Does anyone want to read this slightly depressing poem?
March 27, 2020 at 6:48 am #109467Urwen Starial@urwen-starial
Here is a poem I wrote a few days ago, it’s what I was struggling with the other day in real life. But if even a few people would take the time to read it, that would mean so much to me.
I ask myself what I’m doing,
I think that all I’m doing is a waste,
I try and fail to find comfort,
In this lonely place.
I try and I stay above water,
But my head is sinking under,
I ask myself why I’m here,
As I sit and wonder.
I tread the water carefully,
Each stroke brings me further down,
I’m grappling with my feelings,
Either find a peace, or I will drown.
I need a light in this darkness,
Even when there’s no way,
I hope and pray for a savior,
To keep the enemies at bay.
I cry my tears of salt water,
I rest my weary head,
But when the night is over,
I feel like I’ve had no rest.
I struggle to enjoy things,
I write without a purpose,
I feel so uninspired,
And suddenly I feel worthless.
If I cannot enjoy things,
If I cannot go to church,
If I can’t pray, but still sin,
How much am I really worth?
The Lord whispers in my ear,
Begging me to see the light,
Telling me to look closer,
To stop thinking that I’m right.
But I cannot see beyond this time,
I cannot see a light,
How can I believe oh Lord,
When the world is awash in night?
I give encouraging smiles,
I tell people that I’m ‘good’,
But inside I am broken,
Covered in sin and soot.
The galaxies within my dreams,
Have gone and faded black,
When will the dreams come again?
I desperately need them back.
I shout for assistance,
I reach towards the shining light,
But every single day feels the same,
A day, but of endless night.
My days are endless worry,
I struggle to survive,
I breathe in the morning air,
But am I really alive?
I didn’t want to give up my family,
Or going to ballet,
I didn’t want to miss my friends,
Or have to stand six feet away.
I didn’t want to give up,
Peaceful, restful nights,
Sunday prayer and pointe shoes,
Peace, and calm, and quiet.
Lord, I am so broken.
This world is too heavy to hold,
I go about my work, Lord,
And do as I am told.
I don’t struggle or resist,
I don’t hang my heavy head,
I do it without joy, Lord,
And with a heavy heart instead.
I plod about my day,
Attempting to do school,
I even tried doing math, Lord,
Breaking my normal rules.
I cannot get ideas,
Or get past my writer’s block,
I sit and I wonder,
When will this all stop.
If it doesn’t, oh Lord,
What shall we all do?
If it threatens the lives of loved ones,
How much can we really lose?
As I sit and write this,
I wonder if I should post it,
Sharing personal things online,
May not be something I can cope with.
But nonetheless, I continue,
Against my anxiety,
I wonder if letting this all out,
Will be beneficial to me.
If they shall see me broken,
Let this be the last,
Let it give me courage to continue,
Along this broken path.
Man, that was long. *sigh*
I’m sorry if anyone spent a long time reading this. Feel free to critique if you wish. (I’m still not sure how the group posting works vs. normal posting, but let’s hope the spam folder doesn’t eat this.)
I’m still kinda nervous about showing this to people. . .
And anyone else I missed who wants to read this.
“Tears sparkle like fallen stars, the world at our fingertips, We didn’t know, It wasn't happiness.March 27, 2020 at 7:36 am #109468Emberynus The Dragonslayer@emberynus-the-dragonslayer
*cries inwardly* 😭
I have nothing to say as far as negative critique Urwen! It was really sad, yet somehow very beautiful. I’m sorry that you feel like that.
I think it’s wonderful that you decided to post it! It takes a lot of courage and honesty to post something that close to your heart and personal. And I think it reflects the way a lot of people are feeling right now. I think this poem is great reminder in these times of insecurity that we aren’t alone in what we’re facing. There are other people that are anxious just like we are. And not only that, but the Lord is still here. He sees. He is watching over us. And no matter what is happening to us physically, we can let it draw us closer to him. In the times when we feel like our everyday lives are falling apart. We can use the extra time given us to go to the Lord through prayer and through his word, reminding ourselves of this precious Bible passage:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”
Thank you so anyone who took time out of their day to read that long and boring post! Sorry for rambling on like that 😉
Sold souls and dead promisesMarch 27, 2020 at 7:37 am #109469Emberynus The Dragonslayer@emberynus-the-dragonslayer
You might want to read this. Being a poet and all 😉
Sold souls and dead promisesMarch 27, 2020 at 10:43 am #109476Dakota@dakotaMarch 27, 2020 at 8:27 pm #109527Naiya Dyani@naiya-dyani
@urwen-starial OKAY, get over here, it’s hug time! *cri*
I totally feel you. It’s kind of scary to put such sensitive pieces of yourself out there, but it feels so good to finally share it. We’re all here for you. I’ll be praying for you. <3 You know you can always talk to me when you’re having a hard time.
