Fantasy Writers

Ninjanaria chapter one

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 49 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #110712
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

      Hello again everyone! This is the first chapter to the book I’m writing. Tell me what you think! Also, I have been wondering should I add more of a backstory??

       

      Chapter One: Disappearing Act

      It was late summer and the leaves swished contentedly in the soft breeze. Jered Martin stood outside his house listening to a frog croak in the nearby lake. His family had recently moved to Colorado on account of his father dying, his Mom said it would be better to raise her family in Colorado rather than California (but Jered personally thought it was to get away from all the memories). Looking at the house Jered sighed, It would have been a majestic house in the 1800s he thought. But now it was pretty much a termite nest. To be honest, it was a sad sight, windows were broken, the third story stairs were missing and the basement was flooded. Jered smiled, at least we have a big property he thought. He couldn’t wait to explore their 10 acres in the country, they had lived there almost a week now but everyone had been busy unpacking so he hadn’t had much time to himself. His mom was currently in town applying for a job, he looked at his watch I hope she’ll be home soon I’m starving! he thought. Just then his 11-year-old brother, Tim came crashing out of the house slamming the door as he went “That sister of ours sure is something!” he remarked, Jered smiled to himself “something” hardly did her justice. Spunky, carefree, argumentative, sassy,(the list could go on and on) was more like their 8-year-old sister Ana. “What did she do this time?” Jered asked. Tim, snorted “What does she do any time?!” Jered laughed “She took all my hot wheels out of my bedroom and hid them under her bed” Tim exclaimed “That was because he made fun of my princes shirt” came a indignant voice behind them. Jered turned around and regarded his younger sister with growing amusement “I see” he remarked “You should give them back Ana” “Alright” she mumbled reluctantly and walked inside, Tim following on her heels. As the two walked in, Keren, Jered’s older sister walked out “What was that all about?” she asked, “Nothing important, just a little quarrel” he answered. Keren sat down on the steps next to him letting out a sigh as she did so “Ah it feels so good to finally sit down!” she whispered.
      Jered felt bad for his 16-year-old sister, after their dad died their mom kinda became the man of the family (for Jered was only 14) so that made Keren into kinda their mother figure so she was stuck making dinner and really keeping the house together. Of course, Jered helped whenever he could but being a boy and all he really didn’t understand how to be a mother figure! Jered heard the rumble of an approaching car engine and looked up to see their mom pulling into the driveway. “Thank goodness” he said rising to his feet.

      Jered pushed his chair back from the dinner table, they had just finished a delicious dinner of tamale pie. “How did your job interview go?” Jered asked his mom, “Good I think” she answered, “The man was very pleased that I’ve done this type of work before.”                       “So you think you’ll get the job?” Ana inquired, “Very possibly yes.” Tim let out a whoop and Keren laughed delightedly while Ana clapped her hands joyfully. Their mom had applied for several jobs but none of them would take her, hopefully she’s right he thought. Jered looked around at the happy faces of his family it doesn’t matter what the house is like he thought this is what matters.

      Jered walked upstairs heading for his room, the dishes had been done and now he was ready for his bed. He didn’t even bother to change his clothing, yawning he contentedly dropped onto the soft blankets and fell asleep…

      Two men stood on top of a tower looking down on the landscape below. “Sire?” one man inquired timidly “What is it Ethan?” answered the other man, he was a tall man dressed in a robe of black his shoulder-length hair streaming out behind him in the wind. The shorter man cleared his throat nervously “We have to move the troops out sire” he paused waiting for an outburst but was emboldened when none came. “The ninjas will only get stronger if we wait any longer, all your wizards are lounging about and not paying attention to the need at hand” he finished determinedly. Aclabar (for that is the name of the man he is talking to) whirled around to face him, grabbing his throat he growled menacingly “Don’t you ever disrespect my wizards ever again, they will gather and attack when I am ready” he smiled “Do you understand?” “Yes sire” Ethan chocked out, the grip on Ethan’s throat loosened and he fell to the floor gasping for breath.

      Jered sat up in bed glancing at the clock he realized it was 2:00 in the morning slipping out of bed he changed into his pajamas. Groggily he tried to remember his dream, he felt like it was important but he couldn’t remember.

