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  • Noah Litle replied to the topic Tagline critique in the forum General Writing Discussions 6 years, 4 months ago

    @daeus-lamb

    Hmm. I think it would inspire more of my curiosity if it included all heroes, like so:

    “No hero is who they try to be.” Or: “No hero is as heroic as they want to be.”

    Saying “not all” implies that some heroes are who they try to be, and I’m just as curious about that character as I am about the one you’re obviously implying.

    And if I’m going to be really nit-picky, I could say that the flow doesn’t work for me. I think if you treated this like a line of poetry you would do better. Look at the flow of stressed syllables:

    Not all heroes are who they try to be

    You’re missing a stressed syllable between “heroes” and “are”, and it’s kind of throwing me off. Makes it feel like you switched the bass and snare drums half way through the phrase.

    That’s my thoughts. I hope it’s helpful. Sorry, I kind of take critiques seriously.

    Maybe too seriously. XD

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