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@daeus-lamb

Okay… Now it gives away too much, I feel. I like your first final take better. I think it has enough plot, it’s just a little generic as far as storyworld goes.

What if, instead of trying to explain more of the plot, you just worked specific details of your storyworld into your “final take” synopsis. For example, instead of saying “rising dangers” use a dangerous sounding word that has more to do with your storyworld or magic system. Or instead of “too deep to turn back”, you might give us a specific detail that shows us that he’s past the point of no return.