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@morreafirebird, @Josiah,

My girlfriend and I have been having back and forth arguments over the last few days, and last night she struck somewhere I didn’t expect it. I don’t want to present her overly negatively – there’s a lot of bitterness in my heart that I’m struggling to contain.

Last night, we realized that I had been putting my writing above her in importance – reflected in my derelicting immediate work to devote more time to my books and school. Even as I’m weeping the bitter tears of regret, I can’t bring myself to fully agree – namely, that this is even wrong. I always understood that the role of the woman and eventual wife in a married relationship is to help the husband in his work – and she even said this herself, that man was created to work the land for the glory of God and woman given to help him in this.

I’m not totally neglecting the pursuit of a means of taking care of her. That’s why I’m going to nursing school, to make a stable living so I can support her.

I feel betrayed. It feels as though I have given her all the love I could and it has been thrown back in my face. It feels as though she only looks out for number one and doesn’t consider the needs of others, and is jealous to a fault – calling my writing my mistress.

I need prayer for patience, for love, and for understanding between us. It’s going to be really hard to concentrate today.