Activity

Here is a poem I wrote a few days ago, it’s what I was struggling with the other day in real life. But if even a few people would take the time to read it, that would mean so much to me.

Lonely times

I ask myself what I’m doing,

I think that all I’m doing is a waste,

I try and fail to find comfort,

In this lonely place.

I try and I stay above water,

But my head is sinking under,

I ask myself why I’m here,

As I sit and wonder.

I tread the water carefully,

Each stroke brings me further down,

I’m grappling with my feelings,

Either find a peace, or I will drown.

I need a light in this darkness,

Even when there’s no way,

I hope and pray for a savior,

To keep the enemies at bay.

I cry my tears of salt water,

I rest my weary head,

But when the night is over,

I feel like I’ve had no rest.

I struggle to enjoy things,

I write without a purpose,

I feel so uninspired,

And suddenly I feel worthless.

If I cannot enjoy things,

If I cannot go to church,

If I can’t pray, but still sin,

How much am I really worth?

The Lord whispers in my ear,

Begging me to see the light,

Telling me to look closer,

To stop thinking that I’m right.

But I cannot see beyond this time,

I cannot see a light,

How can I believe oh Lord,

When the world is awash in night?

I give encouraging smiles,

I tell people that I’m ‘good’,

But inside I am broken,

Covered in sin and soot.

The galaxies within my dreams,

Have gone and faded black,

When will the dreams come again?

I desperately need them back.

I shout for assistance,

I reach towards the shining light,

But every single day feels the same,

A day, but of endless night.

My days are endless worry,

I struggle to survive,

I breathe in the morning air,

But am I really alive?

I didn’t want to give up my family,

Or going to ballet,

I didn’t want to miss my friends,

Or have to stand six feet away.

I didn’t want to give up,

Peaceful, restful nights,

Sunday prayer and pointe shoes,

Peace, and calm, and quiet.

Lord, I am so broken.

This world is too heavy to hold,

I go about my work, Lord,

And do as I am told.

I don’t struggle or resist,

I don’t hang my heavy head,

I do it without joy, Lord,

And with a heavy heart instead.

I plod about my day,

Attempting to do school,

I even tried doing math, Lord,

Breaking my normal rules.

I cannot get ideas, 

Or get past my writer’s block,

I sit and I wonder,

When will this all stop.

If it doesn’t, oh Lord,

What shall we all do?

If it threatens the lives of loved ones,

How much can we really lose?

As I sit and write this,

I wonder if I should post it,

Sharing personal things online,

May not be something I can cope with.

But nonetheless, I continue,

Against my anxiety,

I wonder if letting this all out,

Will be beneficial to me.

If they shall see me broken,

Let this be the last,

Let it give me courage to continue,

Along this broken path.

Man, that was long. *sigh*

I’m sorry if anyone spent a long time reading this. Feel free to critique if you wish. (I’m still not sure how the group posting works vs. normal posting, but let’s hope the spam folder doesn’t eat this.)

I’m still kinda nervous about showing this to people. . .

@banana-peacock-warrior @emberynus-the-dragonslayer @naiya-dyani @esmeralda-gramilton

And anyone else I missed who wants to read this.