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Fantasy Writers

Character Castle 2.0

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  • #125227
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @wingiby-iggiby,

    Haha, I “randomly insert myself” into conversations SO OFTEN. XD Sometimes I wonder if it gets annoying to have someone hovering over your shoulder waiting for a chance to talkatively take the stage. 😛

    Do you have anything like that (verses, songs, etc) for your characters? 😀

    "Lacho calad! Drego morn!"

    #125228
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    “I don’t want to slow you down. If you just talk me through it, Sadiq can guide me.” Riure said shrugging out of his grasp. Ehud was very uneasy about this; apparently most people didn’t have an innate monkey-agility like him and were uncomfortable with heights and watching someone climb this high up was more nerve racking than doing it himself.
    “Wha, ok. Just a little that–don’t step there! Uh, heheh…” He hovered over her awkwardly, he’d never forgive himself if she fell, half of him wanted to cover his eyes. Then a radio blared up and Riure staggered back on his foot and he tripped with a yelp grabbing the first body-part he could (her arm) with one hand and the rails with the other.
    “What, is, that?”
    “Hey it’s a radio! Maybe I can rewire it to call Eno–” All the lights went pitch black, Ehud squeezed the rails until his knuckles hurt and then some. He couldn’t see where everyone was he could be alone and not even know it!!! Ehud did not let go of Riure’s arm for anything.
    “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” Reverberated a voice across everything like air raid siren. Just a couple minutes ago Ehud had joked about that! Lord Castle does not take a joke! This was all his fault!!! “and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”
    “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point,” Liorah interrupted
    “Ya know,–”
    “Rosy!” Ehud yelped “RosyRosyRosy!”
    “I’m her–” Ehud jumped at the voice right behind him as she pulled him back by his shoulders reassuringly.
    “’Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies.” Rosario’s grip clenched around Ehud with more emotion than her face would’ve shown even in the light. “Just hurry, you have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun!”
    “He can’t just–!” Ehud cried, hot tears welling up. Rosario interrupted him by yanking him closer.
    “Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”
    There was a conk like a boot clapped against the wall, then a bang!
    “Get down!”
    “Chale! Get a grip!” Rosario snapped “Before anyone thinks of picking a number to die the castle has no incentive to keep its word. If I thought for a second it did I’d kill half of you myself.” For once being a high-functioning sociopath gave her words conviction because everyone would believe she’d do that. Ehud whimpered in her shoulder.
    “You, metal man! How many people can climb on you and still be light enough to fly down?” Even as she said it she knew it was a ridiculous plan staring at the chasm below them, but if the rest of them panicked they’d all die. She’d been a hostage negotiator before, she’d already tallied their chances. They were going to die. Unless…
    “How heavy is your weaponry,” she asked the metal man “enough to blow a hole in the wall?”

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

    #125229
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    “What, is, that?” Riure gasped.

    “It works, it works!” someone – male, sounded kind of like Dancrow – shouted at the top of his lungs. “Ecray Was!! YES!” Slowly the music faded.

    Ehud took a few steps away, then his hand found Riure’s and he pulled her up the last few steps. She exhaled, forcing her tension out. At least that was over. No more imagined spikes awaiting her? The smile, the smile, the smile.

    Riure wondered where Master Ziess was, and if he was still keeping an eye on her. Sometimes it was nice, knowing someone was protecting you. Other times you wanted to try stuff on your own without having someone cautioning you or holding you back. Right now, with all the craziness she couldn’t see and the gazillion things she knew she was missing due to her blindness, she was infinitely glad for the care of Ehud, Rosario, Prince Gavril, Master Ziess, Konyar, and pretty much everyone else.

    “Hey it’s a radio!” Ehud exclaimed. In that instant, Riure’s stomach did a sudden flip as the last pair of footfalls entered the room. Something was wrong, was about to happen, it was a trap- “Maybe I can rewire it to call Eno–”

    SLAM

    With a shriek Riure pressed herself against the wall her hand had found. Her ears rang. Sadiq trembled against her knees. What in VaSerBo…

    “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” a voice intoned, sounding so unreal Riure decided then and there that her imagination had finally conquered her sanity. It echoed in the room, seeming to vibrate from the walls. Her hand tickled as she felt it. Dropping to the floor, she put her head on her knees and held her hands over her sensitive ears. The voice continued, “and those who have intruded upon mine final days of rest shall feel the crushing of my wrath until they are reduced to mere piles of bleached bones, like all who have–”

    “You know, that’s really dramatic and all, but we don’t have all day. Summarize the death threats and get to the point.” Princess Liorah, definitely. She was the only one snarky enough to say something like that.

    “Rosy! RosyRosyRosy!” Ehud yelped, right beside Riure. Sadiq barked once, loudly.

    “I’m her-” Rosario began, but was cut off by the odd voice, which had completely changed its tone.

    “Kay, here’s the thing: Only half of y’all are getting out of this room alive. I’ll leave it up to y’all to figure out who dies.”

