E.Jo3

lol I’m so happy I liked it too 😛 And you must let be beta read morrrrrre!!!!

Lol all is good then (:
Haha tell Jake I wouldn’t trust him with a plastic water-gun within a ten mile radius. But I am fascinated by his character and really all the characters here I can’t pick a favorite they’re all so interesting!!! I’d probably love to hang ou…[Read more]

@obrian-of-the-surface-world

You’re welcome!

Thank you so much for your feedback! It’s really helpful for me, especially since sci-fi is an unfamiliar genre for the hopeless fantasy nut. 😊

Marian and Jake (at least for now) were in a relationship in the past, but Jake had been hiding his illegal lifestyle from her and when she found out she…[Read more]

@ScoutFinch180

Very good story, Dawn!

It had me engaged with it throughout.
I think I liked Fabian the best.  He had admirable qualities and a consistent action following his beliefs, and that is always refreshing.
Yes, it does count as Sci-Fi.

1. does this even count as sci-fi and how realistic do i need to be to write a sci-fi?  There is no h…[Read more]

@joy-caroline (I just saw you’d joined SE! I am @ScoutFinch180 on KP)

@arindown

Some of the tags didn’t go through 🤔:

@jbstanhope

@rose-colored-fancy

@devestate-lasting

@obrian-of-the-surface-world

@this-is-not-an-alien

Thank you for reading!

The next thing Jake knew was his breath coming in gasps. The blizzard had passed, and the stars in the darkening sky gaped at him.  He sat up, dusting a thin layer of ice off his suit. How long had he been unconscious? The unfamiliar peaks turned vivid red in the fading light, and he brought his knees up to his chest, shivering.

Jake’s vi…[Read more]

A metallic clank crashed Jake into consciousness. He stared at the dark ceiling, where was he? Then he recalled the fight with the thrid, and a shudder went down his spine… had the HSI found him after he failed? What would they do to him now? As he tried to turn his head he froze and cringed, waiting for the pain in his neck to subside. The s…[Read more]

13: what is this short story missing, if anything?

14: can you all think of any other name for a creature than thrid or is thrid fine?

15: Am I showing instead of telling?

16:Do any scenes drag?

Thank you for reading this! (Every time there’s a seperate post there’s a ***  scene break in the original text) this story has also been polished…[Read more]

@erynne

HI Erynne,

Oh, definitely! Yes!  If you are just starting out, in the preliminary drafts, you have to put “Mr. (or Mrs.) Ick” in a box, or lock it in a closet and dump clothes over him/her to muffle the sounds of his/her protest at being kept from being allowed to criticize your writing.  Critiques come later, and only when they have b…[Read more]

Anddd I forgot to tag you again *facepalm*

@obrian-of-the-surface-world

Wow, I’m pretty sure you helped me more than I helped you…oops XD

That is a pretty good one!

You’ve got internal thoughts of the MC. You’ve set up a degree of loss, feelings of failure, disappointment, contrition, and an odd juxtaposition of her mother and sister as spectators in her prospective torture and death.  You’ve introduced tensio…

[Read more]

@erynne

Good evening, Erynne!

Thank you for your response! Delighted to have you join this topic and discussion.  No need to apologize for the delay.

I totally understand. Today was a busy day for me too.  Sorry, I am so late getting back here to your reply. (writing this at night)

You wrote:

That is a pretty good one!

You’ve got int…[Read more]

Hello Brain! Thanks for tagging me! Sorry about the delayed response though, I’ve been busy with work work and work here at home…

Anyway, I am still in the process of plotting out my suspense novel, but I have had this opening line thought out for months. I haven’t told it to anyone so it might be absolutely awful on paper rather than in my…[Read more]