      The next morning Jered was sharply awakened by shouts of laughter drifting up the stairwell then Ana suddenly appeared heading for his bed. He sat up quickly “Okay okay I’m up” he said. Ana gave a squeal of laughter and pounced on him anyway “It’s already 9:30, mom said I had to wait to wake you up till at least 9:30 I’ve been awake for hours! We’ve been waiting for you” “Get out and let me get dressed” he grumbled
      Five minutes later Jered walked downstairs, Ana came up to him and grabbed his hand pulling him towards the door. He looked questioningly at Keren “What is this all about?” She smiled “We’re going to explore today” that woke him up a little bit “Oh cool, let’s go down to the lake” he suggested. His mom hurried in handing each of them packets of food “For lunch” she explained smiling “Thanks mom” he said taking his packet.                                 “We will be home before dark” Keren called as they tumbled outside.

      Jered glanced behind him making sure Ana wasn’t lagging behind, Tim was running ahead “Hurry up, we’re almost there” he called over his shoulder. Jered slowed down and grabbed Ana’s hand “Come on you can do it” he encouraged. Rounding the last corner Jered realized the “lake” was only a small muddy pond. Tim stopped “Oh” was all he said and sat down on the grass “That pond is so muddy we can’t even swim in it!” Keren said dismayed. They were all hot and had hoped for a refreshing swim. “I don’t know,” Jered said, “but maybe it’s still swimmable”. Tim brightened up a little “Yeah who said it wasn’t swimmable?” he said laughingly and started for the pond. Jered headed down the hillside after him “Wait up I want to see how deep it is first” he called to him but he was already waist-high in the muddy water. Suddenly Tim shouted out and disappeared in its murky depths!

      Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

      #110714
      Claire
      @claire-h

        @beth20

        Ooh, I really like it! Now I want to know what happens next… 😀 I think you had enough backstory. The biggest thing I noticed was a lot of run-on sentences. Maybe keep that in mind, and every time you see a comma, decide if a period would make sense there instead. Other than that I thought it was great! 🙂 Hope that helps!

        a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
        it just blooms.

        #110717
        Beth Darlene
        @beth20

          @Claire

          Okay cool! I will post the second chapter sometime! Thank you for your suggestions, I will try and keep that in mind! Thanks for responding!

          -Beth

          Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

          #110746
          Claire
          @claire-h

            @beth20

            You’re welcome! Can’t wait to read the second chapter. 🙂

            a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
            it just blooms.

            #110787
            Eitan
            @eitan

              Okay, before I comment about the chapter, I have some important things to say:

              1. I struggle with a problem in expressing sensitivity, and I tend to be very… sharp with people. I pray about it a lot and strive to overcome it, and of course I’ll try to not fall in this in that comment, but I can’t promise I will succeed – so I ask your forgiveness if I insult you in any way in the comment.
              2. I don’t always know the right connotations of words, so I may seem more sharp than I want to be. Sorry for that also.
              3. I don’t speak as a ”better” writer in any way, just as your brother in Christ who wants you to be what God wants you to be. Don’t take my words as words of arrogance, or even as words of an ”experienced elder” or something.

               

              Now, with these things at mind… The chapter is not good.

               

              First of all – break paragraphs. In a dialogue, every sentence should have it’s own line. For example:

              ”Cool!”, Rick smiled. ”What’s your favorite ice cream?”

               

              Jame seemed surprised for the question. ”Avocado, of course”.

              Blocks of text are hard to read, and in dialogues, they might confuse the readers. Between scenes you can do a double line depreciation (I think that’s how it is in English…), like this:

              D

               

              S

               

              Second – use punctuation marks. Again, I don’t know how it supposed to be in English, but as far as I know, you need to use them way more. For example, the sentence:

              His mom was currently in town applying for a job, he looked at his watch I hope she’ll be home soon I’m starving! he thought. Just then his 11-year-old brother, Tim came crashing out of the house slamming the door as he went “That sister of ours sure is something!” he remarked, Jered smiled to himself “something” hardly did her justice.

