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@crazywriter,

Here we go again! I’ve set aside Tuesdays for editing/critiquing, so I should be able to get through your chapters a lot faster than before. 🙂

***

Hours later, Abner was riding southeast, Breanon’s hooves pounding the cobbled road. A group of ten cavalry officers rode behind him, all seasoned veterans with grim faces. Cold air blew in Abner’s face, and driving the smell of the marshy plains to his nostrils. (Love this paragraph – your description is perfectly meshed with the action. Wonderfully done!)

Hours passed, (you used this to start your last paragraph – maybe mix it up?) and he was relieved when he finally saw the torches of the camp. He slowed Breanon, and they descended a small plateau by way of a winding path. Most of the soldiers were asleep, but the sentries immediately recognized the king’s standard and stood at attention, saluting as they rode past.

Abner was led to the officer’s stables, where he dismounted and left Breanon in the hands of a servant.

Major Maguire, one of his father’s trusted military leaders, showed Abner to a tent, where he gladly laid down and restedto rest.

Sleep eluded him however, so soon enough, he was up again, and found himself working on a letter to Lorraine. He finished it, folded it, and tucked it away beneath his pillow. He went outside, sitting by a fire with some soldiers who he quickly told to be at ease. The dark of the night was waning, and the morning silence was broken by the gentle singing of the birds, and the groaning of the trees. The sun lazily rose above the mountains far to the east (with a lazy ease/like a lazy glowing orange/some kind of simile, metaphor, or other phrase that conveys a bit of description and your “lazy”), and soon the sky went from sullen gray to a light orange.

As he watched the sunrise, he felt a tap on his back. It was an aide of Major Maguire’s, alerting the king of an imminent meeting of the officers, which he was required to attend. [delete indent to mesh this paragraph and the next together] He led Abner through a maze of tents and fires until they finally arrived at a tent distinguished by a large [delete extra space between “large” and “red”] red and gold flag; the standard of Arhon. (Again, love the names!! They definitely lend a Tolkien-esque air to your story. ;))

Inside the tent,About seven officers stood around a large table inside that was covered with sprawling maps. Major Maguire turned and called the room to attention at the arrival of the king.

After the formalities, Abner came to the table, and looked at the maps they had been inspecting.

“Gentlemen, give me the details.”

The officers obliged and Abner was filled in.

“Sire, our camp numbers 500 strong. We are positioned 20 miles north of the Barrow River, and 30 more miles to Ensteyr. If we press hard we can make it there early tomorrow morning. However, we’ll have some difficulty crossing the river as there are only two bridges, positioned ten miles apart, and they can only fit two horsemen abreast.”

Abner chewed his lip and mulled the information over, but before he could respond, Major Maguire spoke.

“We have also received reports of the situation at Ensteyr. They have sent us a letter, message and have told telling us of the desperate nature of the siege. Food supply is scarce, and the garrison has dwindled to less than 200, while they estimate the enemy force to be of at least 1,000. They don’t expect to last more than a few days.”

Abner swallowed, and he stroked his chin slowly, gazing at the map of the surrounding area. [delete indent to mesh paragraphs] An idea popped into his head, and he mapped it in his mind, checking if indeed it could work.

Then, “Major Maguire, give me fifty of your fastest riders, and one other officer. We shall take the west bridge,” –he tapped his finger on a point on the map– “while you shall lead the remaining troops over the east bridge. Since we have less numbers and baggage, my fifty will arrive sooner and perhaps be able to hold the enemy until the rest of you arrive.” (Smart. *nods approvingly with MM*)

Major Maguire nodded approvingly. “Understood, my liege. I shall assemble the men immediately.”

He exited the tent, and Abner dismissed the meeting. He then walked back to his tent, and fastened his sword belt around his waist. He found the letter he had left under his pillow, and tucked it under his plate armor. He then walked out of the tent, to be met by a young, blonde-headed man, wearing the uniform of an officer. Abner recognized him as one of the men in the Command Tent, and suspected this was to be his requested lieutenant.

“Your Highness, Lieutenant North at your service.”

“Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant. Why don’t you show me to your command.”

The lieutenant obliged, and led him to a quadrant of the camp, where a group of dirty, sweat-stained men were tacking up horses, and strapping on boots. (I don’t know why I loved that sentence so much, but it’s awesome. XD) Many looked groggy from waking at the reveille which Abner had missed while in the Command Tent.

Abner nodded and turned to Lieutenant North. “Have them ready in ten minutes. I’ll address and then we’ll be on our way.”

With a swift nod, North carried out the task, and Abner watched him get the rag-tag band into a semblance of formation.

A young servant whom Abner had dispatched to the stables led Breanon to the young king. Abner mounted and rode to the front of the formation beside North. All eyes fixed on Abner, waiting expectantly  for the king’s address. A brief wave of nervousness rose in his gut, before he pushed it down, and spoke.

“Gentlemen, I am King Abner.” Silence. Not even a horse nickered. “I will be leading your detail away from the main camp, to the west crossing of the Barrow River.” Abner paused for effect, “Gentlemen, we are the vanguard of this army. We will be the first to arrive at Ensteyr, and we will be responsible for the defense of it until reinforcements arrive. Speed is crucial, so we must make haste toward the fort. We will not stop until we get there.” Abner looked at the men, and saw only determined eyes, faces set like flint toward their king. Inwardly, he was touched by the dedication of these men, so intent on rescuing their fellow countrymen. (Yas! *pumps fist*)

“Lieutenant North, you may lead us out.,” Abner concluded, and with that, they rode southwest, a hot sun beating down on their shining armor/something like that.