ It’s kind of fun, though it annoys my family when I start analyzing the movie out loud XD

    Ha! Yes! I tend to criticize every movie I watch now, LOL (making my sister wonder why I can’t just enjoy them) My dad is the type of guy who has a page of knowledge for just about everything, so when we’re watching a movie, he’ll point something out like: “that type of bolt would never come out of the sled like that. They are made just so that won’t happen!” Totally ruining the high action scene, XD

    Well, I haven’t seen it, but I think that the conflict between the heroes kind of forces you to make up your own mind on things since it messes with the black-and-whiteness. Personally, I love it when the heroes still have conflict, since it makes them individuals instead of a uniform group. Like, they can have different opinions and still have the same goal. Especially if their opinions tie back to their backstories and personalities! It seems to be pretty common that the heroes agree on everything, and that’s throwing away an opportunity for character development!

    Yes!!! ‘Cause in the real world, everybody has their own opinion on just about everything, XD! It’s so much more real that way.

    Yes, those characters are SO good! I loved them all, especially since they were so vastly different! And no, I don’t. XD As I mentioned before, I’m homeschooled, so my school times are irregular sometimes.

    Totally! And ha ha, I totally get it 😉 I’m homeschooled too! Don’t you just love doing math in your PJ’s?

    Okay, I had to check it out, and it is really fun, but it’s going to be stuck in my head from now until eternity XD

    Ikr?!?! Just listen to it a dozen times and you’re brain will get tired of it, or should, at least 😛

    And Rose, that is such a great idea!!!! I love the castles drawl, ha ha This trap will totally stretch my brain . . . (and its totally fine that you moved our characters a bit. Otherwise, we’d probably get to this trap in about a couple decades 😉 )

    "Whatever man loves dominates them. I loved wrong, for I loved myself. You don't know how sorry I am."

    #125144
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    DANCROW CART

    “Good for you. Nice music. How’d it get in there?”

    I turned to look at Miss Snoot; she was sitting against the wall with her wounded leg stretched out in front of her, and I noticed that it was starting to bleed again. My forehead creased slightly and I sighed, suddenly feeling really stupid. Stupid about my glee.

    What a hero I am.

    But, despite myself, I had another hot bubble of anger rising in my throat at the thought of her insults. But just get over it already. 95% of the people I meet chuckle or sneer at my name. I just keep my cool. And I’ve learned that if you’re going to be a leader, if you want to be successful, you’ve got to let some things go. You’ve got to forgive. And she looks like she needs help with the leg.

    Just then the others clumped through the door, and Miss Snoot said — in a loud voice —  “Yeah, I know. Gavril’s a pretentious, overly-polite idiot. You learn to ignore it after a while.”

    “I heard that!” Her brother stepped through the door with a dismal look on his face.

    “You were supposed to,” she answered smugly, and I couldn’t suppress a grin. I walked over to Gavril and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

    “Y’know, Gav, ya learn to ignore ‘er after a while,” I said encouragingly.

    Then the armored man came in, and I stopped and stared. Whoa. I just restrained myself from reaching out to touch his shiny smooth armor. I wondered if a bullet could penetrate it, and I couldn’t help but to feel a little uneasy.

    “Okay, I think that’s everyone–” Gavril started to say, but then the door slammed shut and the room went as dark as the inside of an old boot. I gave a gasp and nearly jumped out of my own. Miss Snoot got stiffly to her feet and stood next to Gavril. Liorah! That’s right. Her name clicked into my head just as a light clicked on across the room, shining on the door we had yet to enter.

    Then, a voice like a hoarse robot reverberated off of the dark walls. It sounded like it came from both inside me and out; it bounced around in my soul like a rubber ball inside a room; it thundered in my chest. The voice seemed to come right out of my radio as well, and I nearly dropped it from my shaky hands. As the voice continued to grow and fade in my ears, I jerked out my revolver and pointed it at the door, my hands continuing to tremble. What is this? What is it? What is going on again?

    “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”

    The voice was evil sounding, like something out of a nightmare, but there was something comical about it, like it was joking. I snorted, though I could feel my knees wobbling a tiny bit. Give me Vergs, give me rabid dogs, give me a giant-school-yard-bully, but give me this? I don’t know what is going on. And that is the worst part of it: I don’t understand.

    “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point,” Liorah said sardonically. I  couldn’t help but admire her apparent courage, but if she is anything like me, it is just a wall to hide behind. Like this idiotic grin I am wearing.