    Riure shuddered. Just like that? Five of them? Poof, gone? It’s a nightmare, she told herself. Sweat began to soak her clothing as she began to tremble. It was too much for her… she just wanted life to make sense again! It’s just a nightmare, Ry. Get out! “Just hurry,” the voice continued. “You have one hour before the staircase loosens and y’all plummet into the chasm. Ya won’t survive the drop, so I’d pick out half as quick as you can. As soon as you give me a list of names of them who die, the others can leave. Have fun!”

    Fun? Fun?! 

    “He can’t just–!” Ehud choked out, but was cut off. Multiple gasps stole the air.

    “Oh, and if there’s an uneven number of y’all, half plus one die. Life ain’t fair.”

    I know it isn’t, Riure thought, and as her fingers found their way around Sadiq’s quivering leg, then up onto her soft chest, a strange calm settled over her. Sadiq sat down with a small whine as Riure began to massage her dog’s fur.

    Something thunked, but Riure just bowed her head and tried to think.

    That didn’t go well. There was a loud bang which startled her so bad she whacked her elbow on the wall behind her as she jumped.

    “Get down!” someone yelled, and thuds echoed as people fell to the floor. Riure slithered onto her belly, pulling Sadiq down with her.

    “Down, girl!” she shouted. “Play dead!” Sadiq went limp.

    There was a moment of cracklingly tense silence as everyone waited for the loud zinging noises to cease. When they did, Riure breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully that hadn’t been one of Lord Castle’s tricks. If so, she’d have a heart-attack and die before one of its traps got to her.

    If she didn’t die right now.

    “That was actually a pretty good idea,” Princess Liorah said. Shoes scraped on stone as people stood. “I was about to try with my sling. I’m not going to be bossed around by a big block of bricks!”

    There was another pause as people sank into their own thoughts. Riure wearily pushed herself to her feet. Sadiq stood with her.

    It was Prince Gavril who spoke first. “I’ll do it.”

    A female groaned, and someone kicked the wall. Then Gwendolyn spoke, her voice hard and determined. “I’ll do it too.”

    No!! Riure mentally screamed. Are you prepared yet? Do you face death with courage or with expectation? The prince said that he prayed. That’s a good start. What of you?

    Someone was banging on the walls or something, trying to get out. Riure felt as if the rock were smothering her. How big was this place, anyway? Was it going to shrink and leave them in a space no bigger than a coffin, left alone to die, never to feel the wind or hear the sweet birdsong again?

    Don’t panic.

    “I’ll go. It’ll take more than a drop to kill me.” The new man, the one that had scared her with his noise. Was he Redeemed? Riure couldn’t let anyone, no matter what they said or how powerful they were, stay behind if they weren’t ready for death.

    But I don’t want to die. 

     

    Daddy.

     

    I’m scared.

     

    Riure breathed deeply. Child, a voice whispered, and she laughed. Who cared how she died?  “The smile,” she whispered. “I will do this,” she said, her voice stronger than it had been since this whole thing began. She got to her feet and laughed her defiance. “I fear no death.”

    —————-

    Sorry that Riure took a spot, y’all. I tried to convince her that she was the most likely option to stay alive, but she stubbornly refused to not say anything. You know how it goes. *cries for sweet Riure*

     

    "Lacho calad! Drego morn!"

    #125244
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @wingiby-iggiby

    YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!!!! “Little dwarf!!” XD And yes; when they hack into things way too easily, LOL or when the good guys are always beating the bad guys so easily, argggg!! Have you ever seen the movie Zootopia?

    Thanks, that was an almost literal quote from my dad XD And yes, that scene was beyond hilarious! “What– do– you– call– a– three— humped—- camel?—” LOL!

    LOL! Thank you!! I think I’m getting a tighter grasp on his character; I’m at least hoping.

    I think you are! Dancrow is consistent and quite interesting! He’s in a different story from Kiark and Wylo, right?

    You said it all. Period.

    Also, Liorah: I love her attitude! “Big block of bricks,” specifically. XD That’s the best.

    Thank you so much! Liorah isn’t handling this situation well at all XD Wait until I write her reaction to Gavril volunteering XD *Distant explosion*


    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Oh– my– goodness! I’ll never forgive myself for scaring Ehud! SORRY!! Aww, I feel so bad now! Btw, there’s no way out of the room, it’s completely closed in. I might have been a bit vague about that, sorry 😉


    @joelle-stone

    I feel horribly guilty about torturing poor Riure XD. Oh, dear… I’m just so glad nothing will actually happen.

    Liorah

    “I’ll do it.” My throat closed as I recognized Gavril’s voice. My grip on my boots loosened and they slithered to the ground. A thunderous crack sounded through the room, making it quake around me. Perhaps. It might have been my vision that had tilted. My ears buzzed and I had gone numb.

    “I’ll do it too,” Gwen said, and it sounded as though it had come from far away, barely recognizable.

    “I’ll go, it’ll take more than a drop to kill me,” The metal man said. A large crack slithered in front of his feet, splitting to where my boots lay sprawled next to me. That must have been the sound I’d heard.

    Rosario was talking, snapping out commands with determination, but I saw only her lips moving. I couldn’t hear anything above the ringing in my ears.

