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Ahhhh …. A good point @noah-cochran
I actually had a micro-conversation on this a few days ago. Basically, a friend asked me if there are any books with magic systems that are actually scientific in their world. And I responded with, yes, there are many, however, we generally use the term ‘magic’ as to would be what is magic in our world (even if its normal/science) in their world.
I think it ties in with not making things too alien so readers can immerse themselves plausibly in the world/story, able to see the difference in that world (what makes it fantastical compared to ours) but not be pulled out at (too many) unfamiliar terms. That said, there are a few who do this well with their own systems – just I haven’t heard of a universal ‘fantastical ability system’ [name] that would refer to magic in our world, but a set of [natural laws] in their world.
My condolences <3
I had a feeling Isa was older than Faye. Sometimes birth order doesn’t need to be specifically introduced (or at least not all at once). And I wasn’t sure what had been introduced in an earlier scene (if Isa is in the previous scene, then it all makes sense).
So Faye is right in the middle, but sheâs very shy, especially at the start of the book, so I think thatâs why she reads as older. And yes, she does tend to disappear, especially amongst her more extroverted siblings *Cough* Juni *cough* XD
Ah ~ nice. Starting to get that at the end when she goes off to check their cow.
XD
I read Faye – it is wonderful. I love the character introductions; all have their quirks yet they interact nicely.
1. Intriging:
With that, Juni finally sat. Her moment of glory was over.
I loved that her moment was to deliver ‘big news’ as opposed to the news itself.
2. Mood:
[[A warm brown with sparks of colour that nestled in snug & comfortable.]]
3. Characters I’d like to know more about:
All of them? Mostly Faye (what is her role in the family), the twins (they seem an interesting pair, I love the individuality of them so far – I also want to see how close they are (or aren’t)), and Juni (she’s just a ball of fun).
4. Empathy towards:
Faye? I get the feeling she is an older sibling… I am eldest of 5, so yeah, I can relate to bunch of kids coming in all wanting to steal the spotlight.
5. What I’d like more developed:
I quite liked it. But am unsure how Faye relates to all the family members.
6. Dialogue:
I have struggled with multiple characters being introduced at once, and I think you have done wonderfully.
8. Want to read more scenes?
Yes! Loved the characters (as said above), but also the hints of an isolated environment that may not stay that way ??
9. Not belong:
I wasn’t sure who Isa was- I thought she might be Raisa’s nickname at first.
10. Favourite:
Besides, you fixed it last time.
Sage interjected, purely for the sake of aggravating Juni.
Both interactions were very realistic in a family setting, lol. Nostalgia feels to when I was living with my siblings & parents.
11. Any changes:
I want to know where Faye fits in the family (but that may be in other scenes, which probs works fine~)
Was Isa already in the house with Faye?
12. Wouldn’t have noticed if only read it and not listened:
Hearing it is nice, being able to pick up on the emphasis of words better.
Super job đ It’s a nice scene and it was lovely to hear it too!
Thanks @obrian-of-the-surface-world … I’ll have to work on a scene with Magenta then đ
Shibby used to play tag with the bush turkeys. And they would stand around her, looking out, to protect her when she slept. And they’d all sit in a line.
They’re weird, but they played nice.
Chicken is a lovely green colour. She has learned to train Hubby to feed her treats (she loves jam).
Feed treats and I won’t bite.
Awww, Patches.
Thank you đ
My cat’s name is Shibby (husband named her … and the parrot ‘Chicken’). Although we don’t have squirrels, Shibby did command an army of (5?) bush turkeys. At the current house, she dislikes any other animal (esp. cats) coming close though. Does Patches get on well with other animals?
My sister drew my avatar for my Math tutoring business. She draws a lot of my stuff actually (anything digital is probably by her).
Hi @michelle
I write fantasy. My current WIP is a HS teacher (who could be a ‘hero’ but doesn’t want it) teaching a classroom full of (mostly) non-Human students at a Human school. Of course, many problems don’t necessarily relate to their schooling. What do you write?
I’ve had my cat since I got married (nearly 4 years ago) she came with my husband (he has had her for about 18 years now).
(I have no idea how the emoji got so big – it was a surprise when I posted it.)
Thank you đ
âThe cats and their human toysâŠâ Too âpuppetmasterâ creepy?
Looks like my cat with her tent tunnel and my husband. She feigns sleep and he pats her… instead she grabs his hand with her claws, and tries to drag him in with her. He keeps going back to play with her though.
Cat lures husband to play. Attack!
Hi @imwritehere1920 & everyone else here đ
(I’ve only joined the Story Embers forums recently.)
