Prologue feedback
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This is a one-page prologue to a larger story of mine, and I would like some feedback from anybody on whether it has a large enough hook. Would you continue reading after this introduction?
https://www.dropbox.com/home?preview=Prologue.docx
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Thank you. I really don’t know how this keeps happening. 😛
@vivian-grant I read it. It was good, but I think you could make it more dramatic. Maybe more facial expressions?
And, I also think you hook the reader by putting in more stakes. What will it cost the man? Is this life and death? Loosing a fortune? You don’t have to give details, just give enough to make me want to know the answer.
Sorry if I’m a bit confusing.
"If I'm gonna break, I'll break like the dawn." -Nightbirde
Yay, you got it working.
First, know that most readers skip prologues. You can find editors all over the place discouraging their use, and any story publishing site like Wattpad on which you can see chapter views will show you first chapters tend to have way more views than prologues.
So a prologue shouldn’t be a hook. That’s what covers, blurbs, and first chapters are for. If you use a prologue, it shouldn’t contain anything important because you can’t be sure it’ll be read.
As for this one in particular, I didn’t find it very engaging. Two guys discuss whether something important is going to happen at some other time for a few seconds, and then we’re done. We know nothing about them or the situation.
Not to mention you convey most of your meaning through adjectives and adverbs instead of through verbs and nouns. If you removed most of those and specifically removed most of your said-bookisms, this would be a lot more readable.
Thank you both for the feedback.
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