    The chilling voice went silent, but I still trained my gun on the door, my pointer finger tense on the trigger. Push slightly with your right hand and pull slightly with your left to brace it. Pull back on the trigger softly. Don’t jerk. Aim. Get ready to fire.  

    The owner of the voice must be behind the door. He must have some elaborate sound system up. By what he sounded like next, he must have been faking the creepy voice. I knew it. I was very offended by his drawl. It sounded like he was mocking me; the kids in Fancho laughed outright at my country accent.  Now this.

    “Ya know, you might have an idea there.” I narrowed my eyes and gritted my teeth, trying to steady my wavering aim.

    “‘Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies. Just hurry, you have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun! Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”

    I was speechless and my tongue tasted like parchment. The voice still rang in my ears. What? What did he just say? No, that isn’t possible. It isn’t. I can’t die yet. I’m not ready. I’ve still got so much life ahead of me. So much promise. So much to do. I can’t die yet. Not that way!

    Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liorah’s boot hit the wall and bounce off with a dull thud.

    All of these others. They have to die too? No, only half of them. Only half.

    I gave an involuntary shiver of rage, and my finger pressed the trigger. I didn’t mean to. But I did. There was a boom, and the silver bullet hit the door. And it ricocheted off the walls, zinging around the room. In a way, it was beautiful. But it really wasn’t.

    “Get down!” I screamed. I grabbed the nearest arm and yanked it as I fell to the floor and covered my head with my hands, still clutching the gun. A million thoughts raced through my head as I heard the bullet whining through the air. Would that silver sliver of metal kill the one extra person? What would they think of me now? Oh, but they wouldn’t have much time to think of me, except that I would be with the half who stayed, of course.

    The seconds seemed to last for years, and all I could think of was my impending fate.

    I’ll die.

    But I’m not ready.

    In Karodvia, I’d said I was ready and willing to die for my country. But when death is actually staring you in the face, when a knife is pricking your tender throat, when the gun is trained on your frightened face, and when the floor is about to collapse beneath your powerless feet, you suddenly realize that life is infinitely sweet. That there is so much more to do, so much more to try, so many more to love. You realize that though you may have wished for death at some point in your life, you didn’t know what you were wishing for. Death is black, death is unforgiving. Life still has a chance.

    I don’t want to die.

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Wingiby Iggiby. Reason: I always notice my mistakes AFTER I post it, uggg!!

    "Whatever man loves dominates them. I loved wrong, for I loved myself. You don't know how sorry I am."

    #125152
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    Oh, and how many are here still?

    1. Dan.

    2. Rosario.

    3. Ehud.

    4. Rose.

    5. Gavril.

    6. Klein.

    7. Gwen.

    8. Riure.

    Did I forget anybody? Please forgive my slow mind!! If this is right, we actually have an even number. It’s four and four.

    "Whatever man loves dominates them. I loved wrong, for I loved myself. You don't know how sorry I am."

    #125204
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @wingiby-iggiby,

    You forgot Liorah but put in Rose instead, so I think you’ve got ’em. We also have Konyar and Rylin if @mischievous-thwapling is still with us. 🙂

    Making something beautiful in a broken world can be harrowing work. And it can’t be done alone.
    ~AP

    #125207
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    @joelle-stone

    *Bangs head on table* Thank you!!

    "Whatever man loves dominates them. I loved wrong, for I loved myself. You don't know how sorry I am."

    #125208
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @wingiby-iggiby,

    No prob!

    Making something beautiful in a broken world can be harrowing work. And it can’t be done alone.
    ~AP

    #125209
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @wingiby-iggiby

    *GASP* That is BRILLIANT!!! I can’t wait to see how everyone reacts to this!! Great development idea.

    And Rose, that is such a great idea!!!! I love the castles drawl, ha ha This trap will totally stretch my brain . . . (and its totally fine that you moved our characters a bit. Otherwise, we’d probably get to this trap in about a couple decades)

    Thank y’all so much! I got the basic idea from… somewhere? I don’t remember, but I read the basic idea somewhere and expanded on it. I think it may be a lot of fun. *Evil chuckle*

     I tend to criticize every movie I watch now, LOL (making my sister wonder why I can’t just enjoy them) My dad is the type of guy who has a page of knowledge for just about everything, so when we’re watching a movie, he’ll point something out like: “that type of bolt would never come out of the sled like that. They are made just so that won’t happen!” Totally ruining the high action scene, XD

    LOL! I’m usually the person who points out stuff like that, annoying everyone around me. XD The one exception is those tense scenes where they’re slowly making a money transfer for some shady reason and the bar is s-l-o-w-l-y filling up. That annoys my dad XD “Why is it just ticking over so slowly? Do they think there’s a little dwarf that’s flicking the coins from one account to the other?” Apparently, money transfers are pretty instantaneous XD Also, when in movies they hack into a government file within seconds. In the middle of nowhere. With no internet. Those annoy me too XD

    Totally! And ha ha, I totally get it   I’m homeschooled too! Don’t you just love doing math in your PJ’s?

