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@kari-karast: Ok cool! glad you can take it ; D Also @the-fledgling-artist “Ignore theinconceivable. Korzen is precious. <3” *drags hand down face* no, no it is not *gags* precious…

1. hum… well have no experiance in that area so if you say so XD but if that is the case then I expect details liek that to be noticed constantly throughout the book…

2. Sorry, it want really a critque jsut a comment ; D I do that some times XD

3. ok, in that case, uh, this is a pretty trash start. Wheres the hook? the burst of action? If I had read this as the start of a book, I probibly would have put it down. The problem is, right now I (and which ever random person picks up your book) DONT CAIR who your charaters are, what their problems are, and why their doing what their doing. Now, your going to be blind to this becase, knowing you, these charaters are lik real people to you. You VERY (i cant empahsise that word enough XD) much cair about what happens to your charates but, untill you make us cair, we dont. So, Step one, make a start that hooks the reader. Makes us interested in your characters before you try and make our interest the modivating factor to keep reading. Also, dont think I’m being hypoctical becasue I didnt do that in shadow stone. (That wasnt intendid to be a novel and it was actually written for a sepifi person) if you want proof I practous what I preach you can read the start to my still unfinished novel I wrote about a year back:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cnqT0gZd35-DwJF8C6MT_NOxbOOl0MEoIXxzhL71YB8/edit?usp=sharing

The point is, get a better start, hook the reader, and make things less confusing! you can build up as you go but start simple ; D Thats your daily dose of advice XD