Contemporary Fiction Writers

The Secret Plan (Chap 1)

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #105931
    Katthewriter
    @katthewriter

    Ik this is not any good.  But its the second draft that I’m working on,  and its waaayyy better than draft 1. But idk if anyone else will like this.

    The SECRET Plan (2nd Draft)

     

    CHAPTER 1

    Joe

    I could almost see her clear as glass sitting on the bench next to me. Her dirty blonde hair, her soft hazel eyes, her light unblemished skin, and that perfectly white smile. Then it faded like the wind. Only almost see, not really see, because she was not really there. The dull ach that set into my chest six years ago, returned with more force than ever. Would I ever see her again? Or was she gone for good?

    “If only I could find you, Alice.” I whispered barely above a whisper, as if the empty echoey walls would hear, if I spoke any louder. “I’m so sorry. It was all my fault.” I said, chocking on a sob.

    I wiped my eyes, trying to clear my blurred with wetness eyes to see the figure heading my way. Looking down quickly, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. Don’t let them see you cry. Just swallow it back.

    “Hey, you okay?” I painful jerked my head up, to see the speaker in front of me. Standing up quickly, I nodded. He was half a head taller than me, slight concern in the darkest blue eyes I had ever seen.

    Glancing at the floor, I said. “Of course,” I glanced back up, “Who are you?” I had never seen him before. His hair, like his eyes, were dark, dark brown, slightly curling up at the top, but his skin was the opposite, light white.

    He smiled an almost perfectly white smile; this guy seemed too good to be true. “I’m Jacoby Smith, we just moved here.” He put out his hand.

    “Oh.” I shook it. “I’m Joe.”

    “Nice to meet you. I talked with Brad, your brother? And he said we were about the same age. I’m seventeen, how about you?”

    Oh, so he’s talking with Brad, is he? I inwardly clenched, locking my jaw. Why does Brad always have to interfere with my life? I tried to relax, so this guy wouldn’t see me explode, pushing Brad out of my mind I answered him in a lot-calmer-than-I-felt voice. “Sixteen. You move here alone?” I knew plenty of spies my age were on their own.

    He shook his head. “No, thank God I’m not. Came here with my parents, and I think my dad is going to be the new head doctor over here.”

    Oh, so this is a rich doctor’s kid, no wonder everything about him seems so perfect.  “Your dad is the head doctor? That’s cool. So that means you’ll stick around here for awhile.”

    “Oh?” One of his dark eyebrows went slightly up. “So, we won’t keep moving every two years?”

    Guess he was rich, and dumb. “No, you stay unless you are discarded, like high officers do.”

    “Oh, okay,” He leaned his tall frame against the wall, “So how long are you here? What does your dad do?”

    “I’m here permanently, unless I decide to move elsewhere. And I guess I didn’t tell you my last name? It’s Bentwood.”

    He stood up off of the wall, eyes widening slightly, “Wait… like commander Bentwood? Your dad is the commander? That’s so cool!”

    I forced a grin. “Yah, I guess so. Just makes it easier, where we don’t have to move all the time.”

    “Yes, I assume so. I think it’ll be good for us to not have to move anymore…though that helped…” He looked down, a sad look coming into his eyes, but then like realizing I was here, he quickly looked back up, a smile in his lips, and the sadness gone from his eyes. “Won’t you be, you know, like next in line?”

    I didn’t ask about the look or what he meant, if he didn’t want me to know I wasn’t going to ask. I wouldn’t want him getting into my personal life, not until I know I could trust him.

    Oh man, this guy knows nothing. “No. That’s Brad.” Brad the ‘perfect child’ is in line next. He gets soon-to-be-commander, and I get nothing, other than staying in this one place. I sighed.

    His smile lessened. “Oh. Right. Sorry about that.”

    “It’s okay, not your fault.”

    “I know, but that must be a bummer.  I’m the eldest, but I imagine it would be hard to be under the next in line commander. Sorry man.”

    Hm, maybe this Jacoby guy is not so bad, kind of nice, and understanding…  “It is. Thanks.” I grinned, this time for real. “So, you’re the eldest, do you have other siblings?”

    He hesitated slightly, then nodded. “Yah, I have a sister.” He looked around, like for something else other than smudges, and scratches on the old brown walls. “What about you?”

    He kept studying the wall, which I guess somehow distracted him from remembering Brad. But something about the way his lips were pressed together in a straight line, the way his fist was slightly clenched, and the way his dark eyes got deeper, showed me he was dealing with some deeper pain. So, I did not push it, or make fun of him about it. “Just Brad, and another sister.”

    It was strange, something about him was different, and made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time. And to tell him things I didn’t tell other people.

    “O-oh. Okay, that’s cool.” He shook his head slightly, like how a dog shakes himself after her gets wet, then continued, looking at me instead of the wall. He now was looking a bit more relaxed. “I think I have to go…but can we talk more later, and maybe hang out some?”

    I nodded, I actually wanting to know him better too. “Of course. I’ll meet up with you later.”

    “Awesome, nice meeting you.” He started walking away, and turned back, a smile in his eyes and lips “Bye Joe!”

