Audio Cinema
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*grins and catches you, pushing you upright* *pats your shoulder* There there, darling Cathy, no need to be bashful over winning a contest… XD
*hug tightly and bounces up and down* But I would’ve been able to if you hadn’t submitted it for me and that showed so much kindness and you’re such a skilled writer!!!
Hey, y’all! I found a scene in my WIP that is the right length and stands well on its own. I’m currently quite busy, but I would like to try to record it sometime soon. Does anyone know a good recording app for Android? Audacity isn’t available, and I couldn’t find anything that could edit audio. I only want to cut out long pauses, mistakes, etc, so nothing fancy.
YES! I can’t wait to hear your accent!!!
Erhm…story? Both really!! XDTo be a light to the world you must shine in the darkness.
@everyone
I put a new Audio Scene out late yesterday evening on Post #136066
Curious to hear your thoughts.(Yes, this is still a “Fantasy” story but it has “real”-world drama & elements, even though this scene and characters are entirely fictitious.)
There are plot-related reasons that some of the characters’ names are unknown at the beginning, but that works out in time within the story.
Just wondering if any of you guys have characters in your WIPs that have to go more than a few chapters without the reader’s knowing the person’s name. It is a tough thing to do. Any ideas on how to believably pull that off, if the characters are occupying the periphery during that time?
Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
I was born in war.
Fighting from my first breath.*thumbs up* I’m kinda pressed for time this weekend, but I’ll try to get feedback to you ASAP. 🙂
No problem!! And no, sadly, the @everyone tag does not work. 🙁 We should petition to get it made or however that works, though!
#1, you are so good at reading, especially when you portray emotion!! Makes me want to take classes from you. 😉
#2, I don’t have the time right now to answer all the scene questions, but I will ASAP. 😉
I’M LATE! AGAIN!!
*stares at “Chapter 005”* *spends several minutes looking for 1-4* *is befuddled* *READ SOMETHING OUT OF ORDER????? READ SOMETHING OUT OF ORDER YOU TORTELLINI I’D RATHER STOP TEACHING MYSELF TO DO AN AERIAL CARTWHEEL WITH NO SAFETY PRECAUTIONS OR WORSE STILL ACTUALLY ACT NORMAL FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!!!!*
*read something out of order, humph, I only ever do that for school! Molecules vibrating with indignation*
–seconds later–*has listened to it*
That…wow…
1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?
The fact that it starts in the middle of the story leaves a lot of the action really in the forefront and makes for a very active scene and keeping the details on a “need to know” basis gives it an energetic pace that kept me interested and still gave a good amount of time and description to connect with the scene.
Another thing is when the girl mentions her father left for “some floozy in Florida”, I had expected a rather medieval, other-world setting and seeing this fantasy story with intensive worldbuilding integrated with a modern setting was very intriguing to me. I’d like to see more of the setting conflict/interaction there.
2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?
It was very bittersweet it has the sense of being a “breather” between two actions; the troll’s attack and her leaving. It enables me to feel for the story and be invested in the adventure. The overall mood would be handling pain, thematically it pinpointed where the girl was in her spiritual journey it’s focal point being the emotional depth of the scene that gave me something that makes me personally invested in the story. It lays out questions about pain and healing and courage that raises the stakes for me the reader.
3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?
I would like to learn a little more about the POV character and how his spiritual journey relates to her’s but that might’ve easily already been covered in a different scene. As far as within the boundaries of a scene the characters were quite aptly explained. I am interested in learning more about Begglar (mostly because he has an interesting name XD) and the POV character because he’s the POV character. The girl herself is unnamed for the narrative. That indicates she either won’t appear later in the narrative or her name is important for a later part of the plot so I don’t know if I’ll learn more about her or if she’ll star only one scene for thematic impact. If she’s important for the later portion of the story I’d recommend describing her physical appears in enough words to give a unique look or personality quirks for a lasting impression of her as much as her emotional impact.
4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?
The girl.