              Should’ve been (I both add punctation marks and break paragraphs):

              His mom was currently in town, applying for a job.

               

              He looked at his watch. I hope she’ll be home soon. I’m starving! (note: If you already use italic type, the reader will understand that it’s the hero’s thoughts. You don’t need to explain it)

               

              Just then his 11-year-old brother, Tim, came crashing out of the house, slamming the door as he went. “That sister of ours sure is something!”, he remarked. Jered smiled to himself. “something” hardly did her justice.

              See the difference?

               

              Third – if Jered don’t remember the dream, don’t show it to the readers. The readers should know only what the POV knows. You can tell us the little Jered do remembers.

               

              Fourth – the scene with Aclabar and Ethan seems… unrealistic. Only Aclabar’s closest generals should have the courage to advice him without him asking – especially if he’s known for his brutality. Simple soldiers don’t even supposed to speak in his presence without him referring to them first. Maybe Ethan is very brave, or dumb, but even then – Aclabar will probably execute him just for the audacity of speaking to the high General without his refer.

               

              Fifth, and most importantly – did you prayed about writing your novel? Are you sure that it’s God’s will for you?

              Maybe you’re sure that God wants you to write your novel now, but I can’t advise any better – seek his answer.

              I was in your place just a few weeks ago, and was sure God wants me to write my novel now – and I then I understood that my novel premise was terrible, and struggled for days with lack of inspiration. Many difficulties, time-spending and tears would’ve been avoided if right from the beginning I would asked God if he really want me to write my novel right now – with my current experience with life, with writing and with him.

              Please, pray over it. It is very likely that God wants you to wait, grow and practice before you start writing your novel. When the time will come, you will know, and God will help you in your mission.

              I recommend you to take the Writing Craft Quiz of SE. It will give you a lot of helpful resources, and help you in understanding your level as a writer. I recommend you also to read a lot about writing, and to subscribe to the newsletter of SE and of Jerry Jenkins – they both helped me a lot. Take time to practice, and don’t jump straight to the deep water.

               

              I’ll pray for you 🙂

              Eitan.

              • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Eitan.
              • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Eitan.
              • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Eitan.
              • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Eitan.

              You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

              #110795
              Claire
              @claire-h

                @eitan

                Wow, that was a very helpful critique! And I think your comments are very good if Beth is planning on publishing her novel. (I hope you don’t mind me jumping into the conversation) 🙂 I’m on Jerry Jenkins’ mailing list as well and I agree, it’s been very beneficial!


                @beth20

                However, if you are just writing this story for fun and to improve your writing skills, I don’t think it’s such a huge decision. I’m not trying to discount what Eitan had to say, I just wanted to mention that if you’re just writing it for fun, the pressure isn’t quite as big. 🙂

                a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
                it just blooms.

                #110799
                Beth Darlene
                @beth20

                  @Eitan

                  First off thank you for responding and for you critique! What you said wasn’t offensive, that’s why I posted it on here! 🙂

                  First of all – break paragraphs. In a dialogue, every sentence should have it’s                  own line.

                  I have noticed that, and have tried to keep that in mind in my later chapters.  🙂

                  Second – use punctuation marks. Again, I don’t know how it supposed to be in             English, but as far as I know, you need to use them way more.

                  I agree, Claire did mention that also. And again, I think I’ve gotten a little better with that. I haven’t gone back and edited my first chapter in awhile. 🙂

                  (note: If you already use italic type, the reader will understand that it’s the hero’s thoughts. You don’t need to explain it)   

                  That is very good advise! I need to think about that while I write, so I stop doing that! Thank you! 🙂

                  If Jered don’t remember the dream, don’t show it to the readers. The readers                 should know only what the POV knows. You can tell us the little Jered do                      remembers.

                  I agree to that, to some extent. Though I can’t really explain why I don’t agree to that all the way. I’ll have to think on that one.

                  Fourth – the scene with Aclabar and Ethan seems… unrealistic. Only                             Aclabar’s closest generals should have the courage to advice him without                       him asking – especially if he’s known for his brutality. Simple soldiers don’t                   even supposed to speak in his presence without him referring to them first.                   Maybe Ethan is very brave, or dumb, but even then – Aclabar will probably                  execute him just for the audacity of speaking to the high General without his                refer.

