[Sam M]

Hey, everybody. So, here’s a poem I wrote. Feel free to offer feedback if you want to. 🙂

 

I Would Be

The person I was and am isn’t who I want to be.

Who would I be if nothing stopped me?

If all my weaknesses, fears,

All my sins disappeared.

And I could begin again.

I would seek mercy and justice.

And my hypocrisy? I would bust it.

I would be shield between the hurting and villains.

And my pride? I would kill it.

I would be compassionate to victims.

And my jealousy? It’d be evicted.

I would submit to humiliation and pain,

Having my dreams stolen away,

If it meant saving a stranger’s soul.

No matter my personal toll.

I would never be offended on my own behalf,

But injustice would always make my soul ache.

I would do everything right on the first draft.

My history wouldn’t be drenched in mistakes.

I would forgive in a second,

My love would be strong and

I would treat every human as a child of the Lord.

As for the world? I’d stop wanting more.

I would give with abandon,

And my greed would vanish,

My heart would be focused on those suffering and famished.

I would look at life with honesty,

No matter the pain it might cause me.

I would act on my convictions.

Never kneel to the enemy’s restrictions.

I wouldn’t stray,

I wouldn’t wander,

I wouldn’t work my own agenda,

I would pray,

I would ponder,

I would seek Your will forever.

Truth would rule in my mind,

And hope would shine without ceasing,

Faith would reign, never decreasing,

It would be stronger than an avalanche,

I wouldn’t stop hoping in that second chance.

I wouldn’t give up on monsters,

Not even myself.

I would seek the good of others,

I wouldn’t seek wealth.

My love would be blind

To enemy lines.

I would endure suffer to save an enemy,

I would give compassion to those against me.

I would care more about humanity,

Than what they thought of me.

I would keep my eyes on You,

And find peace.

That’s what I dream of:

To be free.

I’d remember that I’m your artwork, your servant,

Your child above all else.

I never would’ve hiked a thousand miles towards hell.

I would have courage and honor.

My love would be so much stronger.

I would consult Wisdom,

And build with purpose,

I know I haven’t done everything I should’ve.

The person I was and am isn’t who I want to be.

But You can transform me.

My past is a land of human experience,

My present can be a training ground,

Where better patterns can be found,

Where I can build up humility and fearlessness,

Learn wisdom, love, and perseverance,

Where I can be honest and remember:

Your love -relentless and tender,

Your forgiveness redeeming me,

Your grace remaking me,

Your faithfulness never leaving me.

My hope remains that I can change.

That this isn’t how I’ll end.

[Kimmi]

That was really good. So amazing. Are you going to enter it in the poetry contest?

Jominkreesa

'Forth now! And fear no darkness!'

[Sam M]

@kimlikesart

I actually ended up using a different, but similar, poem for the contest. Thank you so much for the encouragement! 🙂

 

[Eitan]

@sam-m

It was amazing! And encouraging! And beautiful! Thank you for sharing!!!

You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

[Sam M]

@eitan

Thanks, Eitan! 🙂

[JennytheFaun]

I don’t know if you’re still looking for feedback on this or not, but just in case you are:

I thought this was really good! The main suggestion I have is that in the very first line, “was and am isn’t” really tripped me up. I understand now what you’re saying, but it took me two or three glances to piece it together.

My favorite line was “I wouldn’t give up on monsters/Not even myself.” That really made me think of Kalmar from the Wingfeather Saga, which is one of my favorite ever series.

I really resonated with this poem. I love its honesty!

"...by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

[Sam M]

@jennythefaun

Yeah, I can see now how that would be confusing. Thanks for the feedback! 🙂

[Author]

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