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  • #149632
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @crazywriter,

    The plan is to be done with Ch. 4 by next week! 🙂

    ***

    With shouts of triumph, the fort’s defenders welcomed the reinforcements. It took the company of almost 500 men more than an hour to get inside the fort, simply because of the narrow gate, and the many wagons of supplies.

    Major Maguire led the column, but broke away to salute Abner. After the courtesy, he dismounted, entrusting his steed to the stablehand that had appeared at his side.

    “The journey was uneventful, sire. Although, we did have a small incident, regarding a volunteer.”

    Abner looked questioningly at Maguire. “I’m not sure I understand, Major. A volunteer?”

    Maguire chuckled. “Yes, a certain stable-hand from the capital somehow caught up with us, and begged to join us. I have no idea how he was able to find us that fast, let alone find us at all. He says he knows you.”

    Abner’s eyes widened. “Gabriel?”

    Maguire nodded. “He insisted on helping in any way he could.” Ohhh dear. XDDD

    Abner couldn’t help but smile. Though it was bound to be very dangerous on the front, he was glad to have a familiar face around, if only in the stables.

    “Well, I don’t think we should turn away any volunteer, Major. We’ll need every man we have.”

    Maguire nodded grimly. “That’s certain, sir.”

    Abner nodded back, chewing his lip. “Major, report to Commander Wise. He’ll fill you in on our plan.”

    Maguire nodded, saluted the king, and left the courtyard. (Ok, you just had them nod three times in a row, and each paragraph started with “[name] nodded”. XD Maybe try a different action?) Abner inhaled breathed in deeply, and turned towards the stables. Maybe he’d find Gabriel there, helping with the reinforcements mounts.

    He decided it would not be best to rush in and greet his old friend and make a scene, so he waited till the bustle of the newcomers died down before he made his way to the barn.

    The commotion had receded, leaving many busy stablehands running to and fro between stalls, forking hay here, hauling water there. A few were grooming the horses, and Abner was willing to bet that would be where he’d find Gabriel.

    Sure enough, Gabriel was busy grooming a greay-white (unfortunately, Britain stole the “grey” version of spelling gray. So we’re stuck with the “a”, which doesn’t look half as good. :P) stallion, who seemed to be enjoying the attention.

    “Gabriel,” Abner said with a smile, “what are you doing here?”

    Gabriel turned, surprised to see his king and close friend standing there. (Looks like you suffered from a bit of head-jumping here. “surprise” is Gabriel’s emotion, not Abner’s, and Abner is the POV. Try using body language to convey Gabriel’s surprise instead of saying that he was surprised to see Abner there. :)) “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness.,Hhe said sheepishly. “You see, when you told me that you were going to fight, I was scared. I knew that I should go, and help anyway I could, but the fear of not coming back, and never seeing my family again—” [undo new paragraph to merge these paragraphs together] He paused, the silence heavy with emotion. He chewed his lip, then continued. “You see, my father’s dead, my mother is terribly sick, my sister’s too young to work. I’m the only way we can live, and if I’m gone, I don’t know what would happen. But I knew I couldn’t just stay here while you went. So, the day after you left I took Blaze, because I knew she was the fastest horse we had. I rode south, and in two days I came upon the main company, and Major Maguire was gracious enough to let me stay.”

    Abner gave a grim smile. “Well, I’ll be honest with you: the situation isn’t looking very good.” Abner paused, gazing at the thick mist beyond the walls. He heaved a sigh, then continued.

    “A part of me fears that we shall be forced to make a costly decision. A very costly decision.” He glanced back at Gabriel, and smiled. “But either way, it’s good to see you. It’s good to have a friend in a time like this.”

    Gabriel grinned, and nodded. Abner smiled back, then glanced back out at the courtyard.

    “I have to go speak with Maguire and Wise, but I’m glad you’re here. Take care of Breanon while I’m gone.”

    “I will, sir.”

    Abner nodded in appreciation, and walked out of the stables, aware of the planningstrategizing (you use the word “plan” in the next sentence) going on in the Commander’s Quarters. Maguire and Wise were probably formulating a plan that they would propose to Abner, and he was sure that, whatever it was, he wouldn’t like it. The fort seemed too vulnerable if the enemy launched any substantial siege, as it was more of a glorified outpost. (I love this wording. XDDD) The dense fog provided the attackers with cover, to sneak up on the walls, without ever having been seen. The entire situation seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. So, as Maguire and Wise were making their plans, Abner too, was thinking of a way to give them an advantage on the enemy.

    (Duh duh DUUUUUHHHHHHH!!!!! Love it, Peter!! Keep ’em coming. :))

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149634
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @annabelle-batie,

    OH NO A STAALLLKKKEEERRR!!! *runs in terror*

    Jk. 😛 Glad to see you over here! *waves*

    Um… mind if I join in the conversation? Sorry if I’m like way too late for that…

    I also don’t feel like reading through 27 pages of this, so could somebody update me on what is being talked about now?

    Nope, not at all! Anyone is welcome at any time. 🙂

    Right now, Crazywriter and I are kinda just working through his story with critique and stuff. No one else is around, so we aren’t really doing what we’re supposed to be doing and just talk. XD

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149636
    Annabelle Batie
    @annabelle-batie

    @joelle-stone

    LOL, okay, I’m glad I wasn’t intruding. I can help critique… which’ll probably mean reading through the last few pages of messages. XD I’ll read through them sometime today!

    -Annabelle Batie, annabelle.batie.com

    #149637
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @annabelle-batie,

    Awesome! Best of luck. 😉

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149638
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @annabelle-batie

    Hi and welcome!

    Hallo und willkommen!

    Hej och välkommen!

    Hola y Bienvenido!

     

    What do you write?

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149639
    Annabelle Batie
    @annabelle-batie

    @emily-waldorf

    Hi! *tries to speak in other languages* *remembers she doesn’t know any other languages* Um… hi again? (pretend I’m speaking in Spanish, okay? Just for the sake of me trying to copy you. 😂)

    Frankly, I’m still trying to figure out what I write. But I mainly write fantasy right now. I’m working on editing my first novel, Identity. It’s a fantasy series about mermaids. I also write on my blog, Pen & Ink, where I do non-fiction articles but also some short stories. So yeah, I do a mix, but right now I write fantasy.

    What do you write?

    -Annabelle Batie, annabelle.batie.com

    #149662
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @annabelle-batie

    I don’t actually know those languages, lol. I’m sort of learning Spanish, but…yeah.

     

    Cool! Do you have mermen, too? Those one-word titles can be so gripping! I’m currently working on two WIPs, When Morning Comes, a story about two brothers whose relationship has stagnated through a tragedy and their journey back to mutual respect and happiness, and a fairy tale (a sleeping beauty retelling with role-reversals). I’m still thinking of a title. I’m thinking, The Mirror, The Waking of the Mirror, or A Look Through Time…or none of the above. Do you like one better?

     

    Idk what genre I write. I end up calling it Slice of Life or Low Fantasy. I’m terrible with genres, lol.

     

    Have you been blogging long? I love pink, so your blog aesthetics make me happy!

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149739
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @crazywriter,

    Alrighty, time to finish this up!

    ***

    As night fell, and the sun slipped beneath the horizon, the fort bustled with activity. Various measures were being taken to maximize its security, and breastworks were being constructed about twenty yards from the walls. No plan had been decided on, but Abner, Major Maguire, and Commander Wise were all busy providing options.

    Abner paced the wooden floor of the Commander’s Quarters. (this is a great change of pace – a short sentence instead of a long one. :)) His steps made a rhythmic thump with every footfall as Tthe waning sunlight slipped in the window., and his steps made a rhythmic thump with every footfall.

    “Charging them head on at night is too dangerous. We can’t see well in the daytime, (why not?) let alone night, and we don’t know the terrain.”

    Wise shook his head. “That may be, Ssire, but the fact of the matter is, if we don’t do anything, they will trap us here forever, and if we try to retreat in the night, with the amount of baggage and men, we won’t make more than thirty miles a day. (kind of a long sentence there) Perhaps your cavalry may escape, but my men are infantry, and will be slaughtered as soon as the enemy finds out where we went. If we are to die, let us die with honor, not with our backs to the foe.” (I like this guy. XD)

    “Glory in battle is good and well, Commander,” said Maguire, “but how is King Abner to explain to the Council if an entire garrison was destroyed by an unnecessarily risky move? And that is assuming he survives the charge in the first place.”

    The truth of this statement left the room in silence, until a Abner suddenly stopped pacing, turned sharply round, and hunkered over the table. He gazed at the map, and a sly smile crept over his face. (Why am I imagining this look so clearly. XD)

    “We won’t need to be slaughtered in retreat if we can make a stand,his finger hovered over the map, then planted on a spot just south of the Barrow’s west bridge,“here.”

    But how will we make it there, King? I see no difference in the problem if we make a stand there, or have a full retreat.” (Who is talking?)

    Abner’s slight smile turned into a full-faced grin, (oohhhhh dear XD) as what had seemed a hard situation moments before was now easily solved. “Commander, what if Lieutenant North and I take a handful of our best cavalrymen, and occupy the enemy long enough so that you and the infantry can make it to the fords of the Barrow. Meanwhile, I will send a messenger to Dallinor, to inform them of the situation, and ask for aid at the south fords of the Barrow River, in two days time.  That gives you ample time to travel there, and you will make defensive breastworks around these heights.” He pointed to a group of small hills. “North and I will do all we can to buy you time. Meanwhile, we also shall get an idea of the size of our enemy, and their skill, training, and purpose.”

    The smile covering Abner’s face soon became mutual with the other two men. However, Wise did scrunch his brow and raise a doubt.

    “A marvelous plan indeed, Ssire, but how do you intend to have a messenger arrive at the Capital so swiftly? It would surely take more than a regular steed to cover over 60 miles, in under a day.”

    Abner smiled. “Well, I know a certain stableboy, and his horse is anything but a regular steed.” (YAY FOR STOWAWAYS!)

    Wise smiled, nodding approvingly, then stood. “Well then, let us make haste. And Ssire,” Wise said, his smile turning turned into a solemn expression, “be careful.”

    ***

    WELL DONE PETER!! *applause* Things are really heating up, and this chapter was AMAZING. Keep it up!

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149740
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter

    @joelle-stone

     

    Thanks!

    Charging them head on at night is too dangerous. We can’t see well in the daytime, (why not?) let alone night, and we don’t know the terrain.”

    I think the reason I had put in was there was a great amount of fog that had descended in the plateau and the lowlands it overlooked, so daytime visibility had been shot.

     

    Boy you’re gonna hate me when you finish 5. But I hope you’ll find it enjoyable XD

    #149741
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    @crazywriter,

    Of course!

    Ahhh, that makes sense! Fog tends to disperse with light, though. You might want to add a bit of something to make it clear that the fog is what causes low visibility, not something else. 😉

    *fp* I have this sinking feeling that it’s going to be one of those love/hate relationships where the author side of me is like, “OY THAT WAS BRILLIANT!!!” and the reader side is going to be like, “OY I HATE THIS MAN WHYYYYYYY!!!” XD

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

    #149917
    Crazywriter
    @crazywriter
    #149918
    Emily Waldorf
    @emily-waldorf

    @crazywriter. I am, for a little bit.

    Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born ~J.S. Bach

    #149920
    Joelle Stone
    @joelle-stone

    *promptly falls over* UH NO ONE IS HOME NOPE NOT AT ALL

    https://thepeninspired.wordpress.com

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