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The prologue, because I’m stupid and forgot to post it at the beginning…

 

“Dedicated to the person this is based upon, who kindly let me write a story about them.

You know who you are, and hopefully you know what you need to do.”

 

…and the finale. The drive home… which I feel may leave many people unsatisfied. I guess we’ll see.

 

M—- H— M- T——

 

Part 4: Tighter

 

I travelled the hard cement walkway with my head bowed. I continuously pressed onward, but my journey never ended. Occasional bursts of wind bounced off my skin as I re-walked the path of my failures.

Then a shadow suddenly appeared. It fell across my foot and I froze. I refused to look up; the prospect of what I might see terrified me.

“You came back,” she said. Her voice was lighter than I remembered. Less weighed down. Perhaps that had always been from me all along.

“I never left,” I answered her quietly. “That’s the effect of regret. You’re never allowed to leave.”

“You can leave, at any time. All you need to do is walk away. But you insist on holding on, and that’s why you’re still here.”

“And what’s wrong with holding on?” I asked, my voice short and tense.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. But it is wrong to hurt yourself this way because you think you deserve it.”

“But I do-” I began to say, but she cut me off.

“You do not need to do this. You only make it worse for both of us, me in memory and you in reality.”

“But…” I tried to speak, but my voice faltered. “But… I’m scared. Petrified. I have nightmares where you return only to attack me, hateful, angry, despising me for even daring to see you again. And every time, I accept your accusations as fair because I believe them.

“I’m scared of what you think of me.”

“Look at me.”

I raised my head, slowly, painfully, until my eyes rested on her face. And she was smiling just like she used to. I felt like smiling back, just like I also used to. But then I remembered that would never happen again… because of me.

“I can see your regret,” she said, interrupting my thoughts. “It’s time for you to stop.”

“But-”

“No. There’s nothing left to be said. Remember us, but forget the blame! The memories never change; it is us and how we see things that change. Those times aren’t bad–you just see them that way. And it’s time to let it go.”

My eyes watered and words left me. I couldn’t handle it all. Then she stepped forward and hugged me tight, like she had all that time ago. And though overwhelmed, I gently hugged her back.

“I told you back then that I hugged you because I was happy to see you were alive,” she whispered. “But this isn’t living your life. You need to move forward, to take the right steps. Otherwise it’s all for nothing.”

“But what if I just fail once more? I can’t bear trying to replace you, only to make a hole worse than before. What can I possibly do to stop it from happening again?”

She stepped back and stared at me for a moment, still smiling softly as she let her tears fall in tandem with mine. Then she spoke.

“Maybe hold me tighter.”

I woke up.

 

 

 

(The Phantom Tags:  @maddiejay @kari-karast @kb-writer @hgm_barnes18 @kr-lalonde @heather-drabant @donna-darling @samantha-pen @duskflower )