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@ScoutFinch180

Very good story, Dawn!

It had me engaged with it throughout.
I think I liked Fabian the best.  He had admirable qualities and a consistent action following his beliefs, and that is always refreshing.
Yes, it does count as Sci-Fi.

1. does this even count as sci-fi and how realistic do i need to be to write a sci-fi?  There is no hard and fast rule on what level of “science” one must include to qualify as “sci-fi” piece, however, there does need to be a reliance on science/technology enough to make the story unworkable without it.  Your story includes interplanetary travel, weapons tech, survivability tech, and an awareness of scientific classification in identifying species differences.
2. do the characters seem realistic?  Yes, however, Marian is confusing to me.  I don’t understand what attraction, if any, she has for Jake, unless the “attraction” is all in Jake’s mind, or perhaps he is “teasing” and taunting her with her hesitancy to shoot him outright, ascribing it to a desire for a romantic relationship.  With the cynicism Jake has, it is possible he is mistaking her sense of ethical behavior and natural human compassion for being something else with a self-serving angle.
3. any favorites?  Fabian.
4. what do you think of Jake, Marian, and Fabian? Who was your favorite?
(Answered above.)
5. are the themes and message coming out clear?  I think so.  The mercenary mentality and self-seeking suspicion are pitted against genuine familial love and loyalty.  In the end, Jake’s illusions are taken down as he realizes how harmful his own cynical attitude has become, even to the point of blinding him to his brother’s love and true identity.
6. any tips on reducing word count?  Not really.  I think the WC is fine as long as it does not impede the pacing of the story, which it doesn’t.  Sometimes the WC is more of a stylistic thing.  For instance, Hemingway was more of an austere writer and focused more on dialogue than description.  He rarely, if ever, described emotions.  The important thing is to pursue your own naturalistic style.  Find your balance.
7. Is my pacing good?  I think so.  As long as the movement between the scenes follows a regular cadence and tempo, you’re fine.  Think of scenes in terms of rhythmic beats, with a metronome keeping the baseline.
8. What do you think will happen next?  Do you mean at the end of the story?  I hope Fabian survives and that Jake has a chance to repent of his ways, now that the realization is finally catching up to him.  I think there should be consequences to Jake’s stubbornness, but if he is to be show clemency, I would want to see some contrition and realization of that.  Perhaps to see him finally do something for others rather than living completely for himself.
9. Would you like to know? Yes.  Unless the present end is meant to be a “tragedy” and it could stand on ending in Jake’s regret.
10. Are my descriptions coming in clear? Yes.
11. is the plot sound?  I think it works.  Though, I still would like to know what the vial contained and why the HSI wanted it.  And why they wanted Fabian’s body intact…is he “the experiment”?  Did Marian know that Fabian was Jake’s brother?
I would also like to know why Marian and the other team showed up so soon. Did they assume Jake would fail?  Does Jake have a tracker on him?
12. What were your favorite scenes?  I think when Jake wakes up and realizes that the “thrid” is not going to kill him, but it actually helping him.  I think this creates the pivotal conflict in Jake’s mind, that he struggles to understand because it is so different from what he would do.  He is not accustomed to “Mercy”.

13. what is this short story missing, if anything?  A little more character development for Marian, with some background on her motivations.

14. can you all think of any other name for a creature than thrid or is thrid fine?  Thrid is perfect.  It is easy to say, mono-syllabic, and has a simple mystique about it.

15. Am I showing instead of telling? Don’t let this aphorism fool you. In principle it is good, but there are instances where telling is appropriate.  In a short story, once cannot show everything because it will cease being a “short story”.  You have to balance the tempo and pace with the need to show and tell.  Consider what is most important about each scene and ask yourself if that is clearly represented enough to keep the focus on the present action.  Flashbacks can be distracting.  Make sure the story is rooted at the moment, but you can “tell” about some branch actions to keep the attention and engagement from straying.  A better application of “show” vs. “tell” is “show the action you want the reader most connected to” and briefly “tell the reader what information they need to make sense of the present action you are showing”.  Think of “show” as the main food/meal and “tell” as the sprinkled seasoning and balance accordingly.
I think you do a good job in this tale.

16. Do any scenes drag?  I didn’t notice any.  Your pacing seems fine.

Remaining questions:

I do still want to know what Fabian wanted Jake’s help with.  I do not understand why he was ready to release him to leave but then asked for his help.

Unclear sentence:
Jake’s visor glitched to clear, the brightness of the closest star as it sank behind the planet glared into his eyes. He switched on his visor again.

Should the “,” be a period?  How can the visor glitch if the power is off?  Wouldn’t a visor need to have its own redundant power source (say a solar cell) that could not be turned off?  In space, the difference between unfiltered light and shadow can be extreme and blinding with a thermal component that is crippling (From -260 c in the shade to 100 c in the sunlight).  A survival suit should be able to respond in life-threatening seconds, so it should not be something that can easily be disabled.  Since the planet on which this story takes place has a breathable atmosphere those extremes would be mitigated, however, the suit Jake wears should have the capability to respond to the non-atmospheric extra-planetary terrains he visits as a freelance mercenary for hire.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to read your story.