    XD

    Ha ha; patience is one thing I’m still working on, LOL I just started a month ago or so, so I know a max of 4 chords! Yay! I’m a genius! (hear the sarcasm?) And its an acoustic (I love the sound   )

    It’s so awesome that you play the guitar! It’s such a cool instrument!

    Then, a voice like a hoarse robot reverberated off of the dark walls. It sounded like it came from both inside me and out; it bounced around in my soul like a rubber ball inside a room; it thundered in my chest. The voice seemed to come right out of my radio as well, and I nearly dropped it from my shaky hands. As the voice continued to grow and fade in my ears, I jerked out my revolver and pointed it at the door, my hands continuing to tremble.

    That was such an awesome description!

     By what he sounded like next, he must have been faking the creepy voice. I knew it. I was very offended by his drawl. It sounded like he was mocking me; the kids in Fancho laughed outright at my country accent.  Now this.

    I LOVE how he just naturally assumes the castle is attacking him personally XD It suits his personality so well!


    @joelle-stone

    Ha ha, thank you!! I kept trying to make it not cheesy, and while I wish it had turned out better, you made me think maybe it wasn’t that bad.   Thank you!!

    You did it amazingly and it isn’t cheesy at all!

    *looks up song* WOW. That describes Riure PERFECTLY. Thx for sharing that with me!!!

    You’re welcome, I’m glad I guessed correctly 😉

    You do that too?! I love doing stuff like that. I also have recently gotten into writing stories from songs (look up Gollum’s Song by Emiliana Torrini; saddest song IN THE WORLD).

    That sounds like it could be such an awesome writing exercise! I usually have songs for relationships, scenarios, and characters. Liorah has like… *Checks list* 13 songs. Wow. I didn’t realize she had so many! Gav has only three.

     

     

    "I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." ~The Book Thief

    #125211
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @rose-colored-fancy,

    That sounds like it could be such an awesome writing exercise! I usually have songs for relationships, scenarios, and characters. Liorah has like… *Checks list* 13 songs. Wow. I didn’t realize she had so many! Gav has only three.

    That’s so cool!! I only have a couple characters with songs that define them (Riure’s on that list now, ha ha). Mostly I use Bible verses. 🙂 I should really get into it…

    And yes, it’s a great exercise! It is also really helpful for writer’s block ’cause you always have the next line/verse to write in. 😀

    Making something beautiful in a broken world can be harrowing work. And it can’t be done alone.
    ~AP

    #125212
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    Gavril

    Half. Five. Five people wouldn’t make it out of here. They would die.

    I raked my hand through my hair, half panicked at the thoughts racing through my head. What was I supposed to do? How could I save them?

    Bang!!

    The sound echoed through the room, an echo of the thudding of Liorah’s boot, only much, much louder. It came from something Dancrow held. He instantly fell to the ground as a small object whizzed through the air. I crouched, following his example.

    “Get down!” he shouted, pulling Liorah, who happened to be closest to him, down with him. She shook him off but didn’t get up.

    With a series of sharp, metallic bing’s, the projectile finally lost momentum and rolled to the floor, somewhere near me. I picked it up and got to my feet.

    I turned the small, silver bullet over and over, barely registering that it was still hot. It looked a little like one of the bullets I used for my sling.

    What was I supposed to do? How could I save them? And, was I going to volunteer?

    Liorah scrambled to her feet and yanked off her other boot, fury burning in her golden eyes.

    A deep, glowing rebellion like I hadn’t felt in years burned inside me. I didn’t want to die. I couldn’t give up life, just like that. Dark spots danced before my eyes, visible evidence of my… what was it even? Anger? Sadness? Fear? All of that, perhaps. Anger at whom? The castle? Liorah, for getting me into this?

    Liorah reared back her arm and hurled her other boot at the door, though it was entirely futile. It seemed to be some sort of vent for her emotions, and it didn’t cause any damage, so I didn’t stop her.

    No, I wasn’t mad at Liorah. That had been an accident, and I couldn’t stay mad at her, even if I pretended to. Even if I ignored the fact that she was my sister, she was a good person, genuine, kind, and so very brave. I had to get her out of here. At the cost of my own life? Could I? Could I throw my life away like that?

