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@crazywriter,

Ok, let’s get this ball rolling! I’m trying to do this in a Google Docs like format by striking through things I think should be removed and putting my suggestions in bold and comments in italics. Let me know if it didn’t make sense, and feel free to reject any and all suggestions. 😉

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The next day, Abner woke to find the morning sky as cloudy as ever. Grey Gray (I know, I know, “grey” is SO MUCH NICER. But, alas, the British have already stolen that spelling, so America uses “gray”. Sad but true. XD)
 light streamed in, from an open window, and as he stretched, yawned, and walked to the door, calling for his servants.

He endured the grievous dressing routine, and, (hehe, nice wording) about half an hour later, he was joining his fiancé Lorraine (ooh, lovely name!) for a walk before the dreaded war council.

Dressed in royal finery, he boasted a white undershirt lined with red (try using a more descriptive word than “red” – like “scarlet” or “crimson” or “blood-red”. Or, if you do want to use red, try using a simile along with it. Or do both. Or do neither. XD It’s up to you.) trim, a red and gold robe, lined with bear-fur that came down past his ankles, and the traditional metal studded kilt that the Arhonian Royalty (again, great name!) wore for dress occasions. Lorraine wore a simple green (same thing as with the “red”) dress lined with gold thread.

She held his hand, making small talk for the majority of the stroll, but after a pause, she asked, “Abner, are you nervous?”

He swallowed, and didn’t speak for some time, gazing at the overcast sky. (Aha, wonderful use of the “show don’t tell” rule – a lot of writers like me hehe say what kind of emotion their characters are feeling when we should be using body language to show it. Brilliantly done!!)

“Yes. Yes, I suppose I am. I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing. Even though I’ve ruled for three years, I don’t really feel like a king. I still feel like a child.”

Lorraine thought, then spoke her usual wisdom. “Abner, your you’re (contraction of “you are” vs. the possessive “your”) young. You will feel like that. But you must realize that everyone goes through it, and you can only learn more.” (Ooh, that is wise!!)

Abner smiled, and kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you, Lorraine. Your encouragement means more than you know.” (Undo new paragraph, since there’s no new subject or speaker.) He glanced at the Great Hall, his destination, and bid Lorraine farewell.

“I’ll see you tonight.,” Lorraine said, and it was those words that gave Abner the strength to climb the steps and open the heavy wooden doors to the Council.

(Ooooh, the mental image!! Lovely, lovely.)

***

Gaaah, I didn’t have as much time as I thought. I’ll stop there and pick up where I left off when I get the chance. 😉 GREAT WORK SENOR!!