WolverineRM

Zee replied to the topic Fresh Eyes in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 8 months ago

And I forgot to say–I’d be happy to offer feedback in exchange.

Zee started the topic Fresh Eyes in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 8 months ago

I’ve been a member of another great online community ChristianWriters.com, for a little over two years now. In that time I’ve learned so much about the craft of writing/storytelling, and gotten amazing encouragement and help–so much so that I ended up self-publishing two short novels this year.

Now, with my third in progress, I feel that I need…[Read more]

Zee joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group

Rebekah.Elizabeth posted an update in the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

Hey, fellow writers!
I have a question for y’all…
I have written a book that takes place in Japan, and for a year it was published on Amazon. (I have now decided to unpublish it.) I am now realizing that middle-way knowledge of Japan, knowing most of the big details of it, but missing a bunch of the little day-to-day things that anyone who is rea…[Read more]

Zee replied 5 years, 9 months ago

Hi Rebekah.Elizabeth! I’m very new here, too, but I saw your question and was intrigued, because I also decided to go the “made-up country” route when writing my new series, for various reasons that are probably not relevant to your case.

Personally, I’d rather read about a character from Japan (or England, or Morocco, or wherever) even if you…[Read more]
- Rebekah.Elizabeth replied 5 years, 4 months ago
  
  Thanks for the response! (And sorry about my delayed reply, I’m crazy busy lately.)
  I also prefer to read a story that takes place in a more well-described land than a “foreign country.” The problem that I was facing is that this character was imprisoned in that country for x amount of years because they had been caught distributing illegal…[Read more]

Rebekah.Elizabeth joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group

Kristianne Hassman replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@writergirl101

Oh wow, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll be sure to tag you when I post anything else in the future. 🙂

Ella replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@kristianne-hassman

Glad to help! I like your style–it was easy to follow. I’d love to read anything else you post!

Kristianne Hassman replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@taylorclogston

Thank you for reading it and for your suggestions. You brought up some good points that I will definitely consider. As for the ending, I personally prefer when stories have some sort of closure rather than ending abruptly. I can see what you mean about the angel part not being necessary. I don’t think I’ll take it out completely,…[Read more]

Kristianne Hassman replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@writergirl101

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and give suggestions! I really appreciate it. I will think about how to rephrase those sentences. 🙂

Taylor Clogston replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

I agree with Ella about the close repeats and formatting.

All I “know” of operating rooms comes from TV, so please be patient =P First, would anyone bother thinking or saying “ECG machine” instead of just “ECG?” Second, would the MC be required to formally call time of death, or is that just a TV thing?

Why is this the patient who gets to the…[Read more]

Ella replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

Sorry, the quotes didn’t work.

Ella replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@kristianne-hassman

Wow! That was amazing! I only spotted a couple of things that won’t take long to fix.

Kristianne Hassman wrote:
Breathe, I tell myself. In and out. In and out. My heart calms and I lean back, closing my eyes.
Maybe you could use italics to distinguish her thoughts for readability’s sake. If you decide to do that, then ma…[Read more]

Ella replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@kristianne-hassman

Wow! That was amazing! I only spotted a couple of things that won’t take long to fix.

Maybe you could use italics to distinguish her thoughts for readability’s sake. If you decide to do that, then maybe you could scan the manuscript and italicize her other thoughts for consistency.

Maybe a synonym here?

Again, re…[Read more]

Ella replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

@kristianne-hassman

Wow! That was amazing! There were only a couple of things I noticed.

Maybe you could you italics just to make her thoughts clearer. I think the readability would be easier.

There are two “help” words in this, so, for readability’s sake, consider using a synonym for one or the other.

I know this leads the reader on…[Read more]

Ella joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group

Taylor Clogston replied to the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 9 months ago

I’ll read and have critique by today or tomorrow.

For future reference I suggest posting a Google Drive or similar link so you can take your story down after you’ve received advice. You don’t have any ability to delete or edit an SE post after a short initial period.

Kristianne Hassman started the topic Short Story: A Chance of Hope in the forum Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 10 months ago

Hi friends! I would welcome any critiques on my short story “A Chance of Hope.” I need to submit it to the short story contest by next Tuesday, so I would appreciate if you could give me feedback by this weekend.

Thanks so much!

“Doctor, her heart rate’s spiking.”

Ruthie’s voice cut through my concentration, but I don’t dare look up. “Chec…[Read more]

Kristianne joined the group Contemporary Fiction Writers 5 years, 10 months ago

Contemporary Fiction Writers

View group