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The Fledgling Artist replied to the topic Critique For The Fledgling Poet? in the forum Poetry Discussions 6 years, 3 months ago
*sneezes on the accumulated dust particles*
Apparently I’ve gone a year without posting any more poems to bebrutally roastedcritiqued. The original two were fairly atrocious, so hopefully, none of y’all will be too shocked to find that these new poems aren’t much better. 🤣I still have a ton to learn, and meter still baffles me, but I think I may possibly have slightly improved? A bit? Idk.
I’d be honored for any feedback. Not necessarily on how to polish these specific poems, but moreso how to do better next time. Comments specific to the poems are welcome, but I don’t wanna get bogged down on what I’ve already done so much as I want to keep moving forward.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Another day,
Of feeling small.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>I dare not rise
Afraid i’ll fall.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>But foes bid come
Stand, fight, and face
To put all fears
Back in their place.
You can’t ignore,
Discover what waits in store.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Something compels</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>A feeling? Or friend?
Uncertain steps
One, then two.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Another day,
Of feeling small.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Maybe soon
I’ll wake to see,</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>I never needed</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>To know everything</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>After all.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>1/10-13/2020</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>We forged our towers out of dust</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>We watched them burn and rust</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Curious, how people so small</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Could so quickly lose sight of who they are</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
We clasp and hold,</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>and watch as nothings become our entire world</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Forgetting far too fast</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>That nothings never last.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Maybe there’s a purpose
Floating just outside our grasp</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
Mistakes may be my learning
How fast our mountains fall</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
As soon as you discover,</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Come tell me who you are.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>-1/18/20</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>One step at a time,
This story isn’t mine.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Every stumble, every fall,
Only shape me, make me humble
They point me, look and see
The God who writes for me</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Maybe someday I’ll begin to understand
For now, I leave it in His hands.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Uncertainties abound,
Choking, squeezing, swirling all around
This narrative isn’t mine.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>When you can trust your author</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>There’s no need to fear,
No worries, dear.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
And who am I to claim,
That stories ought to go my way?</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
…Aren’t I Just an actor, with no say?
1/14/20</p>
I feel like these are fairly weak poems in comparison to those written by an experienced poet, but they mean a lot to me.
Not to say that you shouldn’t be brutally honest. Haha, I really want to get better.I’m kinda out of touch with the SE community nowadays, so I’m not quite sure who to tag. 😅
@evelyn @k-a-grey @kb-writer @libby @dakota @emma-starr










