The Four Rebels chapter 2
May 7, 2020 at 4:12 pm #111859
Here is the next chapter! Let me know what you think!
Chapter 2: Alyce
There slowly walking through the hall, unaware that anyone was here, was Brian DeGribler, Cavensburg’s best army official. There was nothing he could do to stop The Robin from doing it’s job, but he most definitely could do something to stop me.
I knew my time was running out. It would take me three minutes to get out of the city. My countdown let me know that I had six minutes and twenty-one seconds left. I could make it. I had three minutes to get out of the building. I could do it. Thankfully DeGribler hadn’t seen me. I used that to my advantage. Quietly, I hugged the shadows. He was staring at a map. It showed some of the cities we had rescued from Cavensburg’s grasp. Sneaking up behind him I reached out my hand and grabbed his gun.
It was probably a stupid move, because he turned once he felt the movement. He looked startled. Obviously he hadn’t expected anyone to be in here. But in that moment I defiantly stared into his eyes. 6.03, 6.02, 6.01. This was where I had made a big mistake. He saw my face. He knew I had a secret. Realizing my error and knowing I had no time to waste I quickly spun around and ran. DeGribler chased after me. That’s when I realized I had made an even bigger mistake. He would follow me. He wouldn’t die if he was behind me. I had no choice. I turned down an alley and waited until he was close enough. Then I shot him. I felt like the whole world had heard that shot. But of course that wasn’t so. There were many people shooting. No one would have suspected that one of the shots had killed the soldiers beloved Commander.
I waited a moment. Maybe a moment to long. My time was precious. I knew I need to move, but I couldn’t. I, Alyce Hinger, was a murderer.
Move! I told myself. 5.45, 5.44, 5,43. The timer in my head steadily said. I knew I had to go. I had now become part of this rebellion. I had killed a man with my own hand. What I had done with The Robin was different. It wasn’t me just doing it as part of the rebellion. I had to do it because it was my duty. I stumbled to my feet and as I did, I noticed DeGribler had a bag. It had fallen of him when I shot him. I stuffed that in my bag and took of running. 5.23, 5.22. I wished the timer would shut off, but I knew it would be the only thing that would help me survive. I took off running, silently listening to the timer and carefully staying hidden in the shadows. If a soldier caught me, I was done for. The papers contained information only to be given to the leaders of the rebellion. If anyone found it, our plans would fail. We would not win. Determined to help this justice be brought, I ran faster.
It wasn’t until I was nearly a minute away from leaving the city, that I heard Ranwick. He was being beaten. I could hear his cries clearly. I turned towards the noise and crept silently towards him. I was behind the soldiers and of course they weren’t paying attention to their backs. I could have easily have taken a shot, but Ranwick saw me. “Ite! Ite Alyce. Nisi forte tu es nobis. Quaeso, ire!” he cried out. It was Latin. He had taught it to me, Luke and Mark so we could talk in secret. “Go,” he had said. “Go Alyce. You are our only chance. Please, go!” Each word was a struggle for him. The soldiers were enjoying their chance to beat our leader. Ranwick gave me a pleading look. Then the soldiers whipped him again. He cried out. Then he shouted one last time in Latin, Ite! Go!
I took off running. Everything inside told me to go back to Ranwick. To go back and take the lives of those who were about to take his. 2.15, 2.14, 2.13. My timer was almost out. I still had one more minute before I reached the edge of the city. I could not get caught. I felt as if I was flying. My feet barely touched the ground. I was almost out of the city when I cried out in dismay and stopped abruptly in the shadows.
Ranwick had been right about there being a large group of soldiers coming. Way more than I had every pictured. They were surrounding the city. I had to be very careful in my moves. One wrong step and Cavensburg would win. But if I could get out, we would win. I was sure of it. I only had one minute and nine seconds left. I had to be quick. Then I saw my opportunity. Some of the army vehicles were closer to a cluster of buildings. I could use their shadow to help hide me. Silently I crept towards them. I was almost in there. I made it. The buildings hid me very well, but I couldn’t stay. I would have to leave the dark safety and take my chances. I saw my moment and seized it.
The night was full of darkness. Besides the fires burning our city and the lights from Cavensburg army it was practically pitch black. Even the moon seemed to be hiding itself. If I shot one bullet no one would be able to tell where it had come from. I had to chose my subject carefully. Then I realized all I needed was a distraction. Just enough so that I could sneak past the soldiers and into the forest. I took my shot and fired. The tire popped loudly and the soldiers were distracted for a moment. It was all I needed. I tore of into the forest. 0.23, 0.23. I had seconds to be passed the old birch tree. I could make it.
I ran as fast as I could. Nothing was going to stop me. I had made it this far and I was going to make it to the end. I was almost to the birch tree when the explosion nearly pushed me to my knees. I stumbled but kept running. It would be worst in a second if I wasn’t past the tree. With a sickening thought I realized it was seconds. My breath quickened. 0.03, 0.02, 0.01, 0.00. Then a thundering explosion sounded and threw me to the ground. I wondered if I had made it past the tree. But I could barely think on that, for I was falling unconscious. That would be thought upon later. Soon I would know whether I had gone to the grave or still held on to that precious, valuable, priceless gift of life. Life that my people had given for a cause I wasn’t sure was worth it. I would only have to wait for those questions to be answered. Because I, Alyce Hinger, a murderer, and a rebel, was now unconscious.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Katja R.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 7, 2020 at 4:35 pm #111864Arindown (Gracie)@arindown
Really nice! You’re making me jealous with the character arc and development that I think is coming…am I right? I’m still on the edge of my seat, wondering what’s going to happen. She couldn’t have been totally successful.😨😉
One thing I would suggest would be to emphasize her fear when Ranwick is talking to her. Ranwick never would have left her, but she left him, if you know what I mean.