5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?
a. Setting
b. Character thoughts and motivations
c. Character appearance and/or mood expressions
It works perfectly as it is but if anything were to be added maybe more of the POV character’s thoughts and motivations, appearance or mood expressions. If the setting could be used to convey even more of the mood that would work as well but it might just distract so as it is is just fine.
6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?
The dialogue was very authentic
9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?
No, it flowed very smoothlyTo be a light to the world you must shine in the darkness.
You are so funny, Ms. Cathy!
READ SOMETHING OUT OF ORDER YOU TORTELLINI I’D RATHER STOP TEACHING MYSELF TO DO AN AERIAL CARTWHEEL WITH NO SAFETY PRECAUTIONS OR WORSE STILL ACTUALLY ACT NORMAL FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!!!!
So,…Just for You…Rather than my being a “Tortellini” (Ring-shaped pasta), I shall prove the better,…being the “Farfalle” that I truly am 😉… I shall provide you with the next brief scene (#3) in the Prologue that followed the sequence of Scene 2: “A Meeting of Monsters”. [Helpful Pasta Reference Guide: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pasta ]
Book title: Excavatia: From Dust Arise [Book 1]
Moniker: @obrian-of-the-surface-world
Audio Link: Prologue – The Beachhead – (Scene 3): Sea Sighting
Text: (58 Words) [28 seconds audio]She [Noadiah] saw the traveler struggling inside, what appeared to be, the remains of a rowboat, taking on water, being swamped by the surfeiting waves. She scowled, trying to get a better look through the old eyes.
When she finally saw the terrified occupant of the small craft, she smiled broadly.
“A little girl”, she thought to herself, “Perfect.”
—–
So, here’s some of the remaining… (I have currently recorded audio that goes all the way up to Scene 5 of Chapter 8, but here’s a sample of what’s available. Some of these are much longer scenes, that exceed the parameters of this exercise.)
Prologue – The Beachhead
Scene 4 – 08:56 (the lifeboat)
Scene 5 – 04:39 (the Xarmnian scout)Chapter 1 – Out of The Shallows
Scene 1 – 02:22 (the betrayal in the prior quest)
Scene 2 – 07:01 (the memory bridge crossing)
Scene 3 – 09:17 (the return to the Mid-World beach)
Scene 4 – 16:52 (breathe it in)
Scene 5 – 24:37 (watcher in the cave)
Scene 6 – 25:36 (awakening on the beach)
Scene 7 – 29:17 (meeting the wandering child)
Scene 8 – 01:16 (the Xarmnian scouts)
Scene 9 – 02:07 (following the child)
Scene 10 – 05:07 (arrival of others)
Scene 11 – 08:13 (sowing in the seventh)
Scene 12 – 14:21 (memories of the past beginning)
Scene 13 – 18:00 (welcome to the Mid-World)
Scene 14 – 25:51 (going inland)Chapter 2 – “Writing From Prisons”
Scene 1 – 01:05:00 (the beginning marks)
Scene 2 – 18:46 (the old hillside cabin)
Scene 3 – 23:03 (haunted occupant)
Scene 4 – 31:31 (the man under the river)
Scene 5 – 45:35 (the buried beast below)
Scene 6 – 52:41 (parallax at the grotto)
Scene 7 – 01:10:17 (the sound and fury)Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
I was born in war.
Fighting from my first breath.Okay… I have gathered my three (3) molecules of courage and recorded the scene. I also spent way too long editing it because a. I was procrastinating with great enthusiasm and b. Audacity involves a lot of “Ooh, what does this dooo?”-button-pressing and that’s very much my thing.
Anyway, the audio is at least relatively clear, and I cut out all the long pauses because apparently I even stall while reading. It’s still slightly indistinct since apparently I have a naturally indistinct voice and I was using a bad microphone, so y’all are going to have to deal with that. (Good luck XD) I highly recommend reading the text while listening because I pronounce several words rather oddly, I noticed XD
Also, I was very nervous (As I mentioned before, I have the courage of the average chicken nugget) so my reading is fairly flat. I could have done better but this’ll have to be good enough because I’m done with it XD
Now, getting this link in here is going to take a lot of trial and error, so please excuse me while I do that.