    “Bye!” I called to him as walked around the corner, and I saw him no more.

    As I sat back down, I felt something new, was it, maybe, a hope of a friendship? I’d shut out people for so long, since my best friend was taken, that I’d forgotten what having a friend felt like. I smiled. I think Jacoby will be a great option for a new friend.

    #106055
    Katthewriter
    @katthewriter

    CHAPTER 2

    Jacoby

    After what seemed like hours of unpacking my belongings, I finally got to the last box. Jacoby’s Special Belongings was labeled on the side of it. I slowly ran my knife around the edges as a thick soreness bore down on my arms like weights.
    Opening the box, the air filled with dust, old and new; with memories, joyful and painful. Bible, schoolbooks, and carving supplies. Photos, sketchbooks, and art supplies.
    “What are you doing?” the small voice said behind me.
    I jumped up, trying to hide it behind my back. “It’s nothing, go and play sis.”
    She looked at me with those pleading blue eyes. “Please?”
    I shook my head. “You’ll laugh, and think it’s silly.”
    She settled her six-year-old-self next to me, looking straight into my eyes. “I’d never laugh at anything that you love to do. I promise.”
    I stood up quickly, trying to push the memories away. Reliving my past in my head is just like an endless nightmare, because my little sister was not here to relive it with me.
    “I’m sorry, it was all my fault.” I murmured, clenching my teeth, fighting back the sobs that wanted to explode inside of me.
    In a quick movement I got up, flinging the door open, and running down the halls. I couldn’t do it. Not for one minute longer. I ran on blindly as sharp pictures bled bright into my mind.
    I came to a sliding stop, as I heard voices ahead. Shaking my head, and wiping my eyes, I managed to push those pictures away and focus on what was going on around me. People walking, eating, talking, like normal.
    “Hey, you’re a Smith, right?” I turned quickly and focused my gaze up on a guy who looked to be in his twenties.
    “Uh, yes.” I realized he had his hand out waiting for me. I reached out, and shook it. His hands were hard, a little rough, like he had used them a ton in his life.
    “I’m Brad.” He pulled his hand away and scratched his curly haired head. “You’re how old, sixteen, seventeen?”
    “Jacoby. And I’m seventeen.” I could feel his dark eyes looking me over. Was something off about my appearance? I glanced down at myself. Do I have clothes on? Yep. So, what is he looking at on me?
    “Great, I have a younger brother about your age, who’s hanging around in a hallway towards in the far west wing. Might be nice to talk to someone your age? I think he’d like it. His name is Joe.”
    “Oh, okay. Cool. I’ll try to find him.”
    “Okay, well I’ve got to run, but great meeting your Jacoby. I’ll come by and talk to Dr. Smith later.”

    “Oh, okay.” I said again, not knowing what else to say. Who was he that needed to talk to my dad? Was he sick, or was he someone important? “Thanks.”
    He nodded, and smiled, then walked away.
    I sighed wondering what to do now, should I go find his brother? I had nothing better to do.
    “Where is that hallway?” I questioned out loud, but got no answer, so I just started wandering down different ones I had never been to before.
    After a bit of aimlessly wandering I saw a boy my age sitting on a bench down the hallway. I started towards that way, he looked like he was crying, or was about to start crying. Did something happen?
    I came forward, and stopped a few paces in front of him. “Hey you okay?”
    He looked up quickly, slight panic in his dark brown eyes, and nodded. Looking down he said “Of course.” He was three or four inches shorter than me, his slightly spiked brown black hair making his seem a little taller. He looked back up, looking me over. “Who are you?”
    I smiled “I’m Jacoby Smith, we just moved here.” I put out my hand.
    “Oh.” He shook it, but sort of in an unsure way. “I’m Joe.”
    This must be who Brad was talking about. “Nice to meet you. I talked with Brad, your brother? He said we were about the same age. I’m seventeen, how about you?”
    I saw him clench his jaw. Has a said something wrong? Was there something going on with him in his brother? I tried not to jump to conclusions.
    “Sixteen. You move here alone?”
    I shook my head, sending up a silent prayer of thanks. “No, thank God I’m not. Came here with my parents, I think my dad is going to be the new head doctor over here.”
    “Your dad is a head doctor? That’s cool. So that means you’ll stick around here for awhile.”
    “Oh?” I questioned in confusion. “So, we won’t keep moving every two years?”
    “No, you stay unless you are discarded, like high officers are.”
    “Oh, okay.” He seems to know a lot I don’t. I leaned my back against the wall, but turning my head to still face him. “So, how long are you here? What does you dad do?”
    “I’m here permanently, unless I decide to move elsewhere. And I guess I didn’t tell you my last name? It’s Bentwood.”
    Bentwood? Bentwood head of the headquarters? I stood up quickly. “Wait… like commander Bentwood? Your dad is the commander?” This guy is cooler than I thought! “That’s so cool!”
    He grinned. “Yeah, I guess so. Just makes it easier where we don’t have to move everywhere.” ‘Yeah, I guess so’? He must have been trying not to be prideful. I decided he would make a great next commander.
    “Yes, I assume so. I think it would be good for us not to have to move anymore…though that helped…” When we got there searching for her name on the list, looking, hoping she had got rescued and just was at some headquarter. Each first week the same, not here, not found, mom crying every night, dad quiet. Then we settle down, and then pack up, and move, and do it all over again.
    Quickly remembering Joe was there I quickly looked up, trying to push those thoughts away putting a slight smile on my lips. “Won’t you be, you know, like next in line?”
    “No, that’s Brad.”
    Oh! I mentally facepalmed. Great, I just reminded him of what he doesn’t have. “Oh. Right. Sorry about that.”
    “It’s okay, not your fault.”
    But it is my fault that you had to remember it. “I know, but that must be a bummer. I’m the eldest, but I imagine it would hard to be under the next in line commander.”
    “It is, thanks.” He gave me a full grin. “So, you’re the eldest, do you have other siblings?”
    I hesitated slightly, wanting to say no, but not wanting to lie. I swallowed hard. “Yah, I have a sister. What about you?” Have? Or had a sister? Is she still out there? I clenched my fist, trying to fight the sadness in my chest that would make me cry.
    “Just Brad and another sister.”
    His words brought me out of my head, and I shook it trying to stay focused in the here and now. “O-oh. Okay, that’s cool.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say with all that on my mind, I needed to get away. “I think I have to go…” I hated lying, but added on so he didn’t think I just didn’t like him, I did, just was pre-occupied inside. “But can we talk more later, and maybe hang out some?”
    “Of course, I’ll meet up with you later.”
    “Awesome, nice meeting you.” I started walking away, but then turned back forcing a smile to him. “Bye Joe!”
    “Bye!” I heard him call as I walked around the corner.
    Sighing softly, I wondered if it would always be like this. Would I always try to get away from people to avoid talking about me? Maybe Joe wasn’t like the others. There was something about him that made me think he was different

