Part of a story
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Hey,
This is just a part of a story I’m writing and I just wanted some feedback. Tell me if it makes a lot of sense or not lol!
Raven was suspended high above the ground.
What if I fell?
She wasn’t afraid of dying, just the unknown of what came after. She spied Lucy below her looking up with admiration.
She was the only tightrope walker this circus had and Lucy was very pleased.
She liked the freedom. She liked being higher than everyone else. Up here was the only place where she could escape her mind.
Her thoughts were heavy, so she left them on the ground.
She knew it was time to come down and eat dinner, but she needed more time. She was in no rush to get to the ground. To get to her thoughts.
She closed her eyes and spread her arms. What if I fell?Â
P.S. Yes, I purposely said ‘what if I fell’ twice! haha
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!
It makes sense to me, although I’d have to know the context to say for sure. I like it! Now I want to know more about Raven, lol!
Courage, dear heart.
It’s pretty good! The only thing I was wondering is that it almost sounded as if she was gonna jump of and kill herself. Like is she thinking about committing suicide? Maybe that is what you were trying to tell and I’m just weird enough to not understand, but yeah.
-Katja
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try living with a mosquito.
Good, I’m glad! Maybe I’ll post the whole story on here sometime!
Thanks! Yes, she was pondering. She’s a hurting unit.
Thanks for reading!
-Beth
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!
Hmm. She does sounds depressed. Good job!
You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.
@beth20
I really liked it! I like how you said that she left her heavy thoughts on the ground so she could be light and free up above. Keep it up!"It is not the strength of the body that counts but the strength of the spirit" ~ J.R.R. Tolkein
Thank you! 🙂 I will!
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!
Great job! Love this excerpt. 🙂
a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
it just blooms.Thanks! Maybe I’ll post the whole story sometime! Congrats for you and your team btw lol! But the Lions will come in stronger tomorrow!!! XD
Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!
Lol. Thanks! *howls*
a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
it just blooms.
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