Kristianne

@beth20

Ohh ok. It doesn’t really sound like a first name to me. Is there a reason you have it as his first name?

And yeah, maybe you should write something more about McCain before the third chapter. I don’t think you need a prologue, but you could maybe introduce him in the first chapter (maybe he comes to visit or stops by for something).

@writergirl101

Oh wow, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll be sure to tag you when I post anything else in the future. 🙂

@taylorclogston

Thank you for reading it and for your suggestions. You brought up some good points that I will definitely consider. As for the ending, I personally prefer when stories have some sort of closure rather than ending abruptly. I can see what you mean about the angel part not being necessary. I don’t think I’ll take it out completely,…[Read more]

@writergirl101

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and give suggestions! I really appreciate it. I will think about how to rephrase those sentences. 🙂

@beth20

Here’s my critique:

Just one thing I want to mention: Four POV shifts in one chapter is a little confusing. Maybe you should consider putting only one or two different POVs in a chapter. That would make it less confusing.

Other than that, great job! I’m really intrigued to find out what happens next. 😉

@beth20

Yes, I think that works! It sounds more natural. Good job! 🙂

@beth20

Yay, another chapter! I’ll come back soon and give you some thoughts on it 😉

@beth20

Ah, ok. That makes sense! 🙂

@beth20

Sorry I’m late with this. It’s definitely easier to read. Good job with the edits! I just have a few comments to make:

First, try to show instead of tell. For example, instead of saying that their mom is out looking for a job, show it through the characters’ dialogue and thoughts. Like, you could have one of the kids ask if Mom is home…[Read more]

@kimlikesart

Teagen sounds interesting too! It would be really fun if they interacted 😉

Hi y’all, sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. I’ve been really busy with a lot of different things lately. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep up with this right now, but I’ll definitely be able to come back in a few weeks when I’m a little less busy. 🙂

Oh, and welcome to all the newcomers! It’s so fun to see all the different characters. My…[Read more]

@katja-r

I like the name Adrian as a first name.

And I like the last names Coburn and Jordon.

Thanks so much for taking the time to do this! This will help me with brainstorming some possibilities 😀