    A bright, clear laugh cut through my daze. Riure.

    “I fear no death,” she said, her sweet voice clear and strong.

    I was frozen in time, frozen in place.

    What was going on? What did that mean?

    Somewhere, far away, I realized what it meant.

    Gavril would leave me.

    A long, long time ago, he’d promised he would never leave.

    It had been right after Father’s death. I was reeling from the giant hole carved in my heart, a huge gap nothing could ever fill. The elders had staged a coup. They’d tried to keep Uncle from taking the place as Regent. It had come horribly, terrifyingly close to a civil war, which would split our tribe beyond recovery. One of the noble’s sons had cruelly told me they were going to kill all of us, the entire royal family.

    I’d only been eight at the time, and I’d been terrified. I remembered running to Mother, begging her to tell me it wasn’t true. She’d been in the middle of a conference with Uncle, and she’d brushed me off rather sharply. I remembered her exact words.

    “Shoo, I don’t have time for you. Go play with your dolls or something.”

    Perhaps she hadn’t meant it harshly, but it had cut me deeper than she’d thought. I’d gone quiet and left, feeling the eyes of everyone burning on me. For the first time since the war, I’d been sure I was going to die.

    I’d hidden in the tent, huddling in a corner and praying that everything would go back to normal, and father would come back.

    Gavril had heard me and had somehow convinced me to tell him what had happened. He told me the nobles and elders were just worried and scared, and they wouldn’t actually do anything.

    “But Uncle and Mother don’t care, and you’ll grow up and I’ll be all alone,” I’d wailed in eight-year-old logic. One disaster had occurred, so everything else was sure to follow.

    “I won’t leave. I’ll never leave you,” Gavril said, pulling me into a hug.

    As time passed and everything smoothed out, I’d never forgotten the occurrence. The sting of Mother pushing me away when I needed her most and the safety and comfort of Gavril had seared themselves into my memory. Something had shifted that day, something that couldn’t move back. I’d grown up that day.

    And now he was leaving me. He was breaking his promise.

    “No, you can’t. Don’t– Gavril… don’t…” I said, my words broken and disjointed. I had no idea what language I’d said it in, I had no idea whether I’d even said it out loud.

    “I have to do this, Li’ah. It’s what Father would have done,” Gavril said, quietly.

    “And he’s dead! You promised!” My voice exploded from me twice as loudly as I’d intended.

    He pulled me close. My face scratched against the wool of his cloak.

    “I’m not leaving, you know, I’m just going ahead.”

    “I don’t want you to. Don’t leave me alone,” I said, my voice cracking.

    “I need to do this, and you won’t be alone, Mother and Uncle–”

    I shook my head, interrupting him.

    “Let me go instead,” I said, barely thinking about the words as they left. An iron stiffness took hold of me. Dying wasn’t so bad, staying behind was what I feared.

    “No, Li’ah, I can’t. I’ll– I’d be the king soon. This is what I have to do.”

    “Yes, you will be king,” I said, almost angry. “That’s why you have to go home. I’m only a princess, the youngest. The biggest thing I’ll accomplish in my lifetime is to marry some prince for politics. Nobody needs me.” I said, determined. My eyes were burning and my throat ached with suppressed tears. The habit of holding back, seeming strong, was so deeply ingrained in me that I couldn’t let it go, even now.

    “Of course they need you–”

    “No, they don’t. Face it. I have. I’ll go instead.”

    “And what should I tell Mother and Uncle? That I was too scared and that I sacrificed you so I could live? No, never.”

    “You aren’t scared, you offered to go. There’s no shame in backing down now.” I said, trying to convince him.

    “I won’t. Princess Liorah, you don’t have a choice. I won’t let you.” Gavril said, his voice steely now.

    The tears finally burst free, tears of rage and pain intermingled.

    “What do you think I am?” My voice was dangerously quiet. “How dare you decide for me.”

    “No, Li’ah, I’m trying to prote–”

    “Protect me?” I snapped. “I don’t need your protection. Goodness knows I’ve gotten along without it often enough. I can accomplish more in five minutes by going instead of you than if I lived a hundred years.”

    “I can’t live with that. Liorah, I can’t.” Gavril’s voice broke. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him cry.

    My words finally left me and I let out a long, quivering breath. I went numb again. I wouldn’t be able to convince him. He was just as stubborn as I was.

    ____________________

    Oooohhhh… Liorah will never forgive me when she finds out that nothing actually happens.

    I dropped in Liorah’s ‘ghost’, (If y’all know what I mean by that?) and I’d really appreciate constructive criticism on it! Most of her character arc in the first book is realizing that she’s built up a false image of her family and basically learning that she doesn’t have to do everything all by herself. Was the backstory too cheesy? It kind of sounds like it…

     

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #125247
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    Oh, I just remembered a REALLY cool thing I found out! For all you fellow “Mysterious Benedict Society” fans, remember S. Q Peddelian? (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly XD) Rather an odd name, isn’t it?

    Well, the word sesquipedalian (notice the similarity in pronunciation) means ‘a person who overuses long words to appear smart.’