Moniker: rose-colored-fancy
Text: 1533 words. [Audio: 9,5 mins]
(Liorah’s POV, for y’all who know her.)
Book 1, Chapter 3, Scene 1
The Kezbes traced faint outlines on the outskirts of the camp, barely distinguishable from the shadows. A flute played a sour note, and a rebab gave a sharp whine as the music clattered to a disorganized halt.
“Li’ah, I need you to hide. Now,” Gavril said, his voice barely above a whisper.
People were shouting, screaming, and reaching for weapons. Flashes of vibrant color pulsed at the edges of my vision, the women’s swirling skirts melting into a chaotic blur.
Gavril shoved me, so hard I stumbled. I spun around, my fists clenching. I wouldn’t let myself be a little girl to be shoved away and protected. Not again.
“I’m not leaving.” I fiercely swallowed the quiver in my voice. I couldn’t afford to be scared.
The ground quaked like my voice, as though the earth trembled in fear. The vibrations rang through my bones, a morbid echo of the sintir.“You can’t help. Go,” Gavril said, without turning around. The light reflected off the sapphires set in the pommel as he drew his shamshir. The decorations didn’t make it any less lethal.
The first Kezbe emerged from the shadows and my breath caught. He seemed to block out the moon. His gray robes snapped in a sudden breeze and goosebumps rippled across my skin.
He raised his yatagan. The short blade curved back, straighter than our shamshirs. It seemed to be a signal. The standoff ended as abruptly as it had begun. The earth shivered as they charged.
Gavril shoved me again. Our eyes met. His determination couldn’t force the fear from his expression.
The old, familiar terror curled around my spine and constricted around my throat, just as it had in the first war. I’d only been six, but the brief flashes of memories were as vivid as if it had happened yesterday. It was an old enemy I’d thought dead.
I elbowed my way through the scattered crowd. Some headed toward the shelter of the tents, others toward the center of the clearing, as far away from the Kezbes as possible.
My skirts twisted around my ankles. I dodged into the shadows between the tents and cowered there, trembling and breathless, like a rabbit startled into a bush. The first cries of pain punctured the air.
My ribs would shatter into a thousand shards. Panic pulsed through me, my heartbeat amplified beyond reason. I let out a shuddering breath. If I let the fear win, I’d die.
A shout echoed through the night. Not from the clearing but from the outskirts of the camp. The Kezbes had surrounded us and were closing in, trapping us in the middle.
A dull thwack struck near my head. I ducked, instinctively, then shot a look toward the noise. A thick gray arrow dangled from the fabric of the tent. I could have reached up and touched it. It had nearly hit my head.
That thought spurred me onward. I skittered further into the maze of tents, climbing through anchoring ropes, expecting a Kezbe around every corner.
I needed to get to our tent. I had weapons there, then I could defend myself. It wasn’t much further.
I tripped over a lumpy shadow. It whimpered. I recoiled, reaching for weapons I didn’t have. I relaxed, recognizing three of the younger children.
The oldest boy, Daveed, stared up at me with a mixture of fear and determination. He was holding the younger girl, Alosia. She couldn’t be more than four, and she was blubbering. Loudly. If anyone passed, they would be sure to see them.
A Kezbe wouldn’t just let them go. They had proved that in the last war. I shook my head, driving out the gruesome memories.
“Shh,” I whispered. “It’s alright, we’re just playing hide and seek.”
My voice cracked and I sounded anything but convincing, but I had to try.
“I’ll show you my favorite places,” I said, “Gavril could never find me there.”
I scooped up Alosia. She was stiff and heavy with fright. I balanced her on my hip and took the hand of the other girl. The responsibility dragged at me as we wove through the narrow, dim passages.
The clash of steel, thud of arrows, and shrieks of pain and fright accompanied us. Alosia buried her head in my shoulder, trying to block out the noise.
A dark mass loomed in front of us, even darker than the shadows around it. I recoiled, pulling Elianan, the older girl, behind me. A flash of light glinted off his chain mail as he stepped forward. It was a Kezbe soldier.
I looked over my shoulder, already planning an escape. It was pointless. They’d never be able to keep up. I let Alosia slip to the ground.
