Sylvain Alistair

@o-brian-of-the-surface-world

Ah, I see! Perhaps I can help.

It did sound somewhat wordy. In general, I love words and applaud their use, but without the dramatic reading I had the privilege to hear, I think the reader will be a little swamped by them. For instance:

A burst of white light, strobed out of a column of opalescent fire, burning her…[Read more]

@emily-waldorf

Thank you, Emily!

I think I need to chop up some of the lengthy sentences.  Some authors know intuitively where to break them up into fragments that mimic speech, but my mind keeps clawing back to grammar rules.
I noticed that intense scenes in other novels I read are often written in short punchy and clipped prose.  I do have a s…[Read more]

@rose-colored-fancy

Swedish is good! I’m part Swedish. 🙂 That’s pretty! I’d love to meet her, too, so take my vote for what it’s worth, lol–I’m terrible at decisions!

@emily-waldorf

I vote for Ophelia and Athena–or all three! But you must tell me how to pronounce Mejt. I must know, lol!

Awesome! *Takes a note*

As far as I could find, it’s pronounced May-et, though she often goes by May, because in-story it’s a foreign name and everyone ends up calling her May anyway XD

It’s actually a Swedish name which m…[Read more]

@rose-colored-fancy

I vote for Ophelia and Athena–or all three! But you must tell me how to pronounce Mejt. I must know, lol!

(Pia has depressed lots of people it’s okay)

“No.” Kallun said softly, fingering Pia’s cheek. “Betrothed.”

Pia pulled away rom I’m slightly and turn to Julian. “It’s not you. I just… I’m too much like my father than I’d like to admit. But sometimes words will…” She shrugged, “I guess my father’s words always hurt worse than any punishment he ga…[Read more]

@emily-waldorf

I just subscribed! And it’s so refreshing to see Aydin as a bigger person. (that sounded weird, but whatever).

Thank you! I really appreciate it!

Oh, yes, absolutely! This is so different from his pre-arc interactions with Chantara, I was shocked. He used to be much more tolerant toward her, it’s very satisfying to see him get r…[Read more]

(Dunno why I’m getting upset over this scene. It’s like it’s a friend telling me they don’t belong because of me. It’s got me sad XD)

…

(Honestly didn’t think Pia could make me sad but here we are)

“No, don’t leave, Pia.” Eliana said. “I know Julian can be hard to deal with at times, but that doesn’t mean you should leave! I know he has a…[Read more]

@obrian-of-the-surface-world. I think the pacing was good–it certainly was in the dramatic read-through, but then I get bamboozled by the epic music, and lost in the storm of  the words so…I’d have to read it again to see if the piece itself is paced well. I loved your music, btw!

@rusted-knight oh my! How characteristic of Klein, and yet so unexpected. Poor guy…he can’t protect every one in the world. :'(

Klein set up his rifle quietly. He would hold back and remain on overwatch while the others moved forward. When they moved. The others were looking over the prisoners. None of them looked like good characters. Then he saw one chain in an interesting way. The others had the usual shackles. This one was chained at the waist and ankles. As Klein…[Read more]

I haven’t posted one of these in a while so I thought I’d put one more out here, just to see what you all thought of the pacing of this…[Read more]

Pia glared at him for a long moment. She roughly jerked her shoulder from Eliana’s touch. “Maybe I should leave. I don’t fit into this group and will be of no help to aid you.” She gripped her pike hard.

Kallun’s eyes widened. “Pia! That’s not true.”

“let him tease, Pia, we need the smiles.” K’Nika added.

Pia shook her head. “I should go an…[Read more]

@denali-christianson

YOU KILLED YILA?! Is she going to pull a Qatar (I will forever use that term) or is she truly dead? Either way, POOR NIAROK!

@rose-colored-fancy

You were not kidding when you said that we would loathe Chantara. I have only read two pages concerning her, and she’s already made me want to yell at her (I’m not physically…[Read more]

@rose-colored-fancy I just subscribed! And it’s so refreshing to see Aydin as a bigger person. (that sounded weird, but whatever).

@everyone I think after this challenge is over I’m gonna pull Quin and Qatar, and introduce a new character of mine, if that’s okay with everybody?

Julian stopped and turned around. He looked into her eyes and frowned, “you know, you aren’t the only one with a rough past.” He said quietly, but firm, “but sometimes, you just have to stop thinking about yourself and focus on what’s happening right now.”

Ellie let go of Kallun’s arm and placed her hand on Pia’s shoulder.

Julian continued,…[Read more]

Okay time for some d r a m a XD

Aydin

I didn’t want Chantara anywhere near me, but this was the only way to loosen the chains.

I couldn’t quite look at her. I couldn’t forget the last time I’d seen her, and I knew she remembered too. I could tell by the way she hadn’t let go when she felt me flinch.

She knew exactly how much I hated being…[Read more]

Okay I’m gonna post this here too! I’m starting a monthly newsletter that’s going to include… writing stuff, writing updates, and some snippets from my projects!

Here’s the link for anyone…[Read more]

@crazywriter,

Heh, me too!! It’s really nice to have other eyes to catch those. 😛

@joelle-stone

Thanks a ton Joelle! I can’t count how many grammatical errors I face palmed myself over. I really can be airheaded sometimes. XD.