Totally awesome. Keep it up.😊
"If I'm gonna break, I'll break like the dawn." -NightbirdeMay 7, 2020 at 4:41 pm #111868
Thanks. Just so you know things change in the next chapter, so don’t go trying to guess. 😀
Ok, I think I get what your saying. But she wasn’t necessarily afraid when she was talking with him, I would say more upset that the soldiers where beating him. If that makes sense? Just let me know what you think I could have done better.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 7, 2020 at 4:51 pm #111871Arindown (Gracie)@arindown
I have to guess!😳 I hate suspense, it makes me jumpy.😄😄😄
I think I understand. My idea was that people always have this “never leave someone behind” thing, so maybe she should feel a little bit guilty for leaving him, even though it wouldn’t have helped anything.🤔
I really like it. Don’t let me pressure you into anything…it’s good for me to deal with suspense once in a while (I usually gobble up books to avoid that problem.😝 Two years ago, my parents gave me a book for Christmas, and I read the whole thing that day. I couldn’t just leave myself wondering.😆).
"If I'm gonna break, I'll break like the dawn." -NightbirdeMay 7, 2020 at 4:58 pm #111872
Haha! *evil smile* I love keeping people in suspense but I hate being in suspense when I’m reading something. 😀
Ok, I think I get what you’re saying. I’ll see what I can do.
I am exactly the SAME way. My mom would always joke that I should move into the library. And she’d say every time I’d check out my books that I was getting half the library. 😀
I’ll make a few changes and post the next chapter tomorrow?
And let me know when you get Alyce drawn. (Sorry, I can be really impatient sometimes.)
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 8, 2020 at 9:52 am #111939claire@claire-h
Great job! I love how you’re piling all this guilt on Alyce. Poor girl. 😉 Can’t wait to see what happens next!
I noticed a few little mistakes, but nothing you wouldn’t notice if you read over it I think. Similar to the things Beth pointed out in the previous chapter.
It did take me a minute to remember who Ranwick was, mainly because in the previous chapter you had called him “Mr. Ranwick” instead of just Ranwick. Idk, just a little thing I noticed.
a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
it just blooms.May 8, 2020 at 11:37 am #111950
Thanks. I think I will post the next chapter later today.
I will read through again and take a peek.
Yeah, I changed how Ranwick was called in the first chapter. Did a little stuff on my story last night. To be honest, I don’t really know why I called him “Mr.” in the first chapter. 😀 I changed a few things so hopefully it sounds better.
Thanks for reading it!
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 8, 2020 at 5:28 pm #111995
I really liked it! I liked how you choose Latin to be the ‘secret’ language!
Just a few things I noticed, mostly like the first chapter.
I stuffed that in my bag and took of running. You obviously meant off lol!
5.23, 5.22. I wished the timer would shut off, but I knew it would be the only thing that would help me survive. I took off running, silently listening to the timer and carefully staying hidden in the shadows.
And then you said she took off running twice!
I was almost to the birch tree when the explosion nearly pushed me to my knees. I stumbled but kept running. It would be worst in a second if I wasn’t past the tree. With a sickening thought I realized it was seconds. My breath quickened. 0.03, 0.02, 0.01, 0.00. Then a thundering explosion sounded and threw me to the ground.
Just a little confusing that an explosion happened twice! haha
Those were the only things I caught! Good job!
P.S. Did you ever find my story? lol
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!May 8, 2020 at 5:33 pm #111998
Oh and wasn’t the first chapter called Alyce?
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!May 8, 2020 at 6:10 pm #112000
Thanks for your comments.
Yup, I meant off. 🙂
I didn’t realize the running thing. Thanks for pointing that out.
Yes, I have to find a synonym for explosion….but I guess what might be confusing you is that it happens twice. I’ll try to explain this. So the “bomb” explodes once in it’s location when it’s let out, then it sends out like a radio wave type of thing and then once it reach the end of the concordance it explodes. Does that help? Do you think I need to explain that more?
And the chapters are named by which person is the main character. I have four characters each will be the MC in certain chapters. I will post the next chapter now since I told y’all about that. 😀
I did find your story. I am working on writing out my comments. I ran out of time earlier. Sorry. I will post my comments in a second.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 8, 2020 at 8:41 pm #112025
Okay yeah, that makes sense now that you explained it, but you might want to revise it a little better so it’s more clear!
Yeah, I get what you mean by the names of the chapters being the names of your characters! I’m actually reading a book right now that does that! haha
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!May 8, 2020 at 8:44 pm #112026
Good! I’ll try to make that more clear. I think the biggest thing for me is that I don’t know how to really describe the weapon that well. I will try to work on that.
I wouldn’t have usually put chapter names or titles (it takes me to long.) but I thought it might help to make this book more understandable.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 8, 2020 at 8:48 pm #112028
Okay! Yeah, I name my chapters just bc I like doing it lol! But how your doing it is perfectly fine! 😉
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!May 9, 2020 at 10:06 am #112045
Here is chapter 2.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.May 10, 2020 at 8:44 am #112112
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