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Joelle Stone replied to the topic Talk room in the forum Fantasy Writers 4 years, 3 months ago
*rubs hands* Ok, let’s get the rest of this puppy critiqued!!
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It was with ba
ited breath that the council anticipated Abner’s decision. The young king stood, cleared his throat, and spoke.“Lords of the Council, in response to the unexpected messenger, I have come to a decision.” Abner swallowed, mulling the weight of his first important order as king. (the general term is “mulling over” or “mulled over”. I can’t tell if you just didn’t want the “over” in there or if you missed it on accident. If you didn’t want it in there, try using a different word than “mulling” (like “considering” or even “dreading”). If you did, try and add the “over” right after “mulling” or at the end of the sentence. ;)) After a small pause, however, he steeled his resolve, clenched his jaw, and said with as much kingly dignity as he could muster, “Levy the shires, and call up the militia. Defensive procedures are to be followed. I will take men to reinforce Ensteyr. We ride at dawn.”
*imagines majestic trumpets and the thundering of hooves* This is a WONDERFUL ending – and I’m so intrigued!! Your names are awesome and the overall chapter gives a good hint as to Abner’s character. Great job, Peter!!!!!!!!!