    S. Q had this weird quirk where he used long words and phrases, hopelessly blending them up since he probably had no idea what they actually meant. In other words, S. Q Peddalian was a sesquipedalian and I’m almost certain that’s a play on words. That’s the kind of weird, obscure fact that delights my nerdy heart! Also, he was one of my favorite characters.

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #125249
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    @joelle-stone

    Haha, I “randomly insert myself” into conversations SO OFTEN. XD Sometimes I wonder if it gets annoying to have someone hovering over your shoulder waiting for a chance to talkatively take the stage. 😛

    I never even thought of it in that way, LOL! But yeah, I was sorta waiting for a chance to jump in, XD *awkward pause*

    Do you have anything like that (verses, songs, etc) for your characters? 😀

    Well, I only just started doing it after hearing y’all talk about it, so I have only two songs for Dan, but now every time I listen I’m like, “will this song fit this character? Or that one?” It’s actually really fun! I need to make a list of them . . .


    @rose-colored-fancy

    Thanks, that was an almost literal quote from my dad XD And yes, that scene was beyond hilarious! “What– do– you– call– a– three— humped—- camel?—” LOL!

    I know, right?!?! It’s ridiculous!

    I think you are! Dancrow is consistent and quite interesting! He’s in a different story from Kiark and Wylo, right?

    Aw, thanks! And yeah; he’s from a different story 😉

    Thank you so much! Liorah isn’t handling this situation well at all XD Wait until I write her reaction to Gavril volunteering XD *Distant explosion*

    And her reaction!!!! Liorah is actually really sweet!!! I can really see her struggle and understand it; it is very realistic and she is arguing just as I would, LOL As for her backstory, when I read it, I didn’t think it was cheesy at all! I do have one question though: why does she have a wrong picture of her family? Was it because they all liked Gavril better, or that’s at least what she thought? It may be a bit of a cliche, but the way you pull it off with her relationship to Gavril helps a lot (and the fact that she later realizes she’s wrong)! I don’t know much about how to break cliches, but in the Resources tab on here, they have a whole cliche breaking article that even walks you through the steps! Oh, and, uh, *shuffles feet awkwardly* what is a character ghost?

    Oh, and that fact is so funny!!! I love it when writers insert easter eggs! I don’t remember Peddelian, unfortunately, but now I want to reread the series!

    I light the arrow, pull the bow,
    Shoot that fire right through my soul.

    #125251
    Wingiby Iggiby
    @wingiby-iggiby

    DANCROW CART

    As if it were happening in another world, a dream in my subconsciousness, I felt the arm pull away from me, and I realized I had been squeezing it so hard my knuckles were white. As my mind slowly got over the shock, I noticed that the bullet had come to a rolling stop. Gavril stood up next to me, and I carefully got to my feet.

    Liorah took off her other boot and flung it at the wall with all the force that desperate anger provided, and, to tell the truth, I very much wanted to do so myself. But dignity kept my boots on my feet, even though they were quaking.

    “That was actually a pretty good idea,” she said to me, and in the back of my mind I was grateful that she didn’t mention my jerking her down, of all the trivial things to worry about in the moment. “I was about to try with my sling. I’m not going to be bossed around by a big block of bricks!”

    Good for you gal; keep up the spirit, I thought sadly. But she’ll probably die. I was starting to feel really sick. I leaned against the wall and put my head back, closing my eyes. So I’m going to die. This is it, then.

    I hear the clunk of metal, and look up to see the walking arsenal fiddling with the door. I didn’t even think about trying to defy this evil being that’s controlling us, but I don’t think it would end well — not that any of this will end well, that is. Suddenly, however, the metal man stamps his huge foot and sends a crack riveting across the floor with a sound like snapping trees. I jump in surprise, and he rams his shoulder into the door.

    This has all just gotta be a dream, I fancied desperately as I watched the crack slowly spindle out into tinier cracks. It just has to be. I’ll just wake up and be home, safe in bed. All safe. Not trapped in here with these strangers.

    But no.

    Somehow, I know this is for real. Some sixth sense lets me know. I glance down at my hands and realize they’re clenching my gun as if it’s my only hope.

    And maybe it is.

    Maybe I could just end it all now. I squeeze the revolver tighter and stare at the shimmering reflections on its surface. The cool metal grows warm and slippery with my sweat. I could end it now. 

    But would that leave one extra person? Would that mean that one less of us got to live, because I didn’t decide to die the way this thing planned? Maybe I could offer them the service of my gun. Maybe we could all just end it together and not have to —

    “I’ll do it.” It was Gavril. I turned to look at him, and because the hair gel was starting to lose its stickiness, a lock of chocolate hair fell in front of my chocolate eyes. Usually, I would have slicked it back, but now I just let it hang, staring at it. He’s staying.

    “I’ll do it too,” Gwen said in a sturdy voice. Her eyes were both hard and soft.

    “I’ll go, it’ll take more than a drop to kill me.” Arsenal said with sureness.

    “I fear no death,” the blind girl laughed with a sound like bubbling water.

