Activity

Hi everyone, since we’re in the second week of October already I thought that I might as well post this, though I don’t know if anyone has the time.

So this is the piece that I entered into the short story competition. This is like my fifth draft, because the first draft my mom said it was too gory and dark, the second was too confusing, the third was too negative, and so on. All in all, there was nothing connecting the story.

Well, she didn’t end up reading this final draft, because I literally turned this piece in at like 11 at night. I added a thread to connect the story, but I feel like that only made it preachy. Is it preachy?

Here’s the link, anyway.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/11j3M4MQ2ryK-2dA_GFImeICG5psAuzxT/view?usp=sharing

I turned down the dark/violence but it still is slightly violent, though…I don’t think I went into detail.

So, here’s what I want critique on:

-Plot. Does the story make sense?

-Flow. How’s my style?

-Theme. Is it too preachy?

-Characters. Did I portray them well?

-Was the story too confusing? How were my descriptions? How was the inner conflict? I actually hadn’t really written inner conflict before this piece, so…

-Any other general comments.

So, yeah. If you have time, or don’t have time…

@sarah-inkdragon @devastate-lasting @sageinthemeadow @enu @the-inkspiller @karthmin@filewriter @princess-foo @emgc @catwing @kelly-lundgren @allison-grace @enu @sarah-narnathron @ajaj2000 @warrenluther04 @lydia-writes @seekjustice @rose-noblescroll