@obrian-of-the-surface-world mentioned this particular forum to me – looks like you’re all having fun playing (being scouted out by?) with the squirrels. There are no squirrels where I am, but I’m pretty sure there’s a possum living in the walls…Here’s a go from me:
1) Bartering souls, in return for legalities.
2) Magic can cast what truth doesn’t.
3) Across the seas, the guilt swam.
4) Fish swam. Cat ate. Human oblivious.
Thank you đ
If it helped inspire you for any writing, that’s awesome!
Thank you! (for both the challenge & the feedback~)
I will definitely add to this story, based on your response (more of Jade’s thoughts & struggles/fears, a little more on the school setting, character styles (could be interesting to see a different ‘sight’ of some of the characters to main story MC),
I’m planning to add this as a side story / back story in my main story, so the undercurrents not listed here will be known by the readers of the main story, but not yet to the characters as they interact with each other for the first time. (So I should put more on her first impressions of Charlise & Willem too.) Yeah, Jade was walking into something (not necessarily to hurt her but she ends up making friends out of it without realising, so I’m not sure how much of this I should show.)
Eh heh ~ the Gangly Boy ~ He does have a name, but I purposely left it out here. He will pop up again in the main story later (about Adventure 6 in the current plan, which is halfway through the school year). I am glad you liked him.
Ooh I liked it đ And I loved all the bits that relate to wind (like Life Breather and Breathed).
Scene Questions
1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?
I loved the clearness of the writing of the moment it portrayed.
2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?
Tendrils of love, longing, fear, excitement, wonder, shock, confusion, nostalgia all swirled together to come into the warmth of receiving acknowledgement/recognition.
I wasn’t sure whether it would be a positive thing for the child to have been able to see the wind at the start, but it flowed really well and left quite the satisfying end.
3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?
I would like to know more about the wind and the child. It feels as if they (the wind character) have now been acknowledged as a being and I’d like to see how this plays out further on. Do they meet the child again? Is the child able to still see them? Does the child remember the encounter later on? Or even recognise the wind as a being later on? It was a really lovely piece and I want it to continue.
4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?
The wind character – the longing for something that digs deep inside.
5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?
a. Setting – Perhaps a bit more, earlier on. But then again, I liked that it was in the background.
6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?
I think it flowed pretty well.
7. Did you learn something in this scene that you wondered about in a previous scene?
8. Did this scene make you want to read more scenes? (Why or why not?)
Yes (see Q3).
9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?
No.
10. What, if anything, would you change about this scene to make it more interesting to you?
I don’t know why the child can see the wind character. Seemed to be the case was at first, but then later ‘normal eyes’ were mentioned, so now I’m unsure if that is the case. I’d like this clarified.
Overall ~ I loved it. And your reading just added to it đ
Hi All,
Here’s my first go at this – it’s a story about a student in my WIP, the year before my WIP. After hearing it read out loud, pretty sure I missed areas I could have expanded.
Moniker: @bclarke
Text: 658 words [3 min 50 sec audio]
Jade was used to changing schools. Although the rumours about her weren’t that vicious or exciting, she was always nervous the rumours would precede her at the next school. Even if they did though, she was pretty sure she’d still be able to make friends. She wasn’t skilled at many things, but she’d always been able to make friends.
Sighing, she arrived at the classroom early and picked a seat before groups could complain. Dropping her bag on the desk, she walked over to the other female present.
“Hi, I’m Jade.” Holding out her hand, she smiled.
“Um, Charlise,” the girl responded, taking her hand. “And this is Will.”
“Hi,” he managed, looking confused.
“I’m new here. Mind showing me around?”
Will just turned to Charlise who smiled back at Jade,
“Us too. How about we all go around and learn together?”
“Ah, sorry!” Jade’s eyes widened, “It’s not often someone other than me is new. And seeing the two of you knew each other already, I just assumed you’d be from here.”
“They ain’t the only people in class y’know.” The only other person in class this early was a gangly boy who walked up to them.
“But I can show all three of you around.”
“Yes please,” Jade perked up. Charlise nodded, smiling, as William tried to hide behind her. They arranged to go around the school during recess. As the gangly boy showed them around he introduced them to nearly everyone they crossed paths with.
At lunch, Jade sat with a group of girls and was told that the gangly boy was a ‘friend of everyone, but lover of none’ amidst giggles. A forever friend-zoned type of guy.
“That won’t last,” was Jade’s response. “He might look gangly now, but give it a few years and he’ll give most guys a run for their money.”
She could say so confidently as it had just happened to her cousin. However, the boy being spoken about was nearby and had no way of knowing this as her overheard her, face flushing.
