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@anne_the_noob14… *bows* I am glad to be of the service of making my point clear. I hope nothing else was to be expected. 😉

@ariella-newheart… Quite so. To expect the unexpected all the time is a losing battle. One that cannot be won, and thus must let slide be. We prepare what we can and trust God that He has us ready forefather He gives us, even unto death.

On the note of your snippet… it’s quite lovely. The family dynamic has something similar to what one might feel in Little House On The Prairie (the books… which I attest are many eons better than the tv series), but with a fantasy feel to it. I feel like there’s a calm distance to the narrator… only maybe lacking a little cohesion. When dealing with omniscience in third person there’s a cohesion that needs to be followed, and the same when dealing with limited third. This is something I’ve been learning about over the past several months… and it’s one of the harder things to learn.

As I read this, thinking about potential, I think you’d get the most beauty and power out of the scene if you remind the reader who’s point of view it is. If the narrator is omniscient, give him consistency that lets a flow transition between one character to another… something that just lets the reader soak everything in… if your narrator is limited, try to keep the narrator in the child’s mind. For instance, a child in this state probably wouldn’t refer to his father as “the tall man” and nor as his “mother’s husband”. It would probably just be “father”. This would be more directly and emotionally attached to the child as opposed to the scene.

That being said, it’s a lovely piece you have here. And it’ll be interesting to see what it flowers into one of these days… if you so bring it there.