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Hi Erynne (@erynne),

I am so glad you did this!

Here are some of the questions I answered for this scene. Since there is only this one part, some of the questions were not relevant, but I would love to hear a subsequent scene following and connected to this moment here.

1. Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?

The scene begins at the point of imminent punishment for the speaker, yet it pivots at the end for something unprepared.  This does a good job of hinting at questions, both for what has brough the speaker to this point and what follows.  An opening scene should generate questions that lead to the next. Good job!

2. What would you say the mood was of this scene?

There is a sense of impending doom.

3. What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?

The speaker is the only one we are introduced to, so it follows we need to know a bit more about them.

4. Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?

The speaker.

5. Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?

a. Setting

b. Character thoughts and motivations

c. Character appearance and/or mood expressions

Perhaps a little more of the setting might help us get the sense of the speaker’s peril.  Is she/he on a hangman’s platform, guillotine, stretch rack?

6. Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?

The flow is fine and clear.  Delivered almost in a rhythmic cadence which evokes the idea of a heartbeat.  It does feel more sad than fearful.

7. Did you learn something in this scene that you wondered about in a previous scene?

Since there was no prior scene, this does not apply, however, a subsequent scene should pick up where this scene leaves off to answer at least a part of the questions raised in this scene.

8. Did this scene make you want to read more scenes? (Why or why not?)

Yes.  It hints that her/his father, someone named Jack, and “the baby” might have preceded her/him in this fate, however her mother and sister seem to be of a different mindset, then the path she chose.  It makes me wonder what mindset has divided this family.

9. Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?

There is only the one scene, so this does not apply.

10. Is there a particular part of the scene that stood out to you as your favorite? (Why?)

11. What, if anything, would you change about this scene to make it more interesting to you?

Add more setting so we get more of a sense of the character of where she/he is.

12. Is there something in the author’s audio reading of the scene that you picked up on that you might not have noticed if you had just read the text alone silently to yourself?

Erynne, your voice is very clear and pleasant to listen to.  The wording is clear and distinctive.  There is a not of sadness in the delivery, however there might need to be more of a sense of fear since this character is about to be subjected to torture and then death.

We need to get a sense of what she/he is losing, and how she/he may feel about that they did to bring them to this point.  Are they only sorry because of their mother and sister’s disappointment?  We need to connect a little bit more with the emotion of the moment.  Bring the stakes of the loss more into it.  Is the character glad they made the attempt to try what they did?  Are they dying for a noble principle?  What is their view of the afterlife?  Is there anything in their personal belief system that gives them some kind of comfort at this moment?

I hope that helps.  Thank you for sharing this glimpse of your story here.  I would love to hear a second scene that follows and pays out the threads you have raised in this one.   Very good job!