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@karthmin, @northerner, my two most favoritest readers and fellow writers,
and also @morreafirebird, @catwing, @princess-foo, @devastate-lasting, @sarah-inkdragon, @kelly-lundgren, @hope-ann and all the other members of Erekdale that I’ve surely missed whose aid I would greatly appreciate.

Just to keep it out of the way of the main topic for the second short story contest, here’s the link to the new version of “Zauberin” / “Goddess”, finally a finished story. Of course, with my intent to try to submit it for the contest, and it sitting at 8700 words, I’ll have a lot of paring down to do, and I need to determine whether that is possible without crippling the story, or if I need to just write a different story.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LuR5fOwxubEXcU5Zwcbo3FLrArWOmLM9ljLQPsrpZfw/edit

Besides the usual things – typo-catching (should be my job really), plot holes, themes, style, characterization, etc., I’ve got some broader questions:

1) God in the story; is it tastelessly direct to refer to God directly in a fantasy setting? E.g., using the titles we normally use: God, Lord, Christ the King, Almighty, El Shaddai, Adonai, etc. Typically the Christian stories which we as a group admire the most are allegorical or veil God behind fantasy, changing names and personality so that the reader does not immediately perceive His presence in the story.

2) The main character’s development. Obviously, 5k words is probably a bit fast to go from sinner to saint, and that’s not my goal here. The goal is to convey Myrrha, the MC, from rebellion and despair to hope – even if she’s not fully sure what she wants just yet.

3) Which spots do you think are unnecessary? Description for characters we don’t need to know, unnecessarily long dialogue exchanges, excessive description / adjectives, etc. Every word counts.

4) Do you think this story can be pared down to 5k words? I’m looking particularly at the first night in the church, and how to restructure the story so that it hits its climax at that first night in a fulfilling, satisfying way for Myrrha’s journey in rebellion.