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Chapter 3

@crazywriter,

Same format as always!

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Abner entered the private stables reserved for royalty, urgency in his every step. Bedecked in battle gear, the moon glinted (the moon is bedecked in battle gear? XD) through the narrow windows of the stables, glimmering off the cool metal armor. Having said his goodbyes the previous evening, and getting a very small amount of sleep, he awoke restless, and decided to get to the meeting point early, where the king was supposed to rendezvous with  a few officers, who would then ride to the cavalry camp which was fifty miles to the southeast. (hm, kind of a run-on sentence. Maybe change your opening to “He had said his goodbyes the previous evening and, after getting very little sleep, awoke restless. He decided to get to the meeting point early and rendezvous with a few of his officers, who would then ride to the cavalry camp fifty miles to the southesast.”?)

He stopped for a moment, inhaling the cold, crisp air. He looked and looking at the moon, which, for the first time in a while was unveiled by cloud(was unveiled by cloud ford the first time in a while). It’s (when you add the apostrophe, it becomes the contraction “it is”. Don’t ask me why. XD) subtle beauty shone in it’s pale, silvery light, illuminating the night sky. (This is a beautiful sentence!!) He sighed, and wondered wondering if he would be back home in the palace in a week, or if he would be out in the fields, managing a war. He prayed it would only be a short skirmish.

He shook out of his moonlight thoughts, (Ooh, bro, beautiful prose!!) and continued his walk to where Breanon, his horse, was kept.

He came to a intersection where the stables split, the tack room to the left, the hay barn straight ahead, and the horses to the right. He rounded the turn, and jumped when he saw his stable-boy, and close friend Gabriel.

Abner smiled, recovering from his fright. “Gabriel, what are you doing out here?”

The young man smiled beneath a thick woolen hat. “One of the horses was a little fussy, so I gave it some hay to calm it down.” (Speaking as a horse owner, you typically wouldn’t feed it more than a handful to calm it down. You could try taking it for a walk, talking to it, grooming it, or just trying to figure out what’s wrong. ;))  He frowned. “What are you doing here, Sire?”

Abner smiled sadly. “Gabriel, duty calls. I must ride to Ensteyr.”

Gabriel frowned, and nodded slowly. “I heard that there was trouble brewing, but didn’t know for sure. But now…” He trailed off, shoving his hands deeper into his coat pockets, a grim silence in the air.

Abner smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. It’s probably just bandits who want to stir up trouble. I’ll be back in a few days, and nobody will think of it again.” Abner said this to comfort his friend, concealing what he knew all too well. Perhaps he was trying to comfort himself, as well. (Sneaky…. XD)

Gabriel chewed his lip, then asked, “Shall I get Breanon tacked up for you, Sire?”

Abner smiled appreciatively in appreciation. “That would be excellent, thank you.”

As the stable boy went about his business, Abner muttered a prayer in the frosty silence, one he learned in the Old Tongue. “Galrath, rax deus nomi bretes morg, gessel viri meus.” It translated to, ‘Galrath, god of kings, be with me unto death, my comfort in the grave.” <b>(this is really beautiful, and the fact that you have another language is impressive, but it also comes out of nowhere. Maybe have Abner be thinking about Galrath up while he’s alone, then have him be interrupted by Gabriel, so it would make sense that he does this when Gabriel leaves.)</b>

Abner never had been devout in his prayers, but on the eve of such an event, he felt it necessary. [delete new paragraph, so this one adjoins to the next one]

HIs His rooftop conversation with Jethro came back to him, and he wondered again on those ominous words his old friend and ally had spoken. “A King of kings.”

Those words sent a shiver down his spine. Though he had not gone to the Great Temple recently, or been religiously active by any means, still, the deconstruction of the religion he had known his entire life terrified him. But he was more terrified of who was deconstructing it. Could there really be a deity more powerful? (ooohhh)

Abner decided then and there that after his campaign, he would seek out if there was another deity, if indeed He was contending with Galrath, and why. But for now, the campaign required his complete attention. Religious matters could wait. The invasion was pressing. (duh duh duh!!!!!! Great job, Peter!! I’ll get to the other part when I get the chance. Adding religion has added a whole new depth to your characters. Wonderfully done!)