                  Again good advise! Though Ethan is kinda supposed to be his “right hand man” if you get my meaning. Bc later in the book, Aclabar calls Ethan to him again and they discuss important matters.

                   

                  Fifth, and most importantly – did you prayed about writing your novel? Are you          sure that it’s God’s will for you? Maybe you’re sure that God wants you to write            your novel now, but I can’t advise any better – seek his answer. I was in your             place just a few weeks ago, and was sure God wants me to write my novel now –         and I then I understood that my novel premise was terrible, and struggled for            days with lack of inspiration. Many difficulties, time-spending and tears would’ve        been avoided if right from the beginning I would asked God if he really want me          to write my novel right now – with my current experience with life, with writing       and with him. Please, pray over it. It is very likely that God wants you to wait,               grow and practice before you start writing your novel. When the time will come,           you will know, and God will help you in your mission.

                  Okay, I know what your saying here, but not sure it’s necessary. I don’t think I have to ask God what he thinks about every little think I do. You know? 🙂

                  I recommend you to take the Writing Craft Quiz of SE. It will give you a lot of               helpful resources, and help you in understanding your level as a writer. I                       recommend you also to read a lot about writing, and to subscribe to the                         newsletter of SE and of Jerry Jenkins – they both helped me a lot.

                  Okay! How do you subscribe to Jerry Jenkins and SE? lol

                  Take time to practice, and don’t jump straight to the deep water. I’ll pray for                   you 🙂 Eitan.

                  Thank you! This was helpful!

                  -Beth

                  Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

                  #110800
                  Beth Darlene
                  @beth20

                    @Eitan

                    I don’t know why when I quoted you there’s a bunch of spaces and stuff lol! And why it isn’t blue or whatever.

                    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

                    #110801
                    Beth Darlene
                    @beth20

                      @Claire-h

                      True! I might publish it, but I have to finish it first and stuff haha.

                      Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

                      #110823
                      Eitan
                      @eitan

                        @claire-h

                        (I hope you don’t mind me jumping into the conversation)

                        I will hate you forever and ever for that, how dare you?! 😉

                         


                        @beth20

                        Though Ethan is kinda supposed to be his “right hand man” if you get my meaning.

                        Hmm… It isn’t wise to kill your right hand man, or even to threaten him with death. Aclabar is supposed to be wise, after all…

                        Okay, I know what your saying here, but not sure it’s necessary. I don’t think I have to ask God what he thinks about every little think I do

                        1 Corinthians 10:31:  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

                        When we write, we do it to glorify God and to help other Christians in their walk with Christ. If you write for God, you should pray and ask whether or not he wants you to write your novel now, with your current knowledge and experience.

                        And according to the Bible, we should ask God’s will always. Joshua thought that he have to pray only before battles and wars, but not before ”little things” like an alliance with non-Canaanite nomads – and the result was the alliance with the heathen Gibeonites, which’s lands and cities were supposed to belong to the Israelites.

                        It’s my best advise for you – before writing, check if it’s God’s will. Don’t repeat my mistake.

                        How do you subscribe to Jerry Jenkins and SE? lol

                        Search ”Jerry Jenkins” and enter his website, you should find the way when you’re there.

                        For SE’s writing rank quiz, click on the big logo of SE here in this page, above. It will take you to the main page of the website. There, click on ”take the quiz now!”.

                        • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Eitan.

                        You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

                        #110891
                        Beth Darlene
                        @beth20

                          @Eitan

                          Hmm… It isn’t wise to kill your right hand man, or even to threaten him with death. Aclabar is supposed to be wise, after all…

                          You do have a point there! lol

                          It’s my best advice for you – before writing, check if it’s God’s will. Don’t repeat my mistake.

                          Okay! Thank you, I will!

                          Search ”Jerry Jenkins” and enter his website, you should find the way when you’re there. For SE’s writing rank quiz, click on the big logo of SE here in this page, above. It will take you to the main page of the website. There, click on ”take the quiz now!”.

