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The next thing Jake knew was his breath coming in gasps. The blizzard had passed, and the stars in the darkening sky gaped at him.  He sat up, dusting a thin layer of ice off his suit. How long had he been unconscious? The unfamiliar peaks turned vivid red in the fading light, and he brought his knees up to his chest, shivering.

Jake’s visor glitched to clear, the brightness of the closest star as it sank behind the planet glared into his eyes. He switched on his visor again. He may as well stop for now; he was an easy target wherever he went… he hugged himself, dying of the cold was his only option besides arrest.

Jake picked up the gun beside him. His fingers shook as he followed its angular contours. It could not have been Fabian, as in his brother, that he had killed. It was a monster trying to influence his emotions – maybe Fabian’s ghost… the kid never had a proper burial.

Though it was an old superstition, a dead person’s soul was not at rest without proper cremation. If not, he could possess animals, appear as a ghost to haunt his loved ones, or transform into an animal if some deranged god took pity on him. Could Fabian have possessed the anthropomorph? But that was superstition. It was impossible. There were no gods.

Then the image of the boy flooded Jake’s mind, his small frame half-incinerated… he shook his head. But still, though he had thought it impossible, could it be true? The monster did have Fabian’s mannerisms, the way he rubbed the back of his neck and how he asked so many questions, even the simple fact that he’d helped the man trying to kill him! Besides, none had seen Fabian’s body after the attack… and who would want to? The bomb hadn’t left much to burn. Except his head. Jake swallowed a lump in his throat and pressed his trembling lips together, “It wasn’t him.” was it possible he’d failed him… again?

Footsteps crunched the snow behind him.

Jake grabbed his gun and struggled to his feet. It was Marian, her albino face highlighted by growing purple shadows. She stepped nearer. Jake pointed his pistol at her. Marian coolly aimed her blaster back at him. The end of Jake’s gun quivered, and he clutched it with both hands. “Go away – or… a-and I won’t kill you yet.”

“Where would you go?” her eyes locked with Jake’s.

“Leave me or do you really find me that attractive?”

Marian squared her shoulders, “I have my duties – and you yours.”

“I’m bound to no one.” Jake smirked, “Not even you.”

“Quite true,” Marian’s pale lips turned into a hard line. “But you’re wrong. Your father asked you to…”

Jake tightened his grip on the gun, “I know…” he began to examine the snow about their feet, “we don’t have to talk about it.”

Marian lowered her blaster and put her hand on his shoulder: “Your little brother could be dying. Jake, don’t you think that it should concern you?”

Jake shrugged off her hand. “Quit tricking me.”

“I’m not trying to trick you.” Marian stepped back, “There are laws…  and…” she glanced to the side, “I… would rather you not break more than you can help.”

Jake bared his teeth in a smile, “You still like me.”

Marian’s head snapped up and she glared icicles at him, “No.” She stepped back, “Quite frankly it’s a wonder I don’t let you die – and others are coming. If you let me arrest you, I won’t have to use force.”

Jake sneered, “You just wish you hadn’t ended what was between us.”

Marian clenched her jaw, “I have no regrets.” Her gaze focused on Jake again as his skin bunched below his eyelids, “Your brother’s afraid… of you, and of what might happen to him. But if you come to him now, you have a chance to”—

Jake paled. “My brother’s dead.” But is it because of me?

“I’m telling the truth, but you don’t want to hear me.” Marian’s eyes hardened like two laser beams, “What d’you want me to say? If you come with me, you’ll be alive for longer than if you stayed here. You’ve broken the one promise you tried to keep… in fact, you may have killed the one person I thought you ever loved.” Marian’s countenance grew firmer as she prepared another blow to the wounds in Jake’s heart: “If your father were still alive, he’d be heartbroken.”

“Stop!” Jake bellowed into the frosty air.

Marian’s eyes locked on Jake as he bowed his head. She sighed and opened her mouth.

“Drop your weapon!”

Jake looked up. A few enforcers trained their blasters on him.

Marian took away his gun before he could react. He smiled bitterly, “Good move.”
<p style=”text-align: center;”>***</p>
When Jake was escorted through the entry bay on Marian’s ship, he saw him. Fabian lay on the floor with some enforcers preparing to move the body… he’s still connected to the equipment that couldn’t save him. Jake trembled as Marian’s grip on his shoulder tightened, he saw Fabian’s closed eyes and began to sweat as they entered the prison bay. That’d been his brother, unmistakably – and now he was dead.

When Jake’s exploration suit was discarded, Marian touched his hand, her thoughts shooting like electricity up his arm: a picture of Fabian as a human flashed through his mind, being replaced by the corpse of the thrid.

Before Jake could see the rest of her message, he pulled his hand away and stepped into a cell – “I get it already! Would it kill you to just leave me alone?”

Marian flicked a switch in the wall and the force-field closed between them.

Jake sat, he swallowed hard, and rested his forehead on his knees – a tremor passed through his body like a wave, and he squeezed his gray-green eyes shut… eyes his mother said were almost his namesake.

Gods, if any of you are even there, why, of all the souls in this sick galaxy, did you let me kill my brother? Jake did not care for any gods as they didn’t appear to care for him, but it seemed like he’d been given a chance for once in his life to truly succeed, and he’d ruined it. Yellow mist began to taint the air, perhaps that failure would’ve happened regardless, especially for a man like him.

Jake looked at his hands, this catastrophe was just as inevitable as the gas would make him sleep – and what was to happen next. His fingers curled into fists; it would be much less of a tragedy – who cares for the death of a criminal? And besides, who would be there to grieve him? His parents – and now Fabian – were dead. His heart began to pound, and the cell felt emptier than ever. They would simply be doing what he was too afraid to… take his life and free him from his endless pursuit of security and happiness. Jake smirked before his expression crumbled, who even believed in happiness anyway? He’d tried to pursue it, but he’d found it to be nothing more than a rip-off.

Jake laid on his side, recalling how similar it was to the position he had been in when he first saw his brother after the attack. He clamped a hand over his mouth and stifled a cry, remembering the boy’s wide eyes and his mouth open in a suffocated scream, the scent of burnt flesh and the agony in his body mirroring what Fabian must’ve felt as… he shook his head, groaning “No.” But as the air became opaque and his vision grew dark, he knew he could never escape. He was the monster that should be killed.

 

The End