Daeus Lamb

@daeus-lamb do you have a link? 🙂

@daeus-lamb it’s all good now, thanks!!

@daeus-lamb

Um… the form says it’s not accepting any more responses… and… that’s all…

@the-fledgling-artist I agree. Sometimes we have to make hard choices but after all it’s all for His glory.

@daeus-lamb I’m not necessary thinking of idolatry. Though that could be a problem too. I’m more concerned about if we should portray God in a made up world at all. Like Ashira said, to me that would be dangerous ground to walk on. This…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb Aaah I don’t know if I’m too late. I read it through once at the beginning, and once now. There are a few word choice suggestions I made.

Good job on the ending! Overall, I felt it was a really solid piece that got across the idea really well.

@daeus-lamb Awww it’s great. 😀

YES!

@daeus-lamb

@daeus-lamb I loved it! Awesome job! 😀 you’re an incredible writer!

@daeus-lamb

Ah, much better! 😀😀

@daeus-lamb you got this.

*slow grin* I. Likey.

Okay. *cracks knuckles* The big thing that’s standing out to me that we probably need to work on is Anthony. Not Anthony as a person, but Anthony as a story-thread. Most especially, I think we probably need to set him up as suicidal. Introduce that element as early as possible, to give the end maximum impact and also to…[Read more]

@daeus-lamb Muuuch better, and I agree with Kate’s suggestion too. Definitely represents the story well.

@Daeus-lamb ack ack ack, almost perfect. The last part is disjointed. Perhaps if you changed it to ‘The God of Manna has reigned for millennia and he does not take rebellion lightly… but the world needs a savior. And if Mortristan doesn’t find a way of escape, he will too.’

@daeus-lamb This helped me a lot, too! I liked how you simplified the process of beta reading to simply having opinions about what makes a story good. I think it takes a lot of the pressure away 😉 And the tips were good as well. Thanks!

@daeus-lamb

Super helpful post! Thank you! Recently I’ve been experiencing how to deal with beta readers, but I’ve never really known anything about BEING a beta reader. So this was really interesting. 😀

@daeus-lamb perfect.

@daeus-lamb will you be able to shoot for this, or shall I begin it?

@daeus-lamb I feel like you can probably take out the line about his father’s death. It’s a good hook, but it doesn’t carry over emotionally into the rest of the blurb.

It’s possible you may be trying to cover too much ground. You have three emotional threads running in your two paragraphs– his father’s legacy, his fiancee, and the broken…[Read more]