    And then Liorah cried “and he’s dead! You promised!” Gavril pulled her to him and hugged her, and I felt a tear forming in the corner of my eye. What? I’m sixteen years old. I can’t cry. Not even now. I whip it away and feel embarrassed regret building in my chest. They are willing to die, and I’m not? This brother willing to give his life for his sister, Gwen and that man for strangers, and the blind girl? Of all of us, she should be the one to stay alive.

    Who am I kidding? This is not the me I know. I gave an oath to give my life for my buddies if it came to that. And in the Book, I read that there is no one greater than the one who gives his life for his brother.

    I remember Royal. I remember how we saluted at the door that day as he walked away. I remember how with his eyes he forgave me. Forgave me for fuming at him when he needed me most. And I’ll never get a chance to say with words how sorry I am, to the one person I could let my heart out to. But, if I go now, I will.

    I can feel the other’s strength filling this dark, deadly room. And I know what I have to do. But there is one thing.

    Am I really sure that I’m going to go to Heaven?

    All the bad things I’ve ever done roll through my mind. All the times I got mad at someone for doing something I would have done, all the times I thought only of myself.

    Father, I’m a terrible man. I’m selfish and I’m not worthy of your grace. But you gave grace to those who didn’t deserve it, and I’m one with them. So I ask that you’d take me up to you today. I want to be with you. 

    That’s all I can formulate in my whirling head, but I know He’s heard me, because I feel a great peace rise in my heart. I can die ready. I know what I’m doing now, and I slip my gun back into my holster.

    I hear the curly headed girl rapidly giving instructions, but I don’t think we’re getting out of here. But maybe we will. Anyhow, I’ve made my decision.

    “I’m staying.” I said firmly. And then I repeated it more quietly to myself, just for assurance. “I’m staying.”

     

    I light the arrow, pull the bow,
    Shoot that fire right through my soul.

    #125252
    Jasmine
    @jasmine

    Oh, I just remembered a REALLY cool thing I found out! For all you fellow “Mysterious Benedict Society” fans, remember S. Q Peddelian? (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly XD) Rather an odd name, isn’t it? Well, the word sesquipedalian (notice the similarity in pronunciation) means ‘a person who overuses long words to appear smart.’ S. Q had this weird quirk where he used long words and phrases, hopelessly blending them up since he probably had no idea what they actually meant. In other words, S. Q Peddalian was a sesquipedalian and I’m almost certain that’s a play on words. That’s the kind of weird, obscure fact that delights my nerdy heart! Also, he was one of my favorite characters.

     

    That’s so cool! I’m a fellow mysterious Benedict society fan and I also think is really cool how you caught that. I’m not good at finding those things in books even though I love it when someone else finds them for me. Lol,

     

     

    Gwendolyn

    “Before anyone thinks of picking a number to die the castle has no incentive to keep its word. If I thought for a second it did I’d kill half of you myself.” Rosario snapped, then started drilling Ruby five (Gwendolyn doesn’t know his real name yet) with questions.

    I just stare at my boots. There is no use taking chances, if the castle is serious then it won’t be any of the innocent ones going. I was the one who had caused the most trouble, I was the one who had nearly cost everyone there lives by breaking the mirror. No one else had done anything wrong.

    “I will do this,” Riure said, “I fear no death.”

    My blood froze, “NO.” I said, louder than I intended. I knelt down next to Riure, “You have to stay here Riure,” I say, “you can’t go.”

    I will NEVER let Riure come to harm, she is the youngest, Most vulnerable, and the purest out of everyone in this room. How could I let the blind girl die? I couldn’t. I don’t think anyone could.

    My throat tightens, “you have to stay here,” I say again.

    I will not cry in pain, I will not cry at death’s door, I will not cry in fear, but when I think of losing someone I love, even if I just met them that morning, It takes every ounce of strength to keep my composure.

     

    Sorry that Riure took a spot, y’all. I tried to convince her that she was the most likely option to stay alive, but she stubbornly refused to not say anything. You know how it goes. *cries for sweet Riure*

     

    *hands you a box of tissues* yup, Riure it to brave and caring to let someone die in her place. Fortunately, she’s the sweetest girl in the room and I don’t think any of the other characters would let that happen.

    FYI, I LOVE the way Riure thinks of saving everyone’s souls. That’s probably my favorite thing about her.

    I AM afraid. I'm glad that I am. That tells me I need to be brave. ~W.M.

    #125263
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @wingiby-iggiby

    Your profile picture is AMAZING! Did you draw it?

    but now every time I listen I’m like, “will this song fit this character? Or that one?”

    Ah, yes. Welcome to my world. I can’t listen to music like a normal person anymore XD But, I have gotten attached to songs I don’t even really like because they fit a character SO well.

    And her reaction!!!! Liorah is actually really sweet!!! I can really see her struggle and understand it; it is very realistic and she is arguing just as I would, LOL

    Aww, thank you so much! I was just kind of playing around with it, trying to find something that sounds right. And yes, she’s actually much sweeter than she lets anyone see. She definitely has a soft side, she just hides it well XD You do see it coming through in her reactions with Riure, a bit.