“Run,” I hissed. Daveed grabbed the other two by the hand and their footsteps pattered away, just as the soldier reached for his yatagan.
His eyes darted up to my kolye, then widened in realization. He hadn’t expected to see the princess of the Lehabim here.
He began to draw his weapon, but I stepped forward and grabbed his forearm with my left hand, shoving the yatagan back into the scabbard. He resisted, instinctively. He hadn’t expected me to go on the offensive and that bought me a few moments. He was definitely stronger than I was, I couldn’t hold this standoff for long.
I grabbed the collar of his tunic, drove my heels into the sand, and yanked him forward, throwing my whole weight into the pull. He lost his balance and fell to one knee.
I kicked him backwards as hard as I could, aiming to kick him even further off balance, then spun around and sprinted away.
The children were just around the corner. I lifted Alosia and dragged the two others after me.The footsteps of the Kezbe thudded behind us and I forced them to go even faster.
Finally, I recognized our tent. A narrow sliver of light shone beneath the tent cloth. I’d forgotten to put out the oil lamp, as usual. For once, I was grateful of my carelessness.We didn’t have time to run around to the entrance before the Kezbe saw the light and guessed our destination. I lifted the cloth and pushed Alosia through. The others squirmed after her and I wormed through the gap. It was one of the most undignified positions I’d ever gotten myself into, and that was saying something. Flat on my stomach, trying to get traction on the sand, all the while fearing a Kezbe right behind me. I couldn’t care less.
I finally managed to slip through, just as the footsteps neared. I blew out the light and pulled the children close. I touched my trembling finger to my lips, imploring them not to make a sound.
Alosia clung to my neck, her face buried in my shoulder. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
If the Kezbe heard us, we’d all be dead. Or, more probably, he’d kill the children and take me to their leader, so I’d only wish I was dead. Hakan had to be behind this. Attacking us without provocation when we least expected it was exactly his style, the cursed—
The footsteps halted, right outside the tent. One heartbeat, two. My silent prayer rang with desperation. Please, please, don’t let him find us. Don’t let him hear Alosia crying.
The footsteps faded. I gasped in relief.
“Now for the next part of the game,” I whispered, as cheerfully as I could muster. “You have to hide, and count to a hundred.”
Elianan perked up. Her reddish curls had come undone and fell in front of her face.
“Can I count to two-hundred-and-four instead?”
I blinked, baffled at this odd request, then remembered that small children fell under no rule of logic.
“That’s brilliant, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it,” I said.
Elianan bounced toward the baskets in the back of the tent and hid between the two largest ones. Daveed shot me an uncertain look. He was old enough to know this wasn’t a game, but I gave him a knowing look and pushed him toward Elianan.
Alosia blubbered, too scared to move. One of her black braids had loosened. I stroked it behind her ear and lowered her behind the largest basket, next to Daveed.
Gavril and I had often hidden here, during the first war. We’d try not to hear the sounds outside, and wait for it all to be over. Gavril had always been the brave one, holding me tight and assuring me everything would be fine.
“Now, let’s see who can stay perfectly quiet until I come back,” I said.
I felt around for my belt and slid the cross-straps over my head. They rested on my shoulders, supporting the weight of my shamshir, dagger, and sling projectiles. I buckled on the belt. The weight was comforting.
I had insisted Mother and Uncle Emet let me learn how to sword fight. After some nominal protest, they let me. It didn’t make any difference to them, but I wouldn’t be small and helpless. I wouldn’t sit still while others fought and died for me.
Audio-link: Chapter 3 Scene1
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
Rose,
Your reading was absolutely beautiful! You did an excellent job! I am going to have to listen to this again and again. Great job! [Your accent is musical. It is a pleasant gift. Be proud of it.]
I love the tension in the scene and the defiance and resourcefulness of Liorah’s character. And the weapons,…wow! I am going to need to look those up.
