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Great work, @mcnoggin — especially with your colors and metaphors.

I’ll get to making some edits to this tomorrow (hopefully others can add their improvements today), but I just wanted to go ahead and share a couple of my initial thoughts.

• I generally prefer opening a scene with the POV character as opposed to anything else that’s going on because that’s the most important thing for the reader to connect to.
• I’d like it if we can include that backstory we were thinking about — where the girl treasured sunrises all throughout her childhood.
• The details of the narrator and her father can be more fleshed out I think. We’ve got plenty of room on our word limit, so let’s try to expand on their personalities. That will make the emotions stronger.
• Similar to the last point, let’s try to interrupt the descriptions of the sunrise in places to share some more of the characters thoughts, character details, and smaller details about the immediate setting.

@cindy @kate @ethryndal @elizabeth @girlsetfree @theresa-play @r-m-archer @literatureforthelight @livgiordano @lady-iliara @m_corinnemusic @j-parkhurst

Anyone else able to make some edits on this? I’m looking forward to anything you have to add, big or small. 😀