Dakota

Beth Darlene replied to the topic Drowning in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

Thanks Sam! It’s one of the only two poems I’ve ever written.

Sam M replied to the topic Drowning in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

Hi, Beth. You did a great job of writing an emotional piece in masterfully concise way. I like you’re writing style and thought it was cool how you ended the poem with a thought-provoking question. Great job!

Sam M replied to the topic I Would Be in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

@jennythefaun

Yeah, I can see now how that would be confusing. Thanks for the feedback! 🙂

Sam M replied to the topic The Party Tree in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

@jennythefaun

Hi, Jenny! I like your vivid writing style and how the first lines of each stanza were parallel to each other. The way you ended it was cool too. I can’t think of any recommendations for improvement. Sorry. 🙂 It looked great to me.

Beth Darlene started the topic Drowning in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

Drowning

In doubt,

In hesitation.

Submerged

In my uncertainties

It’s wrong.

.

Hiding

My face,

All my feelings.

Deception

To cover

My anxiety

.

Fighting

To open,

To unbolt.

Conflicting

Emotions,

I’m confused.

.

Am I a closed door?

No.

But will this door ever open more than a crack?

No.

You think you know me.

Do you?

-Beth Darlene

Beth Darlene replied to the topic A poem – I want to weep in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

Nice poem @eitan!!

Gracie replied to the topic The Party Tree in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

That was really good @jennythefaun !!

@anne-of-lothlorien

JennytheFaun replied to the topic I Would Be in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

I don’t know if you’re still looking for feedback on this or not, but just in case you are:

I thought this was really good! The main suggestion I have is that in the very first line, “was and am isn’t” really tripped me up. I understand now what you’re saying, but it took me two or three glances to piece it together.

My favorite line was “I…[Read more]

JennytheFaun started the topic The Party Tree in the forum Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZMIEA7d_LkfwEGUxcdqGM8-R5j_CZ5cJqDDVSxv6Nxs/edit?usp=sharing

I haven’t written much poetry, but this is one I’ve been working with recently. I feel like it still needs some changes, but I’m not sure how to move forward with it. Any critique would be great, especially comments on the doc.

Also, as I think…[Read more]

JennytheFaun joined the group Poets 5 years, 7 months ago

Poets

View group

Mischievous Thwapling replied to the topic Short Story: In a Mother’s Arms in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 7 months ago

@inklingflame

AWWWW!! That was so sweet! The poem at the beginning was a very beautiful and nice touch. The mother/daughter relationship… Awww…

I believe it would be best punctuation wise to cut the comma, replace it with a period, then make the h in He lowercase. Like this: “I’ve got to go,” he said into the phone. (I bolded the c…[Read more]

Inklingflame replied 5 years, 7 months ago

Thanks! I’ve never liked/been good at grammar:) It’s going to be the death of me someday! I definitely need grammar help 😂 I usually don’t get upset when I get critiques, so no worries here. I’d rather you say something then keep it to yourself anyway;)
Mischievous Thwapling replied 5 years, 7 months ago

Same here!!
Yay, I’m so glad! Thank you SO much for letting me read it! It was wonderful.

Mischievous Thwapling joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 7 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group

Inklingflame started the topic Short Story: In a Mother’s Arms in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 7 months ago

@mischievous-thwapling (🤞I Hope this works)

Hey Everybody!
I wrote this story for my Mother’s birthday. I would LOVE and critiques, criticisms, comments, or snide remarks (I know I messed up the alliteration;) you have. 😁 I have a poem introducing (for lack of a better word) my story, because…well why not! 😆 Anyway, here is the story:…[Read more]

Inklingflame joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 7 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group

Sam M replied to the topic The Snare in the forum Poets 5 years, 8 months ago

@lonathecat

Thanks, Lona!