                          Cool! I’ll have to do that!

                          Again thank you for responding and for your criticisms!

                          -Beth

                          Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

                          #110950
                          Beth Darlene
                          @beth20

                            @Eitan

                            Hey Eitan! I ‘rewrote’ my first chapter. Hoping it’s a little better than before! Tell me what you think about it.

                             

                            Chapter One: Disappearing Act

                            It was late summer and the leaves swished contentedly in the soft breeze. Jered Martin stood outside his house listening to a frog croak in the nearby lake. His family had recently moved to Colorado on account of his father dying. His Mom said it would be better to raise her family in Colorado rather than California (but Jered personally thought it was to get away from all the memories). Looking at the house, Jered sighed,

                            It would have been a majestic house in the 1800s. 

                            But now it was pretty much a termite nest. To be honest, it was a sad sight, windows were broken, the third story stairs were missing and the basement was flooded.

                            Jered smiled, at least we have a big property.

                            He couldn’t wait to explore their 10 acres in the country. They had lived there almost a week now, but everyone had been busy unpacking so he hadn’t had much time to himself. His mom was currently in town applying for a job.

                            He looked at his watch. I hope she’ll be home soon. I’m starving!  

                            Just then, his 11-year-old brother, Tim, came crashing out of the house, slamming the door as he went.

                            “That sister of ours sure is something!” he remarked.

                            Jered smiled to himself, “something” hardly did her justice. Spunky, carefree, argumentative, sassy. The list could go on and on, was more like their 8-year-old sister Ana.

                            “What did she do this time?” Jered asked.

                            Tim snorted, “What does she do any time?!”

                            Jered laughed.

                            “She took all my hot wheels out of my bedroom and hid them under her bed,” Tim exclaimed.

                            “That was because he made fun of my princess shirt,” came an indignant voice behind them.

                            Jered turned around and regarded his younger sister with growing amusement.

                            “I see,” he remarked, “You should give them back Ana.”

                            “Alright,” she mumbled reluctantly, and walked inside. Tim followed on her heels.

                            As the two walked in, Keren, Jered’s older sister, walked out.

                            “What was all that about?” she asked.

                            “Nothing important, just a little quarrel,” he answered.

                            Keren sat down on the steps next to him letting out a sigh as she did so.

                            “Ah, it feels so good to finally sit down!” she whispered.

                            Jered felt bad for his 16-year-old sister. After their dad died their mom kind of became the man of the family (for Jered was only 14.) So that made Keren into kind of their mother figure. Which meant she was stuck making dinner and really keeping the house together. Of course, Jered helped whenever he could, but being a boy and all he really didn’t understand how to be a mother figure! Jered heard the rumble of an approaching car engine and looked up to see their mom pulling into the driveway.

                            “Thank goodness,” he said, rising to his feet.

                             

                            Jered pushed his chair back from the dinner table. They had just finished a delicious dinner of tamale pie.

                            “How did your job interview go?” Jered asked his mom.

                            “Good I think,” she answered, “The man was very pleased that I’ve done this type of work before.”

                            “So you think you’ll get the job?” Ana inquired.

                            “Very possibly yes.”

                            Tim let out a whoop and Keren laughed delightedly while Ana clapped her hands joyfully.

                            Their mom had applied for several jobs but none of them would take her.

                            Hopefully, she’s right. 

                            Jered looked around at the happy faces of his family.

                            It doesn’t matter what the house is like, this is what matters.   

                             

                            Jered walked upstairs heading for his room. The dishes had been done and now he was ready for his bed. He didn’t even bother to change his clothing. Yawning, he contentedly dropped onto the soft blankets and fell asleep…

                             

                            Two men stood on top of a tower looking down on the landscape below. “Sire?” one man inquired apprehensively. He knew his leader was in a bad mood but needed to have this conversation. 

                             “What is it Ethan?” answered the other man. He was a tall man dressed in a robe of black. His shoulder-length hair streaming out behind him in the wind. 

                            The shorter man cleared his throat nervously,

                             “We have to move the troops out sire.”  

                            He paused waiting for an outburst but was emboldened when none came.

