@writergirl101

Oh wow, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll be sure to tag you when I post anything else in the future. 🙂

@kristianne-hassman

Glad to help!  I like your style–it was easy to follow.  I’d love to read anything else you post!

@taylorclogston

Thank you for reading it and for your suggestions. You brought up some good points that I will definitely consider. As for the ending, I personally prefer when stories have some sort of closure rather than ending abruptly. I can see what you mean about the angel part not being necessary. I don’t think I’ll take it out completely,…[Read more]

@writergirl101

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and give suggestions! I really appreciate it. I will think about how to rephrase those sentences. 🙂

I agree with Ella about the close repeats and formatting.

All I “know” of operating rooms comes from TV, so please be patient =P First, would anyone bother thinking or saying “ECG machine” instead of just “ECG?” Second, would the MC be required to formally call time of death, or is that just a TV thing?

Why is this the patient who gets to the…[Read more]

Sorry, the quotes didn’t work.

@kristianne-hassman

Wow!  That was amazing!  I only spotted a couple of things that won’t take long to fix.

Kristianne Hassman wrote:
Breathe, I tell myself. In and out. In and out. My heart calms and I lean back, closing my eyes.
Maybe you could use italics to distinguish her thoughts for readability’s sake.  If you decide to do that, then ma…[Read more]

@kristianne-hassman

Wow!  That was amazing!  I only spotted a couple of things that won’t take long to fix.

Maybe you could use italics to distinguish her thoughts for readability’s sake.  If you decide to do that, then maybe you could scan the manuscript and italicize her other thoughts for consistency.

Maybe a synonym here?

Again, re…[Read more]

@kristianne-hassman

Wow!  That was amazing!  There were only a couple of things I noticed.

Maybe you could you italics just to make her thoughts clearer.  I think the readability would be easier.

There are two “help” words in this, so, for readability’s sake, consider using a synonym for one or the other.

I know this leads the reader on…[Read more]

I’ll read and have critique by today or tomorrow.

For future reference I suggest posting a Google Drive or similar link so you can take your story down after you’ve received advice. You don’t have any ability to delete or edit an SE post after a short initial period.

@arindown

The team actually doesn’t have a name yet. 🙁 I’ll have to work on that!

That’s a cool name! Love it! 😆

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer

Basketball, yes! It’s not my very favorite sport, but it’s still a really good one. Both my parents played in college.

What’s Jordan’s team called? My high-school football team is called the Mapleton Moose.😝 Funky kinda fits the school.

@arindown

I’m glad you like them! 🙂

She meets him at school. To tell how she helps him would give away too much of the story! 😉

Yes!! Jordan LOVES basketball and he’s amazing at it!!!!! 🙂

@emberynus-the-dragonslayer

Oh! I like it!

Do you know what they’re personalities are? As in, specifically, from a personality test or something.

I like the dynamics with Crystal’s cheerful outlook. If you don’t mine sharing, how does she meet him, and how does she help him?

Does Jordan do sports? (Just a random question😉 Partly because I love…[Read more]

@arindown

WOW! This took me a really long time! Sorry about that.

Okay I’ll tell you about Jordan Vickery and Crystal Meyers

Jordan Vickery: (usually goes by Vick)  He is 17 rather tall and well built with straight shoulders and strong muscles. He has very dark brown, really curly hair and dark brown eyes. His face has a sardonic, melancholy…[Read more]

@devastate-lasting Thanks! Oh, well I’ll see what I can do…😛

@arindown Awww, thank you!! In all fairness the book’s in the editing stage so I’ve had a while to develop them… which I kind of love doing with all my heart. 😝 And YES, Har is hands-down an ISTP-T. He can definitely be assertive, but yeah, he’s shy. 🙃 Plus, his PTSD contributes to that side of his personality. 😉