    #106605
    Emberynus The Dragonslayer
    @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

    @katthewriter

    These are really cool!

    You can't live for long living for nothing- Hector Griffin

    #106608
    Katthewriter
    @katthewriter

    @emberynus-the-dragonslayer

    Thanks!  I have two other chapters where they both meet Natalie. Though i probably will put those on the general writing one,  so it doesn’t look like I’m the only one who posts my writing on this group.  XD Ik Taylor has, but i don’t want to put too much.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Katthewriter.
    #107345
    Dakota
    @dakota

    @katthewriter Yeah, I like these too! 🙂

    This is the same Joe that’s in the role-play we aren’t in, right?

    Justa note that serve you well I the role-play, . . . Megyn has hazel eyes too. Not insinuating anything, just if you wanted to torture Joe some with that fact.

     

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 3 hours ago by Dakota.

    Psalm 119:11
    Your word I have hidden in my heart,
    That I might not sin against You.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!

Enroll in Our Seven-Day Mindset Challenge Course

Enter your email to begin taking the course. We'll send you a link to begin the mindset course along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

You've joined the course! Check your email to watch the first video.

Plotting Is Hard

That’s why we created a worksheet that will help you make sure your story hits all the right plot beats.

 

Sign up below to learn how to ace story structure.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the plot sheet in one moment...

Stop Using Meaningless Character Questionnaires

Knowing your character's favorite ice cream flavor won't help you write engaging protagonists.

 

Our questionnaire is different. Use it to discover your character's core fears, longings, hopes, and needs.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the character questionnaire in one moment...

Discover What Readers Secretly Want

We asked 300+ readers what elements rivet them to a story and which turn them off.

 

Enter your email to get the scoop!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

"How Far Can I Go without Stumbling Readers?"

Ever struggled to deal with topics like violence, language, or sex in your stories?

Get our Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers e-book to explore how to handle these subjects biblically.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Enjoying This Article? Get the Full Series!

 You can download the entire Tricky Subjects for Christian Storytellers series in e-book form for free!

 Learn how to wisely handle subjects like violence, language, and sex as a writer.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Worldbuild Smarter, Not Harder

 Some worldbuilding questionnaires force you to answer as many questions as possible about your world.

 

Ours doesn’t. Answer targeted questions that reveal what’s actually important about your world.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the worldbuilding questionnaire in one moment...

Take Your Style to the Next Level

The written word matters to God.

 

Does it matter to you?

 

Learn how to develop an eloquent, practical, and personal style by downloading our free e-book.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Every Year, Thousands of Writers Give Up

 Don’t be the next.

 

We understand how exhausting writing can be, so download our free e-book and find inspiration to press on!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the eBook in one moment...

Don't Be That Kind of Christian Writer

Want to impact the world for Christ with your writing—without being preachy or cliched?

 

Learn how to avoid common pitfalls and craft powerful themes by downloading our free worksheet!

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the theme worksheet in one moment...

So You've Got Cliches in Your Novel...

Thankfully, we’re here to help!

 

Enter your email below, and we’ll send you a four-step process for ripping cliches out of your novels.

Congratulations! Redirecting you to the cliche worksheet in one moment...

Sign Up for Updates

Enter your email to receive updates on the Authentic Characters Summit, along with emails to help you grow in your writing craft!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest