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Fantasy Writers

Part of a story

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #112184
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    Hey,

    This is just a part of a story I’m writing and I just wanted some feedback. Tell me if it makes a lot of sense or not lol!

     

    Raven was suspended high above the ground.

    What if I fell?

    She wasn’t afraid of dying, just the unknown of what came after. She spied Lucy below her looking up with admiration.

    She was the only tightrope walker this circus had and Lucy was very pleased.

    She liked the freedom. She liked being higher than everyone else. Up here was the only place where she could escape her mind.

    Her thoughts were heavy, so she left them on the ground.

    She knew it was time to come down and eat dinner, but she needed more time. She was in no rush to get to the ground. To get to her thoughts.

    She closed her eyes and spread her arms. What if I fell? 

    P.S. Yes, I purposely said ‘what if I fell’ twice! haha

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #112201
    Kristianne
    @kristianne-hassman

    @beth20

    It makes sense to me, although I’d have to know the context to say for sure. I like it! Now I want to know more about Raven, lol!

    Courage, dear heart.

    #112209
    Katja R
    @katja-r

    @beth20

    It’s pretty good! The only thing I was wondering is that it almost sounded as if she was gonna jump of and kill herself. Like is she thinking about committing suicide? Maybe that is what you were trying to tell and I’m just weird enough to not understand, but yeah.

    -Katja

    If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.

    #112221
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @kristianne-hassman

    Good, I’m glad! Maybe I’ll post the whole story on here sometime!


    @katja-r

    Thanks! Yes, she was pondering. She’s a hurting unit.

    Thanks for reading!

    -Beth

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #112250
    Eitan
    @eitan

    Hmm. She does sounds depressed. Good job!

    You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

    #112298
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @eitan

    Thanks!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #112578
    PurpleTurtle
    @purpleturtle

    @beth20
    I really liked it! I like how you said that she left her heavy thoughts on the ground so she could be light and free up above. Keep it up!

    "It is not the strength of the body that counts but the strength of the spirit" ~ J.R.R. Tolkein

    #112612
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @purpleturtle

    Thank you! 🙂 I will!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #112638
    claire
    @claire-h

    @beth20

    Great job! Love this excerpt. 🙂

    a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
    it just blooms.

    #112657
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @claire-h

    Thanks! Maybe I’ll post the whole story sometime! Congrats for you and your team btw lol! But the Lions will come in stronger tomorrow!!! XD

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #112665
    claire
    @claire-h

    @beth20

    Lol. Thanks! *howls*

    a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
    it just blooms.

    #112679
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @claire-h

    XD  *ROAR!!!*

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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