    “That was actually a pretty good idea,” Liorah told Dancrow, limping over to collect her boots and probably start repeating the process. “I was about to try with my sling. I’m not going to be bossed around by a big block of bricks!” She shouted the last part at the castle, for as much good as that would do.

    I watched her absently. What was this deep ache I could barely fathom? Was I a coward at heart, afraid of death?

    I believed Elohim, and He had promised all who believed in Him life after death. I believed in that too, with a blind faith that had somehow dragged me through so many hard times. Father’s death, the war. A brief, vivid memory popped up like they so often did. It was the one time I’d looked death in the face. Not by falling off a horse, which I’d done often enough, but by a Kezbe sword.

    ~~~~~~~~

    ‘I hurried out of the tent, my ears ringing with the clash of battle. It was so immensely loud! It sounded like a thousand hoofbeats and the pounding of feet on sand, the screaming of the wounded, and the ear-splitting blasts of the ramshorn. My hands were clammy with sweat and I barely managed to cling to the sword. I could barely lift the massive thing, my eleven-year-old hands far too small to wield it properly. 

    I wasn’t crying, not really. I couldn’t.  I needed to be strong for Li’ah. She was curled in the corner of the tent, sobbing.

    A massive, grey-cloaked figure appeared in front of me. My eyes widened and I lifted the sword into a clumsy defensive position. The man was a Kezbe, his long, curved Yatagan held loosely in his right hand. His grey cloak was stained with huge, dark splotches. Blood. 

    He looked down at me, his bright green eyes full of something like disgust, or pity, or both. I wanted neither. I launched at him, swinging my sword in a clumsy cut. I was going to die before I let him get to Liorah. He batted away the sword as if it were a fly and I lost my balance, tumbling to the ground. I tasted blood as I bit my lip and I tore open my knee on the rough stones. 

    Before I could get up, the Kezbe struck me with the flat of his sword, forcing me onto my back. I bit back tears at the ache in my side. I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. The sharp of his sword pressed to my chest, poised above my heart.

    “What have we come to, killing children.” The Kezbe said and raised his sword to drive it through me.

    His eyes widened and the Kezbe fell backward, blood pouring out of a wound in his back. I’d seen so much blood in the past months, I didn’t even flinch.

    Father’s strong, gentle arms picked me up, raising me to my feet.

    “You brave, stupid boy. You’ll make a great king someday. Go on,” he said, pushing me inside the tent. 

    ~~~~~~~~~

    I remembered Father’s voice clearer than anything else. A deep, strong voice, with a touch of sarcastic humor, like Liorah’s. She looked more like him than I did, but I hoped he would be proud of me too.

    Was I still that boy, who had tried to defend Liorah even though I didn’t have the faintest chance? I would be. I would be the son my father would be proud of, even if it cost me my life. If I saved my life by letting others give theirs, I wouldn’t be worthy of being a king.

    “I’ll do it,” I said, snapping out of my daydream. At least I would see Father again.

    "I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." ~The Book Thief

    #125218
    Jasmine
    @jasmine

    GWENDOLYN

     

    I trotted over the bridge and started up the steps, barely noticing the pain in my shoulder. It seemed to be healing amazingly fast, even though it still hurt. I didn’t understand this place. It forced us into caves of death and never-ending  staircases, but if it wanted us dead, we would probably all be dead by now. And everyone seemed to be healing faster than usual.

    I shook my head and stepped into the first room up the staircase and realized I was the last one to arrive. Before I could even draw a breath, the door slammed shut behind me, making everyone in the room jump.

    Then a light clicked on over another door and a large voice boomed through the room, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”

    The bone chilling voice was interrupted by Liorah’s voice, “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point,”

    I stifled a gasp of laughter as the voice stoped, seemingly offended.

    “Ya know, you might have an idea there.” the voice went on, “‘Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies. Just hurry, you have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun! Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”

    Every one in the room froze.

    ” uhhhhhhh,” my voice wavered uncertainty and my mind tried to grasp what my ears had just heard. Liorah yanked of her boot and chucked it at the door. The boot bounced of the door.

    Bang

    The object in Dancrow’s hand made an exploding noise and a silvery pebble started shooting of the walls crazily.

    “GET DOWN!” Dancrow cried, dragging Liorah to the ground. After a moment the thing stoped bouncing and Gavril pocketed it. There was a pause,

    “That was actually a pretty good idea,” Liorah said, picking up her boot,  “I was about to try with my sling. I’m not going to be bossed around by a big block of bricks!”

    Another pause, “I’ll do it,” Gavril announced.

