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Fantasy Writers

Another Short Story! 🙂

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #111056
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    Hello!

    Here is another short story! Hope you guys like it, tell me what you think!

     

    Acorn shifted her paws nervously.

    What if he doesn’t like me? The words rang menacingly in her head. Her tail was twitching uncontrollably.

    “Relax!” came a voice behind her.

    She turned around seeing her two brothers looking at her. The bigger one, Blaze, seeing her tail twitching, crouched and was about to pounce when the smaller one, Golden, swiped him with his paw.

    “Stop, Mom’s coming,” he mewed.

    Blaze straightened and started licking his paws nonchalantly. Acorn wrapped her tail around her paws and tried to act uninterested. But Golden ran to meet the golden, brown, lioness on the trail.

    “Mom, Mom can we go now?” he asked excitedly.

    She let out a deep rumbling purr and rubbed her cheek along her son’s head.

    “Of course, my little cub,” she responded.

    He yowled enthusiastically.

    “Come on guys,” he called to them. “We’re gonna go meet dad and the rest of the pride!”

    Acorn rolled her eyes. She knew where they were going and didn’t need any reminders.

    Why can’t life just stay as it is? 

    Blaze pushed past her running to catch up with Golden.

    “Dad’s gonna like me better,” she heard him say.

    “No, he’s not. He’s gonna like me better!” Golden answered.

    Her brother’s voices faded away in the distance and she was left behind. Her mom slowed her pace to fall in step with her.

    “Nervous?” she asked Acorn.

    She nodded.

    “What if he doesn’t like me? What if The Pride doesn’t like me?” she mewed.

    Her mom laughed,

    “I think he’ll like you” she assured her, “after all what is there not to like?”

    Acorn rubbed her head against her mom’s jaw purring loudly.

    “Thank you.”

    Feeling more confident she rushed ahead, joining her brothers.

    Acorn stood with her brothers on the outside of the circle. The Pride had gathered to welcome the new cubs. They weren’t the only new cubs and the other litter was being welcomed first.

    She watched as the King of The Pride received the cubs into his pride and they met their father for the first time.

    Acorn was glad for the cubs, but her uneasiness had returned and she was feeling nervous once more.

    Then her mom nudged her from behind,

    “It is time my dear ones.”

    And she walked into the circle with her brothers.

    The King approached them,

    “It is an honor to welcome these three new cubs into my Pride,” he said, “and I know they will contribute to it with all their hearts!”

    There were a few yowls of agreement. Then The King stepped back and nodded to another lion.

    Acorn felt a shiver of excitement run down her spine.

    Because she knew the lion stepping forward was her father.

    Her father laid his head on each of theirs in turn.

    “I, Kiniun, (these cubs’ father) welcome them as part of my family and will protect them for as long as they’re under my paws!”

    Then the whole Pride erupted in yowls and roars, receiving them as their own.

    Acorn felt her brothers stand taller beside her. She felt warm all over.

    They had been accepted.

     

    I tried to put a picture here, but it wigged out and wouldn’t let me lol!

    A Few Lion Facts:

    The Swahili word for lion is, simba.

    The Yoruba word for lion is, kiniun.

    The leader of a pride of lions is called a king.

    Lions are the only cats that live in groups.

    Lions are the second largest big cat species in the world (behind tigers).

    The average male lion weighs around 400 lb.

    The average female lion weighs around 290 lb.

    The heaviest lion on record weighed an amazing 826 lb.

    A lion’s roar can be heard up to eight kilometers away, about 5 miles!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111057
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    Gonna tag you too lol 😉 @emily-maynard

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111062
    Elizabeth
    @elizabeth

    This is so cute! I really love all the different character voices your characters have! It reminds me of the book series Warriors!

    INTP. Writer of fantasy and sci-fi. Wannabe artist. Anime geek. Merakian.

    #111064
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @elizabeth

    Aww, thank you!! I love the Warrior series!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111065
    claire
    @claire-h

    @beth20

    Aw, such a cute story. All the little lion cubs made  it warm and fuzzy. 😉

    The only thing that confused me was at first I thought the story was about squirrels since the cub’s name was Acorn. Lol. But yeah, great job!

    a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it.
    it just blooms.

    #111066
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @claire-h

    Thank you! That’s funny, I can see why that would be confusing lol! I was thinking Acorn more as color haha!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111071
    Rainy Emily
    @millennium

    That was really good! I love Warriors. 😜

    When everything you touch turns to gold...
    gold...
    gold...
    gold...

    #111074
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @millennium

    Thank you! Yeah, warriors is a fun series!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111079
    Eitan
    @eitan

    Very cute story, I loved it (and the lion facts are very cool)!

    Now, my critique – it’s just my opinion, and I enjoyed the story anyway.

     

    At first, I was sure that the story is about cats 😉

    The names of the cubs are somewhat strange. Calling a lion after his color isn’t very informative, since all lions have the same color… Maybe you could use names that sound more ”lionish”, or that tell about the culture of the lions.

    Ancient Hebrew names, for example, were usually either names of animals (wild goat, lion, gazelle…) and plants (date palm), either ”Godly” names (YHWH is my salvation, YHWH will erect, I serve YHWH…) – what tells us that the Israelites used nature as a metaphor of human traits and characteristics, and valued God and religion (after all, many wicked kings had ”Godly” names).

    Maybe the lions view body parts as symbols for characteristics? Tail may represent beauty and gentleness, and legs may signify strength and speed. Or maybe they have certain legends about trees, rocks and so on? For example, maybe the legends say that the acacia was a brave lion who sacrificed his life for his pride, so after his death, the first acacia tree grew upon his death so due to the lion’s courage, his descendants could enjoy shadow in the hot summer – in such case, ‘’Acacia’’ would be a common and popular name for males.

     

    “Of course, my little cub,” she responded.

    In this context, it’s clear that it’s the mother who speaks – you didn’t have to explain it.

    Anyway, I really enjoyed the story, and that’s just my opinion!

    You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

    #111082
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @Eitan

    Thank you!

    Yes that might be a good thing to consider (the names.)

    And yeah the responded thing is a good critique! Thank you, I can always count on you for good criticism lol 🙂

    -Beth

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111118
    Eitan
    @eitan

    @beth20

    I’m happy to hear 😀

    You don't need to see the wind itself in order to hear the rustling leaves.

    #111134
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    Do you guys use pen names when you write things?

    I was just trying to decide if I want to use one myself.

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111154
    Linyang Zhang
    @devastate-lasting

    @beth20 Yeah, I always use a pen name.

    "I set a melody upon the scenery I saw outside my window;
    It's beginning in my spacy world."
    - TK

    #111156
    Beth Darlene
    @beth20

    @devastate-lasting

    Okay. Thanks!

    Jominkreesa! For the weirdos who know what it means! 😉 I love you guys!

    #111214
    Kristianne
    @kristianne-hassman

    @beth20

    Aww, such a sweet story! I love the theme of acceptance and the loving family. And thanks for sharing those interesting facts!

    Courage, dear heart.

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