I saw another post about a forum pretty similar to this one, there’s already quite a few Story Embers people on there and I think it’s run by someone on here

I’m one of the admins at Writer’s Vision. 😛 I’m sure we’d love to have you, but there is a rule against role…[Read more]

Ooh, I never thought about that aspect of The False Prince before!! *will have to think on this* Thanks for the article!

First, try acting it out. In person. With your body. This will help you get a feel for how your balance is, or what muscle is pulled when you make a quick movement, what it is like to have to suddenly adjust direction mid-strike. You might even try hitting something with a stick to get the feels for the vibrations up your…[Read more]

But I’m up for retrying if y’all are! Just let me know. 🙂

As for the other… I say go for it. Having interludes in the middle of the story in a different POV/tense would be pretty jarring, but if you had an epilogue/prologue in a different POV/tense, it would…[Read more]

I’d love to! I don’t have a lot of time until about the end of June, but I’d love to do that sometime. 🙂

[With a happy step, Wren turned onto the main street, holding her dress back to avoid the grimy wall. It was rather filthy, but overall, the village was quite lovely.]

Mm, not quite. I wouldn’t put anything there, since it’s obviously coming from her perspective. But things like “Wren held back her dress to avoid the grimy wall. No use getting it…[Read more]

*grins*

Alfonso and his chancery paid the mercenary captains, and the captains paid the mercenaries, but Drastan often got the feeling that their captains took even more than their greater share already demanded.

I think it’s good. 🙂

Darkness cloaked the world in shadows by the time Drastan had entered the streets of Toledo.

Maybe The world was cloaked…[Read more]

*thumbs up*

Wonderful! I can’t promise I’ll be available (looks like I just got a job and I have another one starting up in late May), but I will try. 🙂

Ahhh, ok! I wondered about the tent/pavillion thing. I think my confusion over the setting was just because I didn’t read the scene where they first saw it. 🙂

I do usually like harsh…[Read more]

Of course!

Ahhh, that makes sense! Fog tends to disperse with light, though. You might want to add a bit of something to make it clear that the fog is what causes low visibility, not something else. 😉

*fp* I have this sinking feeling that it’s going to be one of those love/hate relationships where the author side of me is like,…[Read more]

Alrighty, time to finish this up!

***

As night fell, and the sun slipped beneath the horizon, the fort bustled with activity. Various measures were being taken to maximize it’s security, and breastworks were being constructed about twenty yards from the walls. No plan had been decided on, but Abner, Major Maguire, and Commander W…[Read more]

ME WANTS MORE

Not sure if I like the king, but I trust him. One bit of critique would be that I was confused as to the setting – you said they were in a room, but you also mention grass/dirt/etc. multiple times. Since rooms tend to have floors, I was confuzzled. Were they in a tent? Does this king prefer grass to wood or stone?…[Read more]

Awesome! Best of luck. 😉

WOW. Just… WOW. You have this sense of humor running throughout, and each of the characters are so different that they’re easy to tell apart, though each are relatable too. Your prose is exquisite, and your worldbuilding is incredible!! Which means I need a picture of the tannik’esh. Like now. XD

One word of critique:

I looked…

[Read more]

OH NO A STAALLLKKKEEERRR!!! *runs in terror*

Jk. 😛 Glad to see you over here! *waves*

Um… mind if I join in the conversation? Sorry if I’m like way too late for that…

I also don’t feel like reading through 27 pages of this, so could somebody update me on what is being talked about now?

Nope, not at all! Anyone is welcome…[Read more]

The plan is to be done with Ch. 4 by next week! 🙂

***

With shouts of triumph, the fort’s defenders welcomed the reinforcements. It took the company of almost 500 men more than an hour to get inside the fort, simply because of the narrow gate, and the many wagons of supplies.

Major Maguire led the column, but broke away to s…[Read more]

AWESOME!! Lemme know when you start looking, and I’ll see if I can clear something out for you. 😀 Life has been hectic, so I can’t promise that I’ll be able to read for you, but I’d love to if I get the chance. 🙂

ABSOLUTELY

This. Was. Amazing. Your heart and soul seemed to be poured out into this scene, one of those moments where your fingers pound the keys and the scene in your brain just… comes. Beautifully.

Tag me if you ever post more. 🙂

OH NO IS IT THAT ONE YOU MENTIONED?!

Sorry, if this is overloading you, but I can’t thank you enough.

Hey, no problem! I have time specifically set apart for critiquing, so it’s just a matter of whether I’m diligent or not. 😛

AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! I’m kinda shocked that it happened so fast. XD

Sorry it took me so long to get around to this. *fp* Life is nuts. 😛 Anyway! Same format:

***

In the morning, a gray fog had settled over the fort and the surrounding terrain, minimizing visibility, and giving the land an eery eerie look. Abner woke early, and patrolled the walls, straining his eyes for any sight of the enemy, but…[Read more]

Uh, I overbooked myself. XD Could you sign me up for summer, by any chance? That would be AWESOME.

Also, best of luck!

True. I will say you’ve inspired me to try my hand at it, though. 😛