Activity

Again, this is a recap lesson to help you keep on improving your skills in Pacing and Suspense!

The goal today is to write a really slow, suspenseless snippet, then one that is full of suspense. BONUS POINTS if they are the same scene. Not that there are points, but that will help give you the right idea.

As always, keep it fairly short. I’m slowly working through giving feedback on all of those lesson from the last few weeks, so hopefully I’ll get on top of that soon!

Good Version:

For a moment, time stops.

 

A weapon made to drain away the powers of the storms. A weapon made that would be inactive for nearly thirty years. A weapon that Sharlo seems to have found and that the Storm Wielders are trying to take from him. A weapon that could ultimately be the end of all of humanity.

 

A weapon that I seem to have.

 

Oh, please no.

 

I shove myself to a kneeling position and scan my gaze around. Opia. I have to find Opia. I can just make her out, crouching in the distance beside a sign for some sort of sale that’s meant to be going on. A reading shows up on my Intel-lenses:

258.5

I scrabble down the lip of the roof and begin a crouching jog over to the place where she was tapping furiously at her cross-net.

 

Don’t let me be too late again.

 

 

Not-so-Good Version:

 

Then it hits me. There was meant to be a weapon out there that could win this war. If what they were saying earlier is true, then I have to have this weapon.

 

Panic wells up inside me and I stumble to the edge of the roof, glancing over. Maybe Opia would know what was going on.

 

She kneels next to a sign advertising a sale of some sort. Over 250 meters away according to my Intel-lenses.

 

I slide down from the roof and begin running over to her, crouching to stay out of sight.

 

I couldn’t be too late this time. Not like I did before. That was bad. Lots of people were killed that time.

 

You can instantly see the difference. We started off with a well done bit that was full of suspense. The second one was the same scene, but the prose made it fall weak. Things were not timed well, and the wrong aspects were emphasised. Less emotions were evoked.

 

I really am looking forward to seeing what you guys come up with!

 

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