    I groaned as it finally settled over me. Half of us would die. Only five would make it out alive. I kicked the wall in anger, trying not to think about it. But this time I couldn’t put it off. I had to face it and deal with it and inwardly, she already knew the answer. She couldn’t stand by and watch Riure or Ehud die so the answer was simple.

    “I’ll do it to.” She said.

     

    I AM afraid. I'm glad that I am. That tells me I need to be brave. ~W.M.

    #125223
    Rusted Knight
    @rusted-knight

    Klein followed the group into a chamber. It is a round dome, possibly stone strangely enough. A door was on the far side, lite by an unseen light. Then the doors slammed shut.

    “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”

    “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point.” said a woman, clearly iritated.

    “Ya know, you might have an idea there.” The being’s tone altered. “‘Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies. Just hurry, you have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun! Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”

    Klein was stumped. This was odder than odd. None of the warp ships had structures like this in them. It didn’t look man made. But the being sounded electronic.

    There was a gunshot. In a second, the armored panel snapped shut over Klein’s visor glass. The images changed to a ghostly green.

    “Get down!”

    The bullet pinged as it ricocheted off the walls. With a final ring, the room was quite. Striding across the room, Klein looked at the door. The lock was old fashioned but the door was steel. Blasting it with the shotgun was out of the question. Placing his hand on the lock, Klein extended his wrist camera. The other side of the door was completely dark even with the camera lights on.

    Dissatisfied with the results, Klein withdrew the camera. Something was trying very hard to enforce its rules. And he was just as prepared to break them. Looking at the the doors again, he saw it swung outward. No hedges for him to bust. Sliding his foot on the floor, Klein tested it. Not too hard or too soft. Lifting his leg, he stomped, cracking the floor. Anchored well enough, Klein pushed hard against the door. It creaked and  gave a little but remained closed. Stepping away, Klein slammed his side against it with the same results.

    Annoyed, Klein turned around. Two had volunteered to die. Or was it? The being had not said how they would die. They might be separated for others to kill or try to kill. The being had not said anything about dropping their weapons. And Klein was special forces. He didn’t need a weapon to kill.

    “I’ll go. It’ll take more than a drop to kill me.”

    The Devil saw me with my head down and got excited. Then I said Amen

    #125224
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    @rose-colored-fancy

    Thank y’all so much! I got the basic idea from… somewhere? I don’t remember, but I read the basic idea somewhere and expanded on it. I think it may be a lot of fun. *Evil chuckle*

    Totally! I think I need to actually go through all my characters with that question: would you give your life for a bunch of strangers?

     LOL! I’m usually the person who points out stuff like that, annoying everyone around me. XD The one exception is those tense scenes where they’re slowly making a money transfer for some shady reason and the bar is s-l-o-w-l-y filling up. That annoys my dad XD “Why is it just ticking over so slowly? Do they think there’s a little dwarf that’s flicking the coins from one account to the other?” Apparently, money transfers are pretty instantaneous XD Also, when in movies they hack into a government file within seconds. In the middle of nowhere. With no internet. Those annoy me too XD

    YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!!!! “Little dwarf!!” XD And yes; when they hack into things way too easily, LOL or when the good guys are always beating the bad guys so easily, argggg!! Have you ever seen the movie Zootopia? It’s not an amazing movie, but there was this one scene . . . so, I can’t drive yet (the extent of my knowledge is pulling the car in and out of the driveway or going down the street), but ya know when you have to go get a new licence? Well . . . Apparently, the folks getting it for you move extremely slow. So, in this movie, all the characters are animals. And during this scene, the folks at the license place are sloths. IT IS HYSTERICAL! I can’t explain it well enough; just look up “sloth scene zootopia.”

    It’s so awesome that you play the guitar! It’s such a cool instrument!

    Thank you! I never knew that much about it before, but now that I’m seeing technique and stuff, I have a whole lot more respect for the professionals.

    That was such an awesome description!

    Thank you!!

     I LOVE how he just naturally assumes the castle is attacking him personally XD It suits his personality so well!

    LOL! Thank you!! I think I’m getting a tighter grasp on his character; I’m at least hoping.

    If I saved my life by letting others give theirs, I wouldn’t be worthy of being a king.

    You said it all. Period.

    Also, Liorah: I love her attitude! “Big block of bricks,” specifically. XD That’s the best.


    @joelle-stone

    Ooo, Bible verses is a good one!!! And I just randomly inserted myself in a conversation, XD

    "Whatever man loves dominates them. I loved wrong, for I loved myself. You don't know how sorry I am."

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