[JennytheFaun]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZMIEA7d_LkfwEGUxcdqGM8-R5j_CZ5cJqDDVSxv6Nxs/edit?usp=sharing

I haven’t written much poetry, but this is one I’ve been working with recently. I feel like it still needs some changes, but I’m not sure how to move forward with it. Any critique would be great, especially comments on the doc.

Also, as I think you’ll find pretty obvious, it was very directly inspired by LoTR. Does anyone know if I’d be able to publish it anyway?

"...by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

[Kimmi]

That was really good @jennythefaun !!

@anne-of-lothlorien

Jominkreesa

'Forth now! And fear no darkness!'

[Sam M]

@jennythefaun

Hi, Jenny! I like your vivid writing style and how the first lines of each stanza were parallel to each other. The way you ended it was cool too. I can’t think of any recommendations for improvement. Sorry. 🙂 It looked great to me.

[MyClipboardIsMyViolin]

@jennythefaun Couldn’t tell the LoTR reference from reading it, and it would be fine anyway. I published a poem that was even more directly inspired by The Handmaid’s Tale a couple years back.

I really like the title, and great concept. My advice is to drop the rhymes. As one of my creative writing professors once said, the best poems don’t rhyme. I think poems should use rhyming sparingly and for effect, and this one uses it too often to the point that I found it obnoxious. The first stanza, in particular, is a standout for sea, flee, and tree right after the other.

The poem could also use a bit more character of the party tree preserver, but I think axing the rhymes will put you on the right path to bringing that person to life.

Sarah, Miss S, Sierepica_Fuzzywalker

[Kylie S. Pierce]

@jennythefaun

That was really good! I enjoyed it a lot, and I say that you have a knack for writing poetry. The fact that it was based on something on LotR helped too. 🙂

"I read that book, and it affected me." ~my sister, about the Warrior Cats.

[Author]

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