Skylarynn

When Alessio pivoted toward the doorway Nithel jumped to his feet.

He grabbed the bag the Son of Aden had been told to pick up, before he disappeared. Shoving dried fruits in as well as the potatoes, he ran his dry tongue over his teeth.

Brendin was following Alessio, and the woman was giving the giant lizard a remark. We are going to destroy…[Read more]

@skylarynn

Aw, that’s too bad! I hope life calms down a bit for you.

@this-is-not-an-alien @hannahrenner

I guess that just leaves me then*gulp*

Dominic inched forward into the room with a black and white checkered floor. His mind spun as he was thinking about everything that had just happened, so quickly. He made his way to the far end of…[Read more]

Here’s the next part for my story

Chapter one

I don’t know how I got here, I just woke up one day. My name is Mercedes Louis Benz. Ya, my parents, wherever they are, named me after a car. That was back on earth where they did have cars. Here travel is unicorns and pegasus’, ya they’re real, and if you’re lucky you could persuade a fairy-y…[Read more]

@skylarynn

I notice you use the same phrase “creasing her brow.” It felt slightly repetitive.

I love your cliff hanger ending, and how you smoothly portray Nadia as a… *thinks of word* kinda someone who looks out for Ada? Am I interrupting that correctly?

Sorry this critique is short–I’m just not finding any “problems” in y’alls wonderful s…[Read more]

@skylarynn

I am loving this more by the second. And wyverns?! *enter flashback of the wyverns I put in my WIP* I love wyverns lol xd

@emma-walker

That. Is. Brilliant. Now I wanna go read the book of Esther.

@joelle-stone @mischievous-thwapling

Ummmm whatever kind you’re willing to do, I guess? Like I said before, I am completely clueless when…[Read more]

@rebekah12 @emma-walker @skylarynn @anyone-else-who-posted-a-story-and-I-accidentatlly-missed it:

To kinda echo what Joelle said earlier: How detailed of a critique do y’all want? Like.. concept? Or more of a grammatical/line-by-line type thingy?

@rebekah12,

First off, that is SO intriguing!! I can totally envision the slick deck and pelting rain. Your descriptions are vibrant and your dialogue realistic. But before I go rattling off, how detailed of a critique would you like?

@skylarynn,

Concerning description and stuff, your revised version was much better!

 Nadia sat relaxed on the…

[Read more]

So, last time I did one of these, I got completely overwhelemed trying to critique everyone’s stories. So this go-round, if y’all are okay with it, I’ll just pick two or three to follow so that I can critique those as well as I can instead of giving you hasty and probably inaccurate ideas. Sorry if that hurts someone’s feelings. :/ I think I’m…[Read more]

@rebekah12 @emma-walker

Nice to have you join us!! (Rebekah, chapter 57??!! *grins at you* W.O.W) I’ll try to critique in a bit (perhaps today or on Tuesday). And @skylarynn, yay, nice! I love how nicely you incorporated the critiques from earlier. *nods* I really like it and the new bit you posted! (As I said, I’ll try to critique later 🙂 )

@skylarynn (love the name btw)

Ooh! Cool! Must track! *sits down quietly in the corner to wait for next chapter, then gets up again and begins to search and see if there is a next one that I simply overlooked*

@emma-walker

Interesting. Very interesting. *adds it to the list of stories that must be tracked*

@joelle-stone

Thanks! Yeah, as you…[Read more]

How are you all doing?

@joelle-stone @skylarynn @this-is-not-an-alien

Nithel wanted to be near Alessio, but there were things he couldn’t give him. And eavesdropping on conversations was not something he wished to do.

Nithel looked away while Alessio and Brendin spoke. Thinking. Considering. Going over the moments before he had stepped through the door of Amit’s shop… and fell through stone. He went over all of…[Read more]

(@skylarynn Ooh, I’m so sorry!! My family recently lost our dog of 14 years as well, so I feel for you. ):)

“Oh, I think we are quite alright,” the woman replied breezily. “You have my thanks for the offer, but I must decline.” Something followed her words, a whisper of thought, but just beyond Malvat’s reach. A slight frown dimpled his face. The…[Read more]

@erynne

Sorry if I’m too blunt, but there is no point restarting this castle if we’re reluctant to play with the characters and refuse to get emotionally invested in this.

Soooooooooooooo.

Challenge time: @this-is-not-an-alien , @skylarynn , @erynne , @rusted-knight

– We each find something we can get emotionally invested in – and we write…[Read more]

@skylarynn

They sound cool!

@skylarynn @this-is-not-an-alien @hannahrenner

Soo… How are we going to start this? Are we going to pick up where we left off? Or are we going to start something new?

@skylarynn,

Works for me!! 😀

@skylarynn,

Erm, only if they get aggressive. Malvat tends to think that a live slave is worth more than a dead foe. 🙂 He also likes to try and make friends before forcing people to work for him. He’s sly though, so tread carefully. 😉

@skylarynn,

First of all, I love the comparisons going on during your description (skittish fawn and gypsy cat are excellent metaphors). Your writing style is friendly and almost Lewis-like in the way that Lewis talked to his readers as he told the story.

I would suggest perhaps varying your sentence structure a bit, though. You have a lot of…[Read more]

@skylarynn,

He think she knows that he can shapeshift. 😉