                             “The ninjas will only get stronger if we wait any longer.  They are already gathering their forces. All your wizards are lounging about and not paying attention to the need at hand!” he finished determinedly. 

                            Aclabar (for that is the name of the man he is talking to) whirled around to face him. Grabbing his throat he growled menacingly,

                            “Don’t you ever disrespect my wizards ever again, they will gather and attack when I am ready.” 

                            He smiled, “Do you understand?”

                            “Yes sire” Ethan choked out. 

                            The grip on Ethan’s throat loosened and he fell to the floor gasping for breath.  Aclabar turned away, 

                            “I can have another man replace you as general, if that is your wish?” 

                            Ethen’s body stiffened, 

                            “No sir.” 

                            Aclabar smiled “Good.”      

                             

                            Jered sat up in bed, sweat glistening on his temple. He glanced at his clock,

                            2:01 am

                            He groaned, his head hurt.

                            Images of his dream flashed into his mind. But he remembered little.

                             

                            The next morning, Jered was sharply awakened by shouts of laughter drifting up the stairwell. Then Ana suddenly appeared heading for his bed. He sat up quickly.

                            “Okay okay I’m up,” he said.

                            Ana gave a squeal of laughter and pounced on him anyway.                                “It’s already 9:30, mom said I had to wait to wake you up till at least 9:30. I’ve been awake for hours! We’re all waiting for you.”

                            “Get out and let me get dressed” he grumbled.

                            Five minutes later, Jered walked downstairs, Ana came up to him and grabbed his hand pulling him towards the door. He looked questioningly at Keren, “What is this all about?”

                            She smiled, “We’re going to explore today.”

                            That woke him up a little bit,

                            “Oh cool, let’s go down to the lake,” he suggested.

                            His mom hurried in handing each of them packets of food

                            “For lunch,” she explained smiling.

                            “Thanks mom,” he said, taking his packet.

                            “We’ll be home before dark!” Keren called as they tumbled outside.

                             

                            Jered glanced behind him making sure Ana wasn’t lagging behind. Tim was running ahead,

                            “Hurry up, we’re almost there!” he called over his shoulder.

                            Jered slowed down and grabbed Ana’s hand,

                            “Come on, you can do it,” he encouraged.

                            Rounding the last corner, Jered realized the “lake” was only a small muddy pond. Tim stopped,

                            “Oh,” he said disappointed and sat down on the grass.

                            “That pond is so muddy we can’t even swim in it!” Keren said dismayed.

                            They were all hot and had hoped for a refreshing swim.

                            “I don’t know,” Jered said, “but maybe it’s still swimmable”.

                            Tim brightened up a little,

                            “Yeah who said it wasn’t swimmable?”

                            He said laughingly and started for the pond. Jered headed down the hillside after him,

                            “Wait up I want to see how deep it is first!”

                            he called. But Tim was already waist-high in the muddy water.

                            Suddenly Tim shouted out and disappeared into its murky depths!

                            Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉

                            #110973
                            Eitan
                            @eitan

                              @beth20

                              That’s much better. Great job!

                              Have you prayed about your writing?

                              • This reply was modified 5 months ago by Eitan.

                              You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

                              #110982
                              Kristianne Hassman
                              @kristianne-hassman

                                @eitan

                                “1 Corinthians 10:31: So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. When we write, we do it to glorify God and to help other Christians in their walk with Christ. If you write for God, you should pray and ask whether or not he wants you to write your novel now, with your current knowledge and experience. And according to the Bible, we should ask God’s will always. Joshua thought that he have to pray only before battles and wars, but not before ”little things” like an alliance with non-Canaanite nomads – and the result was the alliance with the heathen Gibeonites, which’s lands and cities were supposed to belong to the Israelites. It’s my best advise for you – before writing, check if it’s God’s will. Don’t repeat my mistake.”

                                I hope you don’t mind if I jump in here with a few thoughts. I think I understand what you’re trying to say, but just to clarify, if you like to write and have a burden to minister to people through writing, that’s a pretty good indication that it’s God’s will for you to write. You may not be the best at it and you may (and probably do!) have a lot more to learn, but that’s ok. Just write. Write for God’s glory and to encourage other people. As long as you’re writing, you’re practicing and growing and improving in your writing (as long as you recognize and try to improve your mistakes).