Kedori gives hugs, too.
Hearts are like matter--they can be beaten down, torn, and burned, but they cannot be destroyed.March 27, 2020 at 10:06 pm #109539Anonymous
First of all, great job sharing this. That can be incredibly hard.
To me, this feels like a quick, snappy poem. Maybe even a little lyrical, like a song. For getting your thoughts and feelings out there, I think it’s great. But if you want to go a little deeper, and try to make whoever reads it feel the same emotion you felt, there are some things you could do differently.
First, don’t exactly say what you mean outright. I think when you describe the feeling of a struggle without saying what that struggle is, whoever reads it gets the emotions clearer. You mentioned some of the abstract here with galaxies and dreams. If you expanded on those things with a bit more imagery, and what these things make you feel, I think the emotion would be stronger.
I liked the line especially “I breathe in the morning air, but am I really alive?” Great job showing something like depression/drudgery of routine there.
your poem also seems to click through multiple topics, which might be why it’s a bit lengthy. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I think focusing on one thing tends to make it more powerful, and more to the point.
That’s allMarch 28, 2020 at 12:53 am #109547Caseybold@caseybold
@urwen-starial Thanks for sharing this! It puts into words what I, and I’m sure a lot of other people going through COVID-19-related social distancing, am/are feeling right now too. The emotions expressed here are raw and real, and help me see that I’m not alone.
The meter could be tighter, if you’re looking to improve on it. I loved the imagery! I hope you can find some comfort and peace <3
I'm nobody, Who are you? -Emily Dickinson 뜻이 있는 곳에 길이 있다.April 12, 2020 at 4:24 pm #110109Emma Huckabee (Emma Starr)@emma-starr
@urwen-starial Thank you so much for being strong enough to be vulnerable and share this. I think all poets have a poem that in some way reflects the theme of this one. It’s raw, and you understand exactly what is going on in your mind. I really respect that. 🙂 It’s also great poetry, so I think this is a powerful poem–not necessarily despondent. It reminds me of some of David’s darker Psalms. Not despair, just feeling the heavy weight of the world and crying out to God.
Spreading God's love until I can see seven billion smiles. 🙂 https://sevenbillionsmiles.home.blogMay 10, 2020 at 10:26 am #112113Livi Ryddle@anne_the_noob14
(Wow, I’m late to this thread…) This poem pretty muchly sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.
As everyone else has said, I have no negative critique. And I totally understand the “not 100% comfortable to share personal poems”… But I’m happy you felt strong enough to share it 🙂
Um… other than those couple thoughts, I don’t have much else to say besides that I agree with what @emma-starr said, and that if you ever want to talk or anything, let me know. It’d be good for me also to talk through some things. 🙂
*raises champagne glass of coffee* Here’s to hoping this pandemic ends soon…
“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"June 1, 2020 at 9:40 pm #114223Kimmi@kimlikesart
It was definitely worth the time. Thank you for sharing this. I think I am too scared to share my poems. After reading yours, and others’…It makes me want to be brave.
You are not alone in your doubts, your fears. We all have had trials and tears. You are strong, you are brave. You are called by name. He loves you. Don’t give up. I’ve been through depression. I know that you feel like you’re not enough.
But that’s where He comes into play. That is where you can say ‘Welcome in,’ or ‘Go away.’ Do not give up, for He is indeed here. The night will only last for so long. You who sow in tears shall reap in joy!
You lifted me this day.
Thank you, for sharing in this way.
God told you to go; He did not say you would return.January 23, 2021 at 4:08 pm #124230
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.