    As for her backstory, when I read it, I didn’t think it was cheesy at all! I do have one question though: why does she have a wrong picture of her family? Was it because they all liked Gavril better, or that’s at least what she thought? It may be a bit of a cliche, but the way you pull it off with her relationship to Gavril helps a lot (and the fact that she later realizes she’s wrong)! I don’t know much about how to break cliches, but in the Resources tab on here, they have a whole cliche breaking article that even walks you through the steps!

    Ooh, I never even thought about it being cliche! I’ll keep it in mind!

    Okay, here’s Liorah’s psychological mess! It’s insanely hard to show her family relationships in the castle since I can only ‘show’ through flashbacks. It’s much clearer in the story 😉

    Basically, her deepest lie she believes is that she should push people away, so she doesn’t get hurt when they eventually leave. I don’t think she’s even conscious that she believes this, it’s a pretty deep lie.

    She also believes that Gavril is better than she is because he’s the crown prince, etc. and that everyone else sees it that way too. (Including their mother and uncle.) Because of that, she both idealizes and competes with him. She feels as though she’s constantly in his shadow, and she tries to get out of it by being sassy, over-confident and trying to shock people with her unprincessly manners. Basically, she believes even a reputation for rudeness and causing trouble is better than just being “Gavril’s sister”.

    To be fair, people do notice Gavril more. He has a more important role and he’s a natural leader. He just attracts attention, naturally. Liorah doesn’t resent him, she just resents other people’s reactions.

    Liorah’s sassy, unprincessly behavior, which she uses to get noticed, also has the nasty side effect of being embarrassing to the royal family as a whole, so Liorah’s mother tries to correct her, which Liorah sees as criticism and conformation that Gavril is better. Also, she’s so horribly stubborn and contrary that it has the exact opposite effect and she’s worse than ever. It’s a vicious cycle that just reaffirms Liorah’s poor opinion of people in general and her family in particular.

    Gavril is blissfully unaware of the entire situation. He has his own worries and doesn’t pick up on Liorah’s insecurity because of her constant bravado. All he sees is that their mother tries to correct Liorah, and she gets stubborn and digs her heels in.

    Okay, I hoped that made some semblance of sense. It was helpful to write it all out since it was a bit tangled in my mind.

    Oh, and, uh, *shuffles feet awkwardly* what is a character ghost?

    Don’t worry about not knowing it! It’s a really obscure writing term that refers to a specific event or series of events that caused a character’s internal lie. It might be traumatic, or just a series of events that shaped their false worldview. A quick example: A character whose arc is about learning generosity might have a lie like this: I can only be happy if I’m wealthy, and I can only be wealthy if I hoard my wealth. This character’s ghost might be a childhood full of poverty.

    Liorah’s ghost is her father’s death, and her mother’s lack of support directly afterward. (This was actually much more extensive than I could fit in the flashback. Her mother didn’t mean to, but the civil struggle and having to help lead the tribe with no prior experience took a lot of time and energy and she didn’t realize that Liorah needed help.)


    @jasmine

    That’s so cool! I’m a fellow mysterious Benedict society fan and I also think is really cool how you caught that. I’m not good at finding those things in books even though I love it when someone else finds them for me. Lol,

    XD I’m usually terrible at them too, though I LOVE when authors add inside jokes that only 1% of readers will ever get. Douglas Adams and “The meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42” comes to mind. That was honestly brilliant. Idk if y’all have ever heard of it?

    Gavril

    Tears stung my eyes but I blinked them back. I couldn’t afford to give in now. Later. Except there wouldn’t be a later.

    “I’m staying,” Dancrow said, his voice clear and firm, then again, as if to himself, “I’m staying.”

    Who had volunteered? I had barely registered anything after I decided to stay, between my own dim thoughts and Liorah’s stubborn refusal to go.

    I’d heard Klein, I was sure of that. And Dancrow, just now. Who else? A feminine voice… Gwen, it had been Gwen. My heart twisted. Why did she have to stay? If I could have died twice, I would have. There had been something else. A laugh.

    Riure.

    I twisted around, keeping an arm around Liorah. She felt limp, as though she was about to faint. Liorah, of all people. Gwen was talking to Riure.

    “You have to go, you can’t stay here. You have to go,”

    (That wasn’t a literal quote, I’m changing it a tiny bit to fit how Gavril thinks the castle will kill them. He’s assuming that those who leave will be fine, while the others stay behind.)

    No. I couldn’t let her stay, any more than Liorah. Out of all of us, she probably deserved this least of all.

    “Riure, please,” I was pleading and didn’t even care anymore. “Please go. You’re so brave but I don’t want you to die.”

    “I’ll stay instead,” Liorah begged.

    I shot her a look,

    “No, we talked about this.”

    She gave me a look full of hurt and indignation.

    Why was she so desperate to stay? I was offering her the chance to live, and I didn’t grudge it. Nobody could accuse her of cowardice, and there would be no glory in staying behind. And even if there had been, it was tricky to enjoy glory when you were dead.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Rose.

