Poets

The Party Tree

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  • #121807
    JennytheFaun
    @jennythefaun

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZMIEA7d_LkfwEGUxcdqGM8-R5j_CZ5cJqDDVSxv6Nxs/edit?usp=sharing

    I haven’t written much poetry, but this is one I’ve been working with recently. I feel like it still needs some changes, but I’m not sure how to move forward with it. Any critique would be great, especially comments on the doc.

    Also, as I think you’ll find pretty obvious, it was very directly inspired by LoTR. Does anyone know if I’d be able to publish it anyway?

    "...by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

    #121824
    Kimmi
    @kimlikesart

      That was really good @jennythefaun !!


      @anne-of-lothlorien

      Jominkreesa

      Why is surviving important? Would you not rather die for the truth?

      #121945
      Sam M
      @sam-m

      @jennythefaun

      Hi, Jenny! I like your vivid writing style and how the first lines of each stanza were parallel to each other. The way you ended it was cool too. I can’t think of any recommendations for improvement. Sorry. 🙂 It looked great to me.

      #123881
      MyClipboardIsMyViolin
      @myclipboardismyviolin

      @jennythefaun Couldn’t tell the LoTR reference from reading it, and it would be fine anyway. I published a poem that was even more directly inspired by The Handmaid’s Tale a couple years back.

      I really like the title, and great concept. My advice is to drop the rhymes. As one of my creative writing professors once said, the best poems don’t rhyme. I think poems should use rhyming sparingly and for effect, and this one uses it too often to the point that I found it obnoxious. The first stanza, in particular, is a standout for sea, flee, and tree right after the other.

      The poem could also use a bit more character of the party tree preserver, but I think axing the rhymes will put you on the right path to bringing that person to life.

      Sarah, Miss S, Sierepica_Fuzzywalker

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