                                So I don’t think it’s as big as a deal as you’re making it out to be (or maybe I misunderstood what you’re trying to say). If you have a story that you feel you really have to write and want to write for God’s glory, you should do it. Maybe it’s not the best storyline and you might need to fix it up a bit for it to work (or scrap it entirely), but you should still write it. Remember, God uses weak and imperfect people to accomplish His purposes.

                                So anyway, I just wanted to bring up a few of those points. I hope I didn’t misunderstand you, and I hope my comment isn’t offensive in anyway. I hope it’s helpful! 😉

                                 

                                #110983
                                Kristianne Hassman
                                @kristianne-hassman

                                  @beth20

                                  A great first chapter! I’m intrigued to learn what happens next!

                                  And it looks much better with the necessary paragraphs and punctuation, so great job with that!

                                Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 49 total)
                                • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
                                Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!

                                Enroll in Our Seven-Day Mindset Challenge Course

                                Enter your email to begin taking the course. We'll send you a link to begin the mindset course along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

                                You've joined the course! Check your email to watch the first video.

                                Plotting Is Hard

                                That’s why we created a worksheet that will help you make sure your story hits all the right plot beats.

                                 

                                Sign up below to learn how to ace story structure.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the plot sheet in one moment...

                                Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

                                Knowing your character's favorite ice cream flavor won't help you write engaging protagonists.

                                 

                                Our questionnaire is different. Use it to discover your character's core fears, longings, hopes, and needs.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the character questionnaire in one moment...

                                Discover What Readers Secretly Want

                                We asked 300+ readers what elements rivet them to a story and which turn them off.

                                 

                                Enter your email to get the scoop!

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

                                 You can download the entire Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers series in e-book form for free!

                                 Learn how to wisely handle subjects like violence, language, and sex as a writer.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Worldbuild Smarter, Not Harder

                                 Some worldbuilding questionnaires force you to answer as many questions as possible about your world.

                                 

                                Ours doesn’t. Answer targeted questions that reveal what’s actually important about your world.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the worldbuilding questionnaire in one moment...

                                Take Your Style to the Next Level

                                The written word matters to God.

                                 

                                Does it matter to you?

                                 

                                Learn how to develop an eloquent, practical, and personal style by downloading our free e-book.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Every Year, Thousands of Writers Give Up

                                 Don’t be the next.

                                 

                                We understand how exhausting writing can be, so download our free e-book and find inspiration to press on!

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Don't Be That Kind of Christian Writer

                                Want to impact the world for Christ with your writing—without being preachy or cliched?

                                 

                                Learn how to avoid common pitfalls and craft powerful themes by downloading our free worksheet!

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the theme worksheet in one moment...

                                So You've Got Cliches in Your Novel...

                                Thankfully, we’re here to help!

                                 

                                Enter your email below, and we’ll send you a four-step process for ripping cliches out of your novels.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the cliche worksheet in one moment...

                                Sign Up for Updates

                                Enter your email to receive updates on the Authentic Characters Summit, along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

                                You have Successfully Subscribed!

                                Does Christian Fiction Need to Be Clean?

                                Our Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers e-book examines how to depict sensitive topics like violence, language, and sex with realism and wisdom. Sign up to download it for free!

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Poetry Isn't Just for Poets

                                It can also help novelists write better stories!

                                Get our Harnessing the Power of Poetry e-book to learn how techniques used by skilled poets can enrich your storytelling.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

                                You can download the entire Harnessing the Power of Poetry series in e-book form for free!

                                Learn what surprising insights and techniques novelists can glean from poets.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

                                You can download the entire Evoking Reader Empathy series in e-book form for free!

                                Learn how to craft characters readers can actually relate to.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Uncover the Secret to Relatable Characters

                                Learning how to help readers connect with your story's characters doesn't need to be a mystery.

                                Get our Evoking Reader Empathy e-book to discover how successful authors build empathy.

                                Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

                                Pin It on Pinterest