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #125267
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @jasmine,

    *hands you a box of tissues* yup, Riure it to brave and caring to let someone die in her place.

    *takes tissue and sobs* This is what our conversation was like:

    Riure: Die? We’re gonna die? I can’t let anyone else do that.

    Me: Woah woah woah, hold it miss. You’re everyone’s favorite, plus the youngest, plus the most protected. There’s no way I’m letting you do that.

    Riure: Sorry, but I think it’s for the best. I don’t know if any of them are Redeemed, and I can’t stand the weight of more unsaved on my shoulders. *smiles and pets Sadiq* I also kind of want to die, anyway. *laughs*

    Me: No. Nonononono. What about me? I’ll die of grief! Absolutely not.

    Riure: *cocks head and raises eyebrows* Greater love.

    Me: …

    Fortunately, she’s the sweetest girl in the room and I don’t think any of the other characters would let that happen.

    Ha, I would so let them do that, but Riure is actually really stubborn. She won’t let anyone else take her place. *facepalm* Why are all my characters so obstinate?!

    FYI, I LOVE the way Riure thinks of saving everyone’s souls. That’s probably my favorite thing about her.

    Aww, thanks! Mine too (and her unquenchable laughing). I actually thought that part of her was going to turn out really cheesy, but once I got her into Lord Castle and started developing her a lot more, it became much more natural. 😀


    @rose-colored-fancy
    ,

    Okay, I hoped that made some semblance of sense. It was helpful to write it all out since it was a bit tangled in my mind.

    Made sense to this eavesdropper! I think it’s really neat that you have all that figured out with Liorah – and that you actually have her parents around or memories of her parents. So many books these days just kill the adults or make the parents the enemies (sometimes for good reasons) that it’s nice she has family around. 🙂

    And about the flashback, I didn’t feel like it was cheesy at all! I don’t have an older brother, but I’ve got to say that Gav would be the type I would pick out if there were older brother vending machines (I’m going on a quest for one once I have my license XD). It was well-written and I related to poor Liorah so well. *sniff*

     

    "Lacho calad! Drego morn!"

    #125302
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    @everyone
    I just wanna think everyone here right now for ripping by beating heart out *sobbing hysterically, swipes tissues from @jasmine* like this moment here:

    But I don’t want to die.    Daddy.   I’m scared.

    That. Moment. *renewed sobbing*

    that scene was beyond hilarious! “What– do– you– call– a– three— humped—- camel?—” LOL!

    PREGNANT!!! Sloth; ha…ha…ha…
    That was hysterical!!! I watched it once with a friend and yes it was awful but that scene was epic! LOL!

    Oh, I just remembered a REALLY cool thing I found out! For all you fellow “Mysterious Benedict Society” fans, remember S. Q Peddelian? (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly XD) Rather an odd name, isn’t it? Well, the word sesquipedalian (notice the similarity in pronunciation) means ‘a person who overuses long words to appear smart.’ S. Q had this weird quirk where he used long words and phrases, hopelessly blending them up since he probably had no idea what they actually meant. In other words, S. Q Peddalian was a sesquipedalian and I’m almost certain that’s a play on words. That’s the kind of weird, obscure fact that delights my nerdy heart! Also, he was one of my favorite characters.

    *gasp* that is so cool! That sounds like something my sister would’ve noticed or my brother!

    Well, I only just started doing it after hearing y’all talk about it, so I have only two songs for Dan, but now every time I listen I’m like, “will this song fit this character? Or that one?” It’s actually really fun! I need to make a list of them . . .

    I don’t even with music anymore I’ll literally look for albums to listen to when I’m writing a particular scene and half the music I listen to it be like; this has great tone and imagery! Or ‘I’m gonna listen to this awful music because it feels so horrific it’s perfect for this scene!!!

    Liorah’s ghost is her father’s death, and her mother’s lack of support directly afterward. (This was actually much more extensive than I could fit in the flashback. Her mother didn’t mean to, but the civil struggle and having to help lead the tribe with no prior experience took a lot of time and energy and she didn’t realize that Liorah needed help.)

    Oh that’s what it is! And I love Liorah’s ghost! It’s so hard to find authentic family tension where it’s a mostly shared amount of fault passed around, not focusing on just one character being the problem. Like @joelle-stone said the parents usually die or are bad guys. I also have a pet peeve where the parents are just too perfect and always know exactly what each kid needs without any misunderstandings or conflicting ideas or friction. I wanna see more good families that are also realistic!

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

    #125328
    Rose
    @rose-colored-fancy

    @joelle-stone

    Made sense to this eavesdropper! I think it’s really neat that you have all that figured out with Liorah – and that you actually have her parents around or memories of her parents. So many books these days just kill the adults or make the parents the enemies (sometimes for good reasons) that it’s nice she has family around.