Although Jade seemed to fit in naturally, it wasn’t quite the case for the other two. Charlise would have been fine, but she had to take care of William. And he didn’t want to talk to anyone other than Charlise. So Jade would take time to sit with Charlise and William. The (for now) gangly boy often joined them, with Jade smiling at him as she thought it was obvious that he had the same thoughts as herself.
As they hung out more and more, Charlise seemed to ‘get’ Jade. Even when Jade didn’t speak, Charlise seemed to always know what was needed.
‘This must be what it feels like to have a best friend,’ thought Jade, before becoming troubled.
“What should I do for her, then?”
The gangly boy overheard her muttered query and after Jade shared what was on her mind, he offered his help. Jade gladly took him in as her collaboration partner and soon found out that Charlise had organised for him and William to interact with each other more and more as school went on. As well as many other things Charlise did to help William overcome his shyness.
Jade turned to the gangly boy, grinning strangely, “I’m sorry. You can’t have Charlise as she needs to be with William.”
“Eh?!”
Jade pat him on the shoulder,
“I know you’ve been keen on Charlise for a while now, helping me so much and all. Don’t worry, you won’t be Forever Friend-zoned for life.” Her grin widened as she moved her face closer to his,
“But I’ve found my true goal in life. I used to not have any goal, but now I do. I will make sure Charlise and William get together and I will be the maid of honour at their wedding.”
She scurried off, newfound determination in her steps, leaving a frozen gangly boy far behind in the friend-zone.
@obrian-of-the-surface-world Cheers!
@writergirl101 – I’ll give this one a shot too đ1) Name: Mia
2) Age: 22
3) Career/Role in Story: Hidden friend/supporter of MC who isn’t given as much credit as she deserves. Or maybe an engineer or some kind of ‘fixing’ job.
4): Personality: Friendly, but can be pushed to fierce.
5) Would you be friends with that character?: If we were ever on the same project together, then probably.
6) Any other details you may have gotten from picture: She looks like she’s thinking about the world – maybe not her place in the world (she knows where she stands), but where everyone else fits.
7) What would this characterâs nickname be? Mii
8) Characterâs greatest strength: Intuitive
9) Characterâs fatal flaw: Thinks too much or not enough.
10) Characterâs favorite color(s): Bright yellow
Cheers @rose-colored-fancy
1)Â Name: Addison, Marilyn, Mary-Anne. Something kind of long but classical, or maybe something short and spunky, like Isa, Leah, or Sara.
You’ve got the M! Her name is Magenta Charles.
2)Â Age: Mid-twenties, I think.
Yes! 24, to be precise.
3)Â Career/role-in-story: I think sheâs either a teacher or an academic of some sort. Maybe an archeologist, geologist, or anthropologist? I think sheâd be into the humanities and sciences.
She is a teacher đ At their school, teachers teach most things for a stage (so yr 11&12) for her. But she does teach the only class set up specifically for the non-human races of the continent.
4)Â Personality: Bubbly, adventurous, optimistic, makes friends easily, sweet but determined. Quite stubborn and doesnât let anyone take advantage of her.
Nice – that’s a pretty good description đ except maybe the making friends easily (she thinks she does, but forgets a few of them as time goes by, so she has a lot of people exasperated with her as well – so both friends and not friends equally, maybe?)
5)Â Would you be friends with this character?: Totally! I feel like sheâd be great to have conversations with!
đ
6)Â Any other details you might have gotten from the picture: Sheâs carrying a notebook, wearing (very cool) work boots, and wearing gloves, so I think her work involves some kind of manual labor and documenting stuff.
She is half-human and half-fairy, which has allowed her the unique ability of magic synaesthesia – she sees the magic that everyone has as colours in a kind of overlay. This, she does document.
7) What would this characterâs nickname be? Why?: No idea XD Iâm terrible at nicknames.
Haha, she has a few … The Red Demon (there was a fire once … at least); Mage (just short for Magenta) …
8)Â Characterâs greatest strength: Confidence and intelligence!
Yes to confidence.
9)Â Characterâs fatal flaw: Sheâs probably very driven and perfectionistic, and she might be critical of herself.
She’s actually not that critical of people (herself included). Specific things, or traits, she will hone in on. Being a teacher, magic of humans (which no one else thinks exists, but she can see it), her younger brother and otome type games are her biggest [obsessions]. Anything relating to those, she jumps on, other things fall to the wayside.
10)Â Phrase that the character is likely to say: âNow, pay attention,â (IDK XD)
Yep, as a teacher to students (some of whom never had any type of schooling or restrictive environment) it’s very likely.
11) Characterâs favorite color(s): I think earth tones, judging from her outfit!
I haven’t actually thought about this – maybe yellow (human’s magic colour), but any light, warm colour (including some earthy tones) probably fit.
