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@literatureforthelight

1. Yes, we need to put in more indicators of it being a dream. I think we can have Ryan know he’s dreaming, because he knows she’s dead. Go ahead and edit it. I plan on working on it later this morning.

2. Agreed. I’ll try to explain each one here:

The hat: A friend of ours has looked extensively into common dream interpretations, and told us that being naked in a dream often means being your true self, and/or being vulnerable. Since I figured having him be actually naked in the dream would take too much of the seriousness out of the piece, I went with just the hat. So, that’s what I was trying to do with the hat. I almost had him go on stage without it in the real-life section.

“Lead”: Have you listened to the song Misty? A couple of the lyrics go: “You could say that you’re leading me on…” and then: “…That’s why I’m following you.” I only noticed this connection after I wrote the piece. I vote we keep that one. I suppose we could drop the word, but we should keep the idea.

“Live”: With her death, he’s… afraid(?)… ashamed(?)… to move on, because she isn’t able to. Perhaps that’s cliche, though. We might be able to cut that idea? What do you think?

The mention of God: Perhaps I tried too hard with this one. This is the only one I think we could cut without losing anything, but I kind of feel bad about cutting it out. I’m willing to do it if that’s what the story needs. What do you think? Cut it, or tie it in better?

Emma: We obviously can’t cut this one, but perhaps we can make her a little more consistent?

3. Yes! Please add all the little dreamy details you want. I have a tendency to be visually sparse anyway. I’m trying not to hold so tightly to this one as I did to Fish, so go ahead and suggest edits. I’ll try and be liberal with the approving. XD We’ll see how it goes.

Also, go ahead and combine a few sentences. Just to mix up the flow of the sentences a little. Just as long as it still… flows.

Just so you know, I very likely won’t like most of the edits suggested. But do it anyway. I’ll get over it.

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And just in case:

Misty, Draft 1