    Thanks, Joelle! It’s actually really tricky when your characters have parents XD Since their parents obviously don’t like the idea of their kids going off to fight stuff and go on adventures, so it ends up that the characters either run away because they’re in danger, or they disobey their parents, or they get separated from their parents somehow, then it turns out to be more dangerous than expected. All are really hard to manage, honestly. XD

    And about the flashback, I didn’t feel like it was cheesy at all! I don’t have an older brother, but I’ve got to say that Gav would be the type I would pick out if there were older brother vending machines (I’m going on a quest for one once I have my license XD). It was well-written and I related to poor Liorah so well. *sniff*

    Thank you so much! I’m glad you like it! And I totally agree, Gav is awesome!

    Ha, I would so let them do that, but Riure is actually really stubborn. She won’t let anyone else take her place. *facepalm* Why are all my characters so obstinate?!

    Oooh, she hasn’t met Gav yet! He’s much more reasonable than Liorah, but once he decides it’s the right thing to do, there’s basically no convincing him. *Whispers* All Riure needs to do to end the discussion, (if she wants to) is call out the names of everyone who volunteered. The castle will pick up on the list of names and the door will open. After that, none of the characters can reverse it. Don’t tell Gav and Liorah I told you that XD


    @this-is-not-an-alien

    That. Moment. *renewed sobbing*

    *Wipes tears from eyes* Oh, my, that was SO sad! Joelle, you should totally use that in your actual story (If it all possible 😉 ) And that conversation you had with her! *Starts crying again*

    Or ‘I’m gonna listen to this awful music because it feels so horrific it’s perfect for this scene!!!’

    XD That’s hilarious!

    Oh that’s what it is! And I love Liorah’s ghost! It’s so hard to find authentic family tension where it’s a mostly shared amount of fault passed around, not focusing on just one character being the problem.

    Thank you so much! And yeah, I think it’s uncommon because it’s kinda hard to work with, especially if you have an action plot going on around it. And yeah, the issues between Liorah and her family weren’t anyone’s fault, it just sort of… happened.

    I also have a pet peeve where the parents are just too perfect and always know exactly what each kid needs without any misunderstandings or conflicting ideas or friction. I wanna see more good families that are also realistic!

    Ooh, that’s so familiar!! It’s a pain XD

    Also, I’m so sorry if this seems like nagging, but I don’t know if you received my message about drawing Ehud and Rosy. I posted it on Character Art Exchange. It’s totally alright if you’d rather I didn’t draw them, but I’m just afraid the message got lost.

    "Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark." The Tale of Despereaux

    #125336
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @this-is-not-an-alien & @rose-colored-fancy,

    That. Moment. *renewed sobbing*

    *Wipes tears from eyes* Oh, my, that was SO sad! Joelle, you should totally use that in your actual story (If it all possible   ) And that conversation you had with her! *Starts crying again*

    Aw, thx guys!! That was one of those special times when I totally got inside Riure and it all just kinda… came out. But RIURE!!! *sobs*

    Rose: Ha ha, actually, she’s not even in my story yet (soon, very soon). I love her so much I’m starting to think I need a side-book fully from her POV. 😛 Honestly, though, she fits better here in the castle than in VaSerBo at the moment. XD

    *Whispers* All Riure needs to do to end the discussion, (if she wants to) is call out the names of everyone who volunteered. The castle will pick up on the list of names and the door will open. After that, none of the characters can reverse it.

    *nods and whispers* Thanks Rose! She might not-

    Riure: Really? Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind!

    Me: *groan*

    Riure: *laughs*

    Don’t tell Gav and Liorah I told you that XD

    My lips are sealed! Yours too, Riure.

    "Lacho calad! Drego morn!"

    #125338
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    “NO.”  It was Gwen, speaking loudly and with such determination Riure nearly took back her words. Hands grabbed hers. “You have to go, Riure,” she said, quieter this time. “You can’t stay here.” She paused, and an emotional pain settled over Riure’s body. “You have to go.”

    “Riure, please,” Prince Gavril said, and Riure turned her head in his direction. He sounded desperate. “Please go. You’re so brave, but I don’t want you to die.”

    “I’ll stay instead,” the princess offered.

    Prince Gavril replied almost immediately. His voice was stern. “No, we talked about this.”

    With a smile Riure turned back and squeezed Gwen’s hands. “I’m sorry, but I believe it’s best if I stay. I know where my assurance lies, and he won’t fail me. I don’t seek to escape death.”

    “Riure-” the prince began, but Riure cut him off.

    “No, Prince Gavril. I can’t let someone else who doesn’t know or who has rejected the Redeemer to die. I… it’s happened before, and I am still haunted by that.”

    She looked in his direction. “You asked me to pray. I did, and this was my answer.”

    —————————–


    @rose-colored-fancy
    @jasmine

    "Lacho calad! Drego morn!"

    #125341
    Cathy
    @this-is-not-an-alien

    Also, I’m so sorry if this seems like nagging, but I don’t know if you received my message about drawing Ehud and Rosy. I posted it on Character Art Exchange. It’s totally alright if you’d rather I didn’t draw them, but I’m just afraid the message got lost.

    Ack I’m sorry! I thought my post did post this time, but I’d love to see them drawn! It’d be really cool, thanks!

    Don't let the voices in your head drive you insane;only some of them can drive; most are underage

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