I love the imminent threat and the protection she gives to the children while being afraid herself. I will have to put together my responses to the Scene Question set soon in a separate post, but thank you for getting those molecules to spark and set a fire. Sometimes all it takes is a single flare to bring forth a roaring blaze. Very good job! I am so looking forward to some of the other responses too. You should do another one. Keep the momentum going. 😉
I can learn a lot from your ability to maintain scene tension. Thank you for sharing this with us.
God Bless!Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
I was born in war.
Fighting from my first breath.Thank you so much for all your kind words!
I love the tension in the scene and the defiance and resourcefulness of Liorah’s character. And the weapons,…wow! I am going to need to look those up.
Thank you! I’m glad those parts of her personality showed, I was afraid they’d gotten lost.
The weapons are definitely very cool, though they rather complicate fight scenes XD It was hard to find information on them, but I stumbled upon several videos of shamshir fights, which were fascinating to watch. It really helped me get a feel for it.
I love the imminent threat and the protection she gives to the children while being afraid herself.
Funny story, I was actually planning to cut that out. It was a much briefer scene in the first draft and it kind of hovered in the middle of nowhere. A friend convinced me to keep it in and I’m glad I did. I’m happy it worked out because it shows an entirely different side of her personality.
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
I shall provide you with the next brief scene (#3) in the Prologue that followed the sequence of Scene 2: “A Meeting of Monsters”. [Helpful Pasta Reference Guide: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pasta ]
*bouncing up and down* You will you will?! Yipee!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
So,…Just for You…Rather than my being a “Tortellini” (Ring-shaped pasta), I shall prove the better,…being the “Farfalle” that I truly am …
You, I love you! That is the best response to being called a tortelli I have heard yet!!!
@rose-colored-fancy
Ha you thought if you put the audio at the bottom I’d read it first mwahahaha mortal shall you stop me?! I LOVE YOUR ACCENT!!! It has so much roundness and dimension a pretty red with a black background!b. Audacity involves a lot of “Ooh, what does this dooo?”-button-pressing and that’s very much my thing.
LOL that is sooo *literally every project I have ever undertaken…*
To be a light to the world you must shine in the darkness.
Ha you thought if you put the audio at the bottom I’d read it first mwahahaha mortal shall you stop me?! I LOVE YOUR ACCENT!!! It has so much roundness and dimension a pretty red with a black background!
Thank you so much!<3 LOL, I suppose I expected you to act logically XD
LOL that is sooo *literally every project I have ever undertaken…*
LOL, same XD It’s just too much fun. XD
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
Woahhh you’re accent is so pretty!!! I LOVE it!!!
I’m not sure if I’ll do this or not, but what app did you end up using?
I know this is in fantasy, but does it actually have to be from a fantasy WIP? (and sorry if you’ve already been over this) I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do this (I need permission and accessibility lol) but if I am and I get enough courage to do so (I hate the sound of my voice XD) I might give it a try!
Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you ever know who would love the person you hide.
Woahhh you’re accent is so pretty!!! I LOVE it!!!
I’m not sure if I’ll do this or not, but what app did you end up using?
Aww, thank you so much! Y’all are so sweet!
I used the standard recorder app on my phone, emailed it to myself so I could see it on the computer, converted the .aac file to a .wav via Convertio (Which worked really well!), and uploaded and edited that in Audacity. The whole process was some trial and error, but it wasn’t too hard.
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do this (I need permission and accessibility lol) but if I am and I get enough courage to do so (I hate the sound of my voice XD) I might give it a try!
Lol, I get that, I generally avoid listening to my recorded voice at all costs XD I must admit, I cringed severely while editing, but it’s fine, everyone’s recorded voice sounds weird 🙂 It’s not quite as intimidating as it looks at first.
I really hope you can do it! I’d love to see your piece!
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?
Hi Erynne,
You can do any genre you like. It just has to be one scene.
I landed this here because it seems to be the largest group on the forum.Would love to experience (hear and read) an entry from you. I use Audacity to do the sound editing, but you can record it with any device, just make sure the file type is of a common format like MP3 or .wav, etc.
Have fun with it. Do voices, if you like. I am looking forward to your entry, especially since you are one of my fellow suspense/thriller friends.
Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
I was born in war.
Fighting from my first breath.
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